Category: working mama files

Working Mama Files is an interview series designed to support and encourage working moms along the path to having a fulfilling life.

Today I am featuring one of my real life friends, Maggie Rhoden. I met Maggie at my first job, before either of us had kids, where we both started out working on an inpatient oncology unit as nurses. We connected quickly and stayed friends after Maggie changed specialties. She is so fun and laid-back and real, and I just adore being her friend. She is also my motherhood pen pal! I know you will love her!

Who lives in your house?

My husband and myself along with our 8 month old son, Rory and our 5 year old Westie, Dolly

You are actually not working at the moment, but very recently made the decision to stay at home with your son. Before this you were working as a nurse (yay!) in the neonatal ICU. What was your job like?

Challenging and dynamic. Very fast-paced for the most part. It was a large unit 120+ babies ranging from premature babies to sick and surgical patients. Usually, I would be in charge of the care for 1-3 babies depending on how sick they were. I worked 12 hour shifts 3 days a week, but there was often opportunity for overtime, if I desired. My co-workers were great and I love being a NICU nurse!

Since you were working nights for part of that time, what kind of influence do you think that had on your health – emotionally and physically?

Working nights is tough, especially in the NICU. It is just as busy as during the day shift, albeit in different ways. Sick and premature babies are born at all hours of the day and night after all. ;) There were things I did enjoy about the night shift, but overall it is not something I could ever do long-term. Sleep was a joke, and it drove me mental when I was pregnant and everyone would kindly suggest that I “stock up on sleep before baby!” Ha. I was tired because I was pregnant, tired mentally, and tired because it’s hard to sleep normally during the day! So physically, I would say that was the biggest effect- tired. Emotionally, I hated being away from my husband. I didn’t like going to sleep without him. Sometimes, depending on when he could get home and how many shifts I worked in a row, we would go DAYS without seeing each other! I think our longest stretch was 4 days… lunch bag notes and text messages were a mainstay for our communication.

Was it difficult to work with sick babies as you were going through your pregnancy and then once you had your son?

Absolutely. I was quite anxious throughout my pregnancy in a “know too much for my own good” kind of way. I know the NICU population is a small percentage in comparison to the healthy baby world, but it was not easy to constantly be reminded of things that could go wrong with my baby. Rory received many gentle love pats with the words, “Stay put” on my mind. (That is, until I reached term and then it was, “ANY DAY NOW!”) I remember when I was 24 weeks pregnant, and admitted a 24 week baby. That was a rough night. As nurses, it is often hard to detach ourselves from patients; this was almost impossible. I worried a great deal, but I do believe it helped me sympathize with the mothers and fathers of the babies for whom I cared. When I was 30 weeks pregnant, I was taking care of a 26 week infant. The baby’s mom had asked how far I was, and when I told her, she responded solemnly, “I wish I made it that far, I tried.” After that, I made absolutely certain never to complain about my minor aches or how ready I was for baby to get here, etc. while in front of parents. I cherished being pregnant and truly enjoyed it; I also became even more aware of what a special gift it is. So, you would think once I had a safe delivery of a healthy baby that there would be no more issues at work, right? Well, it was even harder! Having Rory galvanized my sensitivity to these poor, sick babies. Everyone told me that would happen, I just did not realize how strong it would be. I hugged him very tightly every morning I came home.

What led to your decision to leave your job and stay home?

Weekends and holidays…lol, but really. I was so sad to think of missing time together with my family. Ohhh I was in the thick of my own mental “mommy war.” I was on the edge and it was hard to take the plunge, but once I did the water felt great. I wanted to be with Rory and be the one who cared for him primarily. I liked the idea of being the one who could make the day-to-day decisions that would mold him into the man my husband and I hope him to become. I couldn’t be certain that someone else would make the same choices I would regarding Rory, and besides, childcare is crazy expensive. Part of the decision came down to spending money on childcare or losing a second income; honestly, the two were not far apart financially. He does something new every day and I did not want to miss anything. Apparently, It’s something I’ve always wanted since I was a little girl. As my mom says, I used to proclaim I would be a mommy when I grow up. Confession: I played with dolls until I was 13! In the end, work will always be there if I want it. Maybe not the same exact job at the same exact hospital, but I am a qualified and skilled nurse with a bachelor’s degree from a well known university, and will always be able to find employment. Work will be there, but the early years with my son won’t. I can’t get those back and I was fervently aware of that. I am also going back to school for my Master’s degree, so the plate was full and I wanted to make room somewhere. Props to all the mamas that can do it all!

Has it been difficult to adjust to your new lifestyle? Do you see yourself any differently?

It hasn’t been so hard to adjust. I love being home with Rory and have absolutely zero regret. I have time to do things for myself, Rory, and my husband that I don’t believe would happen were I working. Because I am not spread so thin, I have plenty of quality time with my son, and feel our marriage is stronger. I find also that I have more time to do things I enjoy, and simply said, this is great.

I think the hardest part of this whole journey was actually making the decision. I am thankful that I had so many supportive people in my life that helped guide me. My husband is an amazing man, and fully stood behind whatever choice I made. He was ready and willing to do his part for me to go back to work, and then he talked me through my decision to be with Rory. At first, I found myself justifying why I chose to be at home when people would ask. Almost like I needed to defend it or have a reason for it to be OK. That was short-lived, and I no longer consider the approval of others as a deciding factor…that is, for this decision or any other parenting choices. :) Work is not my identity anymore than stay-at-home mom makes me who I am. It is part, but not all. Just one of the many hats I happen to wear at the moment.

What kind of adjustments have you had to make going from a double-income family to a single?

Budgeting and sticking to it. Being more conscious of how we spend our money. I have learned to get creative when it comes to “date nights” with Cade or outings/activities with Rory. Who knew there were so many amazing and fun things to do in Houston for FREE! They are out there if you look.

Do you have any plans to start working again in the future?

Yes. I would like to be home with Rory as long as possible. I plan to complete school and hopefully have a more family friendly schedule. Hospital hours are hard for families.

What advice would you give to someone who is considering leaving their job?

You’re probably considering it because it is something you truly want to do…if you’re able, do it. Find what makes you happy and go with that. I discovered, if I am happy and true to myself, I make a better wife and mom. This makes our household happier. If being home is what will make a happy woman, go for it; if the workplace brings happiness, find a way to make that happen!

Do you have any practical tips or ideas to pass along that help you lead a more joyful, fulfilling life?

Find a supportive partner! My husband and I run like a well-oiled machine. Where I lack, he is strong and vice versa. Two weeks ago, he went out of town fishing and I certainly missed him! Throughout life, what brings me joy changes (sometimes daily), however, my husband will always bring me joy. Additionally, I rely strongly on my faith both in times of joy and darkness. Dismissing negative thoughts and purging my life of unnecessary woe and burden helps a great deal. I try not to be too hard on myself and I am encouraged that tomorrow brings a fresh start. Taking time for yourself is a must, but doing for others brings great joy.

Now a few questions for fun…

How do you like your coffee? Or are you a tea drinker?

I love both! Cade and I joke that we are hardcore now because we drink Dark Roast Coffee. We went out for breakfast one morning with family and had regular coffee and it was like drinking water. We are ruined. I take it with a bit of sugar and cream. I also enjoy tea and have ever since our honeymoon in Ireland/England. We stayed at a castle in Galway and we laid outside drinking tea and reading The Hobbit together by a river. Drinking tea while reading is forever nostalgic for me now.

What was the last good book you read?

The Elegance of the Hedgehog

What’s on your nightstand?

Well evidently, a few water stains lol. Always a glass of water and chapstick. “Sleeping glasses”- those that I wear while lying in bed watching a movie or reading. A box of tissues and some essential oils (these migrate throughout the house). A rosary my parents got for me in Lourdes, France. Usually whatever book I am reading, a few pictures from our wedding and this picture of Cade having a cup of coffee when we were in Madrid, Spain is one of my favorites. It was such a great day and I love remembering it.

Favorite social media site?

Probably Pinterest for recipes.

Can you recommend one blog you read?

Other than yours, I’m not a dedicated blog reader. :) I check in to twopedsinapod.com from time to time and I read the AAP briefs (not really a blog though lol!).

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Thanks so much for joining me today Maggie! Connect with her on Twitter or Instagram and let her know I sent you. :)

See all the posts in this series here. 

Working Mama Files is an interview series designed to support and encourage working moms along the path to having a fulfilling life.

Today I’m excited to feature Ashley from Our Little Apartment. I’ve always admired her simple and natural approach to life and motherhood, plus she’s just so great to know and talk to. She has a nontraditional work arrangement so I was really interested in hearing how she makes it work. Welcome Ashley!

Who lives in your house?

Me, my husband Mike, and my two boys – Gabe is 4 and Theo is three months old.

Will you tell us a little about your current job and how you ended up there?

I am a web designer and blogger – I ended up here after a few years of working at a school and for myself, now I just work for myself and I love it! I’m a self-taught website designer, though I did take a few community college classes as well. I went to college for something completely different, but turns out I love the creative and problem-solving aspects of creating websites!

Working for yourself seems so overwhelming to me! What do you see as the pros and cons of the situation?

Pros: The flexibility and autonomy. I am in charge of my schedule and workload. I can scale up and down as needed. I select clients that I want. I can work early, then take my son to the park – as long as I get my work done, no one tells me I can’t!

Working Mama Files is an interview series designed to support and encourage working moms along the path to having a fulfilling life.

Today I want to introduce you to my blogging buddy Melissa from Yours Truly, Melissa. She and I are both nurses (i.e. have non-creative day jobs) so we both love to be creative at home. On her blog she writes about life adventures, thoughts on family and motherhood, & creativity and DIY. She’s totally sweet and relatable and I’m thrilled to have her involved!

Who lives in your house?

I live with Matt, my husband of over three years, our one year old daughter Alice, and our German Shepperd, Penny Lane. Soon to join us is our second daughter due to arrive mid August! (Update: baby Elaine was born on August 13!)

Will you tell us a little about your current job and how you ended up there?

I generally don’t talk a ton about my day job online for privacy reasons, but I will share that I’m a registered nurse and I work in an out-patient clinic setting. Basically I work in a “doctor’s office” meaning we are open Monday through Friday during business hours and are closed during the weekends and holidays. I’m grateful for my current position because the schedule is really supportive of my family life. I actually came to my position via word of mouth. One day I heard there was an opening, which rarely happens, I applied, interviewed, and got the job!

You and I are both nurses, but our positions are vastly different. What are your thoughts on the different shifts & jobs you can have as a nurse? Would you ever want to switch to a different specialty or position?

I love that the career path of nursing offers so many different avenues.  Like you say, we are both nurse’s but what our day to day looks like is entirely different.  I’ve been a nurse for over 10 years now and have worked in several different areas.  I’ve worked in the hospital setting which includes the 12 hour shifts.  I’ve been an ICU nurse and a cardiac unit nurse.  I’ve had experience working for different types of surgeons and general medical clinics.  Most of my job changes are due to physical moves.  I moved a lot during the beginning of my career and was luckily able to secure a new job with each move.

I’m happy with my current job and have no plans of leaving.  The type of work and schedule is really the best fit for me and my family at this point in time.  Of course I’m always open to new opportunities.

Your baby girl just turned one, and you are getting ready to have your second any day now! What kind of things have you done to prepare yourself for having two under two?

Ha! After I read this question I thought “Hmmm maybe I should do some reading about siblings” and then promptly scoured Amazon for a few books on the subject.  Otherwise I just figure it’s going to be a very, very busy year for us :)  I did more reading before our first was born on topics like sleeping, breastfeeding, basic baby stuff, etc. We also attended a birthing class and had great resources in family members and friends who’d paved the way in the parenthood department before us.

Since our kiddos are going to be pretty close together in age (15 months!) most of that material is pretty fresh.  With that being said, I don’t think you can be fully prepared for the life change that happens once you have a child. You take what you know, what people tell you, and you hang on!  I suppose I figure that it’s going to go somewhat like that.

Are you planning to continue working, and if so, how will you handle childcare?

Yes I will continue working. I’ve always had mixed feelings about this subject matter. On one hand, I obviously, have an innate desire to be home with my kids caring for them. On the other hand, I think daycare has a lot benefits in regards to socializing and learning, etc. Alice has been attending a small daycare that keeps only babies until they are one year’s old. She starts a new daycare class with one-year-olds this week. Baby #2 will follow suit and hopefully attend the same baby daycare that her older sister attended.

I’m always impressed with you and all the projects you have going on, especially around your house. What has been your favorite?

Well thanks so much! Home improvement projects are definitely an ongoing process around here. Luckily my husband is very handy so he’s able to tackle the bigger home improvement projects. My favorite “big” home improvement project is probably our kitchen remodel. Matt did all the manual labor himself (I was 9 months pregnant with our first child when it was completed!). I picked mostly everything out, from the subway tile backsplash and dark grout to the farmhouse sink. Matt offered a lot of input, he would never let me have complete say so! ;)

On a smaller scale, I would choose the DIY botanical prints that I put together last summer as my favorite home improvement project that I completed all on my own.

How do you find time and inspiration to stay creative?

As I’m sure you can imagine, being a working mom to two little ones yourself, I don’t have a ton of extra free time. However, I realize that finding time for just myself is important for my mental health and so I do my best to seek it out. Matt and I usually give each other one night a week to do something on our own. He usually golfs (especially in the summer when it stays light out later) and I’ll usually meet up with girlfriends for dinner or do something like take an 8 week watercolor class. Otherwise I try to carve out a little time to do something creative during nap times on the weekends or for an hour or so after the baby goes to bed in the evenings.

As for staying inspired, I read a lot of inspiring blogs, magazines, books, and of course there’s pinterest. Also I try to actually do creative things like write, take photos, or make something crafty/arty. When I took a watercolor class earlier this year I often didn’t feel like going because it was after a long work day and I was just tired. Instead of skipping out, I would made myself go (hello! those types of things aren’t free!) and I always left class feeling creatively inspired and like I had learned something new. I never regretted going.

What has been your biggest struggle, doubt, or resistance so far being a working mom?

Mom guilt is the worst! I struggle with not being home with my child day in and day out. I feel bad that she has to go to daycare…I worry that she’ll feel neglected or less loved because she didn’t have a stay at home mom.

The rational part of me realizes this isn’t true…I was raised by a working mother (and father) and many of my friends were as well. I’ve never personally felt or heard any of my friends raised by working moms say that they felt neglected because they didn’t have a stay at home mom. Even so, these thoughts enter my mind and honestly I’m conflicted about wanting to be a stay at home versus maintaining my career. However, at this point in time, it’s best for my family if I remain working but if that situation ever changes and it becomes just a matter of preference I can’t say that I’d continue to work. It would be a tough decision for sure!

In your experience, what is the best part of being a working mom?

I’d have to say that the best part of being a working mother is getting out of the house and only being responsible for myself for a set amount of time each weekday. Taking care of a child all day is not easy and going places with them isn’t exactly easy either! It can seem overwhelming (all the stuff you need) especially for a new mama. Also being at work, feeling productive in another aspect besides being a mother, and having adult conversations can be so mentally rewarding. For me it’s refreshing to have that time away and I come back to my daughter with even more appreciation for her. After some time away, I’m able to focus on my child more fully than I do when I am with her all day, every day.

Do you have any tips or tricks to pass along that help you lead a more joyful, fulfilling life?

No. Just kidding. :)

Not to be trite, but laugh out loud and often! It’s hard to be anything but joyful when you’re laughing. Also, count your blessings. Focus on the things you have to be thankful for as opposed to honing in on the negative things. The latter is so easy to do for some reason. Focusing on the positive should be our knee jerk reaction, but it’s usually not. I find that I’m much happier when I put in an effort to focus on the positive things in my life.

Now a few questions for fun…

How do you like your coffee? Or are you a tea drinker?  

I drink both.  Occasionally I’ll go through seasons where I’ll drink hot tea but I often drink iced tea, unsweetened.

I love coffee and have it most mornings with whole milk and real sugar. I haven’t figured out a way to like black coffee.

What was the last good book you read?

I just finished The Night Circus by Erin Morgenstern. It’s filled with magic and I just love stories about magic for some reason.

What’s on your nightstand?

Besides my lamp? A roll of toilet paper (because I forget to buy kleenex), a jar of Aquaphor for my lips and cuticles, a water bottle, Tums (pregnancy heartburn!!!), library books, my cell phone, and the baby monitor.

Favorite social media site?

Instagram for sure.

Can you recommend one blog you read?

Just one? There are so many! :) I’ll share a new to me blog that I’ve been reading lately: Belgian and a Half. Amber is a working mama and wife that lives in the Pacific NW. She always has such pretty photos and her writing is straight forward and honest.

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Please join me in thanking Melissa for her thoughtful answers in the comments! Connect with her on her blog, Twitter, Instagram, or Pinterest! And let me know if you have a recommendation for someone to be featured in this series, or if you have ideas for topics you’d like covered.

You guys! I am super excited to introduce a new series to you called the working mama files. Having an awesome life while being a working mom is something I’m passionate about. I want to be supportive of moms in all their forms, but there’s no doubt that working moms have a unique set of issues. I really want us all to support, encourage, and learn from each other. I hope that this series of interviews will give some insight into the different situations we can be faced with, and maybe you will find someone new to connect with.

I’m especially excited today to kick off the series with an interview of my own mom! She did lots of different things while raising my brothers and me, and has learned a lot along the way.

Let me give you a quick introduction to our family history so that her answers make sense. My parents met and were married in Houston in 1980, and I was born there in February 1982. We moved to Pennsylvania soon after, where my brother David was born in April 1983 and my brother Barry in August 1985. After a couple more moves (to Louisiana and east Texas) where we lived less than one year each, we settled in with my grandmother (my mom’s mom) in Houston and stayed there for several years before moving to the suburbs, where my parents still live today.

I hope I didn’t lose you! Just writing out that history, and now being a mom myself, makes me so impressed with how my parents handled all of that change. Let’s get to the interview!

Mom pregnant with me

Who lives in your house?

Right now, Dad and myself, plus 2 dogs: Maisie, a hyper full blood Labrador Retriever and Oliver, the gentle (with us but not necessarily others, especially other animals) giant.

Will you tell us a little about your current job and how you ended up there?

I am a teacher at a small private school in downtown Katy, TX. This coming year will be my sixth year there.

Before that, I was teaching fifth grade at a charter school. That particular year there were three fifth grade teachers. The following year they were going to need only two. I figured that since I had seniority, one of the other two would be leaving. How wrong I was! I didn’t have my certification (another story), so I was let go.

My principal told me my current school, which was then more of a home school enrichment center and bookstore with a different name, was looking for a Latin teacher, and since I had some experience at teaching Latin, I should look there. I researched them online, and discovered that one of the owners of the school was a Creative Memories consultant that I had worked with years before and had been looking for. That’s when I decided to check out the school.

I went and found out the school was run by her daughter. I caught up with my friend’s life in the past seven or eight years, interviewed with the daughter, and was offered science and Spanish I. I accepted, even though I wasn’t wild about teaching science. (I had wanted history.) The history teacher decided she didn’t want to teach elementary, so I was offered that position, which I immediately accepted.

Through the years the school has transformed into a “real” school and has graduated three senior classes. I’m still teaching elementary and loving it!

Mom and me in the hospital after I was born

What was your work situation when you got pregnant with me?

I was working at an oil company group as a Quality Control Coordinator in the Word Processing Center.

What did you and Dad decide to do about working and childcare?

Dad got a job transfer to Philadelphia (and a raise) when you were four months old, so we decided I could stay home with you. No child care needed, praise the Lord!

My first Christmas; Mom was six months pregnant with my brother David

You had three kids in under four years. How did you make that work financially, and did you take on any work during our school years?

We cut a lot of corners, I couponed, and we did without a lot. Personal babysitting in the early years was through a babysitting co-op, which was a blessing.

Dad got laid off in December 1984; then about a month later, we found out we were expecting Barry. Shortly after Barry was born, I took a job in West Chester, PA as a legal secretary. That did not work out at all! Too hard to get 3 small children to the babysitter and then me to work. After that, I babysat other children for working moms. That was tough; 3 little ones of my own and 1-3 other young ones.

When you were 6, we moved to Mansfield, LA and I was blessed to not have to work or babysit. Then in 1990 when we moved in with B-Ma and Dad went to school for airplane mechanics, a long-time friend of mine recommended me for a night job at the law firm Andrews & Kurth in their Word Processing Center.

I was at Andrews & Kurth for six years until God convicted me He wouldn’t ask me how good a legal secretary I was but what did I do with the children He gave me to raise. That’s when I quit working at Andrews & Kurth and went back to school to finish my degree and become a teacher. You and I graduated the same year, you from high school and me from college. :-)

Taking pictures in the bluebonnets was a “thing” even back then

You mentioned that you worked at night. What was that like for you, and how did you manage it emotionally and logistically?

Working nights was hard, even though I’m a night owl. It threw me out of sync with the rest of the family except my mother (with whom we were living when I did this). Basically the only time I saw Dad was Saturday from late morning to early evening and early Sunday, and I began to feel a distance growing between us. He didn’t like to talk on the phone (he’d call me and tell me goodnight; we talked maybe 5 minutes each night), and my sleep schedule was almost exactly the opposite of his. He would go to sleep around 10pm and get up around 6am; I would go to bed around 3am, get up around 7am to be sure you and David were off to school, then I’d sleep again till 10-11am.

Logistically, Dad would take Barry to preschool on the way to his airplane mechanics classes and bring him home at the end of his day. I’d be home when you and David came home from school, and leave for work around 5pm for my shift, which was from 5:30pm to 1:30am. Dad usually arrived home after I had left for work. B-Ma helped a lot. Thankfully, this schedule didn’t last a huge long time as I got to transfer to days after a year or two.

Mom with my youngest brother Barry

Eventually you went back to school as an adult to switch careers. Can you tell us some more about that process, and what it was like to be in school at the same time as your kids?

We had moved out of B-Ma’s and into our current house. I found the time after I quit Andrews & Kurth a perfect opportunity to juggle home and outside activities. Since I was home already, Dad suggested I complete my degree, which he knew was a long-time dream of mine. I usually scheduled my classes to be home when you kids were home and had activities. I did have to take a couple of Saturday morning classes, so it wasn’t always possible, but I figured kid school time is my school time. (I’ve always wondered if David and Barry saw how hard I worked on school, and maybe that’s why they graduated a semester early.)

I’m very pleased that I was able to complete my degree. It did open doors for me that wouldn’t have been open otherwise, although I’m convinced I took a fairly substantial pay cut as a result of the career I chose, especially since I chose not to teach in public schools. I’ve felt very fulfilled as a teacher and have never regretted the change. God has always provided financially.

I’m the one on the top right with the Bangs

What was your biggest struggle, doubt, or resistance over the years of being a working mom?

Feeling guilty about working, thus abandoning my children and leaving their raising to someone else, including themselves as they grew older.

Did you pick up any tips or tricks along the way that helped you lead a happier, more fulfilling life?

Focus on, serve, and cling to Jesus. Pray hard when you need to. Enjoy the moments. Think about other people. Don’t turn down an opportunity to be with family.

My beautiful mom and me (also: I want that flower embroidery and rocking chair)

Now a few questions for fun…

How do you like your coffee? Or are you a tea drinker?

I don’t like either one. Unfortunately, I like Coke in the morning. The bubbles help me swallow my vitamins first thing.

What was the last good book you read?

It’s been a while since I read a really good book. I wish I could remember what it was! Any recommendations?

What’s on your nightstand?

A small boudoir lamp, an old-fashioned digital alarm clock, the remote controls to the overhead ceiling fan/lamp fixture and the clock radio on Dad’s side of the bed, a decorative plate in a picture frame stand, a votive candle in a holder, a land-line phone, and 7 books.

Favorite social media site?

I enjoy Pinterest and do some personal research there, though I don’t log on very often. I do like seeing what’s going on with people on Facebook, but it takes way too much time, so I don’t go there too often either, unless someone has a birthday or makes a comment involving me. I like the idea of Twitter, but I prefer not to let my deepest thoughts go out to whoever drops in. Texting is good for quick communiqués but not for lengthy discussions. I’m not sure what other sites there are, and the idea of keeping up with them is overwhelming. All in all, I think social media is not always a good thing, as people are perhaps becoming more isolated in the long run. I guess I’m old-school: relating is done better in person.

Can you recommend one blog you read?

Of course! Kapachino.info! I’m starting to follow another that’s covering the health issues of a friend of mine’s daughter/family. I drop in on a lot of different blogs, among them many you’ve recommended, but haven’t followed any yet.

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I hope you enjoyed getting to know my lovely mom a little bit! She is always so encouraging to me as I raise my kids, and I’m incredibly glad to have her as an example.

Stay tuned for the next in the series as I’ll be interviewing other bloggers and friends of mine. For now, it would be awesome if you leave my mama some love in the comments! And let me know if you have any suggestions for people to interview or topics you’d like to see touched on. Thanks everyone!