kapachino

Category: pregnancy

  • quick takes / 16 weeks

    I’m trying out the seven quick takes linkup today since it’s an excuse to just post random stuff, which is what I’m doing lately anyway. Not sure if I’ll always have seven though, so let’s just skip that part.

    One

    I’m 16 weeks along in this pregnancy and I had a doctor’s appointment yesterday. Especially in these early months before I can really feel the baby move I always get a little nervous before checkups. Yesterday about gave me a panic attack too. The experienced MA (Jen) who I LOVE is leaving the practice and so she was training a temp, and so it was just me and the temp in the room. First she starts analyzing my urine results and is staring at it for a really long time. Finally she asks me, “you haven’t been having any spotting, have you?” as if she expected something to be wrong. So already I’m worried.

    Then she moved on to checking the heartbeat. She spent a whole minute (which seemed like forever) on the right side of  my belly and there was nothing. Then she moved to the left side and immediately we heard what I knew was my heartbeat, but I could tell she was confused. Apparently the rate on the machine was jumping around and eventually she said, “okay the rate is 175 that’s very good.” But I told her I didn’t hear that rate, all I heard was my own. We then looked at the machine together and the rate was mostly in the 80’s. No matter what she did we could not hear a baby heartbeat. Internally I was partly freaking out / partly preparing myself for terrible news & trying to be at peace with that / partly trying to convince myself it was just because she’s new. Finally after a million years Jen came in the room and immediately found the baby’s heartbeat, in the 140’s. Then she showed the temp how to do an ultrasound in case she’s having trouble finding the heartbeat and I got to see the little kid moving around like crazy and looking good. So! That was exciting.

    16 week photo:

    16 weeks

    Other than my scrubs for work I pretty much wear these shorts if I’m going out, lounge pants if I’m staying home, and a stretchy skirt (preferably maxi, but I only have two of them) to church. Choices are limited. I’m feeling great though.

    Two

    I promise all my takes won’t be as long as the last one. Anyway I made dinner again last night, so that’s twice in one week if any of you are keeping track. Huge accomplishment. I made these taco chicken bowls and I know it’s like slow cooker 101 but I was still proud that it turned out so delicious that my husband finished his bowl and my mother-in-law asked me for the recipe.

    Three

    Our house is one-story, about 2400 square feet. The front half has all real wood floors that I love, and the back half (a hallway and four bedrooms) is all nasty carpet that our dogs have torn up and stained. Pretty sure that I’ve whined and moaned about it here before, but it’s super embarrassing. So we are looking into tearing that up and replacing it. At first I thought we would just go all wood, but since I want it to look similar to the wood we already have I think that will be too expensive for us right now. So then we thought we’d do the hallway in wood and put new carpet in the bedrooms, and we’ll just keep the dogs out of there. My question for you is, have you ever put down wood floors or carpet? Where do I start looking for this stuff? What are the good companies to go to?

    Four

    I started thinking about a name for our second baby. Our anatomy scan is in three weeks so after we know the sex we’ll think about it more seriously, but I started looking at the social security website. I looked up the name “Meredith” and I was surprised to see that it keeps going down in popularity. Last year it was number 668! That’s so low. But it’s still traditional, and (in my opinion) very pretty, and it was a family name. Basically perfect. It’s going to be so hard to match that.

    Five

    I’m drinking coffee again! Like, for real! Hot coffee, in the morning. Every day. It’s sooooo great.

    Six

    I listen to a bunch of podcasts and at least four of them are book-related. This is making my “to-read” list extremely long. I truly mourn the fact that I will never be able to read everything I want to in this life. This isn’t a book blog and I know I post my quarterly round-ups of what I read, but I’m thinking of more thoroughly reviewing my monthly book club books because they aren’t necessarily things I’d pick up on my own. Will think on this.

    Seven

    Cheeks! She’s still got em.

    cheeks

  • pregnancy hormones in full effect

    So I cried at work yesterday. A lot. It was ugly. I tried to pull myself together in the bathroom but someone even came knocking on the door to make sure I was okay. And then I kept crying off and on for about an hour and just could not stop it. My mascara was gone and my eyes were puffy. I hope I didn’t scare anyone.

    The deal was, I had a rude patient. Rationally I knew that it was nothing personal to me (because I hadn’t done anything wrong and was nothing but nice) and I dug deep for sympathy and understanding because I know she is in a beyond stressful situation. Anything I told myself didn’t help though; I just kept crying. So embarrassing.

    Happy ending though! Today she emailed the doctor’s office and asked them to tell me that she thinks I’m an excellent nurse and she knows she gave me a hard time yesterday. It’s the closest to an apology I’m likely to get so I’ll take it.

    Also, last night I cooked dinner. Made BBQ beef taquitos and they were good. I also finally made the breakfast sandwiches I’d been meaning to and they were also good, so double win there. And I showered! And bathed Meredith! I am a domestic goddess!

    I need to switch subjects real quick because I am having a hard time with  my book club book, Flight Behavior by Barbara Kingsolver and I just have to talk about it. The first problem I’m having is that I’ve been reading A Clash of Kings (which is the second in the Game of Thrones series) and I’m totally addicted to it and I’m to the last hundred pages and it’s fast-paced and all I want to do is finish it. So I’m kind of resentful of any book that interrupts that right now. Also, apparently this book is about climate change, and even if I was passionate about that subject I’m skeptical that it will make for an interesting story. Currently I’m only two chapters in and there’s been a lot about the difficulties of farming and I don’t know, it’s not grabbing me. And I have to finish it by Sunday! Sigh.

    Anyway. I go to the doctor for a checkup tomorrow. Praying that all is well in the baby department.

  • motherhood confessions

    I have made a lot of decisions as a mother just to make life easier on us as a family. As long as everyone’s safety is taken care of, pretty much anything else is flexible. Especially now that I’m expecting again, things have taken an even greater turn for the laid-back, usually in favor of a little more rest or sleep. I know I can’t be alone in this, so let me tell you about it.

    20130729-111039.jpg

    Here’s a blurry picture of me in my post-work laziness, and Meredith copying me. Not pictured is her lack of pants or diaper. Can’t keep clothes on that girl.

    >Meredith doesn’t like bedtime and it’s hard to get her to wind down, so for awhile now we’ve been taking her on a drive almost every night to get her to fall asleep.

    >She still sleeps in bed with us, too. It’s been good, but I’m ready to move her out at least to make room for a new baby. But I really don’t know if it’s going to work. We had grand plans to transition her a couple weeks ago but it keeps not happening. We might just keep going with the family bed out of laziness.

    >She still nurses a lot too. There’s not much there, but she’s in a very needy stage and although a break sounds nice and I don’t mind the idea of weaning, I’m not going to force it. Tandem nursing a toddler and a newborn sounds overwhelming but it might just end up happening.

    >We don’t do baths very often. For myself I try to shower every other day but baths are hit or miss with Meredith (whether she’ll scream through it or play happily) so it’s more like I force it on her whenever her hair gets nasty enough and otherwise it’s spot cleaning only. I also usually just throw her in the shower with me.

    >When she first wakes up in the morning – on a work day while I’m getting ready or on a weekend when I’m trying to grasp a few more minutes of sleep – she immediately grabs my phone and I don’t even care how long she plays with it. Mostly she just likes to look through the peeshurs (pictures).

    >Speaking of screen time, we don’t limit it right now but that’s probably because she doesn’t have much interest in it. There is one show on Disney called Jessie that she really likes (for a few minutes anyway) but apart from that she’s not into it. I wish she would be.

    >There is no way I was giving up caffeine during this pregnancy. Coffee was immediately disgusting to me though (still sad about it) so I’ve been taking caffeine pills. Kinda pathetic.

    >I am also not super reliable about taking my vitamins. I’m trying though, really I am.

    >Let’s not even talk about food and the kinds of dinners we have around here right now. Or breakfasts. I figure at least Meredith eats pretty well at school.

    You guys, there is more. But I’m out of time. Please tell me: what are your parenthood confessions? Because I’m pretty sure that I’ll be able to relate.

  • life updates and rambling thoughts

    Remember how I used to blog? Those were good days. I used to have hobbies. And energy. I wrote posts like this one and felt like I had it all together. I made goals and achieved them.

    Well all of that has gone away for the moment. The month of June has been one big blur because on May 31 we found out that I’m pregnant. And now I don’t even know where to start explaining all of the thoughts and feelings I have about it. Even saying anything about it at all makes me feel guilty because I know it’s such a sensitive subject for some people, having recently been one of them myself. But I just feel the need to be open and honest because I can’t really write about anything else at the moment.

    So when I took the test on a whim, completely not expecting anything from it and yet it was so clearly, immediately positive, all I felt was shock. We had been sort of trying, but I’m still breastfeeding and it took us two years to get pregnant with Meredith so I had done a lot of mental preparation revolving around the long length of time it might take us. I was fine with it. We were in a groove as a family.

    Then it was anxiety. For about a week I didn’t have any symptoms. I didn’t want to start feeling hopeful if it wasn’t true. Even when soon enough I began to feel bad it was hard for me to accept that things were going smoothly because of my history of infertility and miscarriage. Even now, after an ultrasound showing one healthy looking baby with a strong heartbeat and no worrisome symptoms, I am in constant anxiety because I am only nine and a half weeks along. The day after I saw the doctor I started to feel better physically and so of course all I can think of now is that maybe the baby stopped growing right after we saw it. It’s so hard to trust.

    I guess I don’t want to go too much further without saying that I am excited and happy. I want more kids so badly. I love babies. I want Meredith to grow up with siblings. So this is a very good thing.

    It’s also completely overwhelming, thinking about the adjustment we are all going to have to make, and wondering how we’ll pay for two kids in daycare, and how David and I will be able to stay connected just him & I. The past month has been so hard. I have been feeling so bad – just constantly sick to my stomach and terminally fatigued – and I couldn’t even drink coffee! – yet I’ve had to keep up my responsibilities at work while pretending nothing is different and then care for Meredith who is more needy for me than ever these days. The chores barely get done and forget about cooking or any kind of hobby or extra activity. Thank God for David’s help or Meredith and I probably wouldn’t have left the house or bathed or eaten for weeks.

    The good news is that I think I’m over the worst of the sickness, and I hope it’s not a bad sign. The fatigue is still a problem but it too is better. And I can eat more things now, and I don’t feel constantly nauseated anymore. David took Meredith out of the house for a couple of hours on Saturday and I managed to do all the chores, catch up on Bible study, order some pictures to attempt to get back on track with Project Life, and write most of this post. The rest of the day was spent figuring out how to expend as little energy as possible, but still.

    Anyway, that’s what’s been going on around here. A smattering of other happenings:

    >David’s grandmother was diagnosed with two different kinds of advanced cancer that are untreatable at her age (late 80’s). His grandfather has dementia so it’s going to be a very rough time coming up.

    >I read a lot of books (pretty much the only leisure activity I could still manage to do). Most notably Game of Thrones which I am now totally addicted to. Need the second book quick.

    >Made it to a movie in the theater and realized how much I miss it. Wish I had time for things like that.

    >Enjoying the virtual Bible study of The 7 Experiment by Jen Hatmaker that I’m running, although I’m just barely keeping up.

    >Meredith has grown into an adorably chubby toddler. She has her moments of crankiness that are far too frequent for my liking, but for the most part she’s just the best. Gratuitous photo:

    20130702-133339.jpg

    Ah, summer. 100+ degree days. The days that we dream about moving our entire families north. So you see really the extent of things around here has been surviving. I am going to try to update more often but it’ll be random until I get my energy back. All current projects are put on hold and will hopefully resume in the near future. :)

  • pregnancy & diabetes

    November is diabetes awareness month, and as a nurse health issues are close to my heart. Allison is an online friend of mine who has type 1 diabetes, and because of my own struggles with infertility I am also sensitive to any difficulty when it comes to conception and pregnancy. I encourage you to read her post today about how having diabetes affects everything related to pregnancy. It’s super interesting and I guarantee you’ll learn something!

    ***

    When Kathleen asked me to write about diabetes and pregnancy, because of Kathleen’s own troubles with pregnancy, I thought it was a brilliant idea! I’ve had type 1 diabetes for 19 years, so I know that often times people have flashbacks to the 1980s movie Steel Magnolias, with Julia Roberts and Sally Fields, in which the main character, a diabetic, dies. Not exactly what you want as a representation!

    Here are the facts: women with type 1 and type 2 diabetes can have babies. What’s type 1 and type 2 diabetes? Essentially, type 1 diabetes is an autoimmune disease (like lupus or multiple sclerosis) where the immune system attacks your body and prevents you from making insulin, which is what allows your body to use food as energy. In type 2 diabetes, your body still makes insulin, but it doesn’t use it properly. This is why type 2 diabetics can take oral medications to help with insulin resistance, but type 1 diabetics always have to take insulin injections or wear a pump.

    Now, I’ve never had a baby, so what I know about diabetes and pregnancy are from other women’s experiences. But I’m a newlywed, and so that means baby-making is top of mind for us.

    For most women, pregnancy is complicated after you start trying to have a baby, whether from infertility, miscarriages, or health concerns for the baby. For women with diabetes, pregnancy is complicated before you start trying.

    Deciding To Have Kids

    Whenever you have a chronic disease, you have to make the intensely personal decision of whether or not to have children. Diabetes is partially genetic, so for many people, that’s a huge factor. A child with a mom with diabetes has a 4% chance of getting it, and it’s 7% if the father has diabetes. However, both of my parents don’t have diabetes, and neither does my brother, so I have a hard time using that as a reason not to have a child.

    There really is no rhyme or reason for why someone gets diabetes, and I don’t want my life to be ruled by fear. Besides, I don’t consider diabetes to be devastating or debilitating like some diseases, and so my husband and I have decided that we will have kids. My life is pretty awesome, and if my kid ends up having diabetes (::knock on wood::), I’ll raise him or her to have an awesome life too!

    Before Baby-Making

    When you have diabetes, there isn’t much that you can’t do (except hold a commercial pilot’s license, join the Peace Corp and serve in the military). Pregnancy is definitely in the cards! But like most things that people with diabetes do, it takes a lot of preparation and planning. Pregnancy is no different.

    I think the piece of advice that sums up diabetes and conception the best is this: “No accidental pregnancies!”

    A woman with diabetes should not accidentally get pregnanct. In fact, if I’m concerned that I haven’t taken my birth control properly, I immediately tell my husband that it’s condoms or no sex! Of course, sometimes women do accidentally get pregnanct, and usually things turn out fine, but it’s a huge risk to the baby. Why?

    Life with diabetes means my blood sugars are always fluctuating. Although modern medicine and technology allows me to live a fairly normal life, things aren’t perfect. Blood sugar meters aren’t 100% accurate, and the insulin works much slower than insulin made by the body. Not all carbohydrates are created equal, so some can raise my blood sugar faster than others. We also have to deal with constantly changing hormones and activity levels, which will affect our blood sugars. There are a lot of variables, and we only have “control” over a couple of them.

    But a baby won’t care if I have diabetes. Embryos and fetuses are incredibly sensitive to blood sugar. Miscarriages and birth defects are hallmarks when a woman gets pregnant before her body is in “baby range.”

    How do you get “baby range”? It usually means checking blood sugar levels twice as often, which can be up to 20 times a day! I’m not quite there yet — but I am so not looking forward to it! Luckily there is a device called a continuous glucose monitor that can help detect trends between tests, but it’s still a lot of monitoring and tracking. Eating small meals to prevent big blood sugar spikes is also important. Moms-to-be need to control their blood sugars so tightly that it can often take up to a year before she’s in “baby range.”

    Sometimes this means a woman will start thinking about pregnancy before she has even found the guy!

    During Pregnancy

    Eventually I’ll be in “baby range,” but that doesn’t mean the work is over! A pregnant woman with diabetes needs to keep up the baby range throughout the entire pregnancy — and the growing baby does not make it easy! Each week, the baby puts more and more demands on the mom. The hormones involved in pregnancy cause insulin resistance. By the end of pregnancy a woman can be taking up to three times as much insulin per day!

    Because of insulin resistance, blood sugars can be hard to manage. Remember “baby range”? Staying on top of all the changes causes a lot of stress and grief. How the mom manages her blood sugars affects the baby’s health and growth. Having some fluctuations in blood sugars shouldn’t freak a mom out, but when it’s your baby, concerns and worries just multiply! I’m not even pregnant and I’m already worried! In fact, managing diabetes while pregnant can be so emotionally draining that many women say the stress and grief is the worst part of pregnancy. Plus, medical professionals are not exactly sympathetic to the struggles of this disease, so there are lots of guilt-trips laid on by doctors. So not cool.

    Gestational diabetes is familiar to many moms-to-be. Many of you moms probably did the glucose tolerance test to see if you had gestational diabetes. If you have gestational diabetes, you’re asked to modify your diet, monitor your blood sugar, and sometimes even taken medication. A pre-existing diabetes pregnancy is very similar to this. So imagine taking gestational diabetes and then multiplying the difficulty by ten! And obviously, gestational diabetes goes away when you have the baby, and pre-existing diabetes does not!

    Birth

    You may have heard that a baby of a diabetic woman will be born big. Many times, the size of the baby is a concern. Many diabetic moms have one of two options: scheduled C-section or scheduled induction (which also sometimes results in an emergency C-section). But not always! Some moms are also able to deliver naturally if the baby is not too big. Most doctors don’t like a diabetic mom to go past 39 weeks, and full term is 37 weeks. So it really depends on when the baby decides to show up!

    I’ve always grown up to believe that as a diabetic mother, my birth plan will really be at the mercy of the baby. I can’t really plan anything. Depending on the size of the baby, we might have to induce as soon as the baby is full-term. But maybe not! It’s hard to predict, and many diabetic moms simply have to play it by ear. As a high-risk pregnancy, I don’t get the pleasure of designing a home birth or a birth at a birthing center with a midwife.

    How You Can Help

    Now that you know a little more about how a diabetic pregnancy works, you might be wondering how you can help. Here are a few suggestions:

    >First of all, trust the mom-to-be! She’s the diabetic, so she knows what she needs to do. Instead of asking, “Can you eat that?” or “Should you do that?” just ask, “Is there anything you need?” Plain and simple.

    >Keep in mind that she’s stressed out. If she vents about food or her blood sugars, now you know how hard it is. Be sympathetic and a good listener.

    >Help out with doctor’s appointments. She probably has a lot going on! If you have a co-worker with diabetes or a friend with diabetes, offer to pick up some slack, especially toward the end of pregnancy. She’ll appreciate it!

    ***

    So what do you think? Even as a nurse I learned a lot from Allison’s personal knowledge – for example, I had no idea that diabetics had to work so hard for so long to prepare for pregnancy, and that if their blood sugars aren’t strictly controlled they could experience miscarriage and birth defects. Wow. I was also kind of floored by Allison’s guest post on Stephany’s blog chronicling a day in her life. What did you learn?