kapachino

Author: Kathleen

  • A Clean Slate

    I’ve obviously changed the look of things around here, and the reason is that my old design was entirely outdated. For one thing, I was sick of looking at the picture of myself in the header. Also, it said “engagement edition 2008” when I’ve been married for six months now. And finally, the look of the site didn’t really reflect my preferences anymore.

    So my brother is working on a new design (which I love), but since he does have a real job I am not his top priority. I don’t know why not, but try as I may I could not get him to change his mind. Anyway, instead of bugging him to death, I just decided to mix things up myself until he has the time to finish the redesign. Right now it’s pretty boring, but I’m working on it. I’m anything but a web design master, so bear with me.

  • The Future Revisited

    When I first went to college, like every kid I was faced with the premature decision of what to do with my life. I was never someone who always knew what I wanted to be when I grew up. I changed my mind a thousand times: from photographer, to singer, to physical therapist, to philosopher, to athletic trainer, to minister. In the end I got a degree that trained me to be a youth pastor, which I didn’t want to be, and another one that trained me how to think but didn’t leave me a lot of (read: ANY) job opportunities. I guess I followed through with it because I enjoyed the classes and the professors, and like most adolescents the future wasn’t something I seriously considered.

    It wasn’t until getting a random job through a friend working in medical records at a cancer clinic that I was faced with the nursing profession. After two months, it hit me that hey! I might like to be a nurse, and you know what? I’d probably be good at it. It would be a place where my analytical mind could safely collide with my ministry background and compassionate nature. This “temporary” job turned into two years of full-time work while attending more classes at night, followed by two years of nursing school, and my parents weren’t paying for it this time. When I graduated last May and passed boards, I felt like I could conquer the world, as long as I could stay out of school for more than a few months.

    Nursing has been everything and nothing like I expected it to be. It’s tough, it’s exhilarating, it’s incredibly draining, it’s incredibly fulfilling. I’m slowly mastering all the skills like I knew I would, but still haven’t quite mastered the feeling of when a patient I’ve grown attached to slips away. I expected the stress and to some extent the politics of the workplace, but I wasn’t prepared to face coworkers who clearly don’t like their jobs and are decidedly lacking in compassion for difficult patients. I just don’t see how anyone can do this for a single day without love, and a feeling of compulsion. As in, I MUST do this, it is what I’m meant for.

    I have a mentor at work, which, by the way, is something I’ve always wanted. She is a 64-year-old woman named Pat who has been a nurse for 41 years. As far as nursing goes, she’s everything I want to be. Not only is she wise, she sees each patient as a person and within a day knows his/her life story. She adopted me and is slowly teaching me everything she knows. I like having her around because she boosts my ego by saying things like, “You are the best new nurse I’ve ever worked with in all my years,” and says it to the doctors and patients, too.

    Over the weekend Pat told me that I need to become a nurse practitioner. I immediately protested: “That’s too much responsibility!”

    “No, not for your level of intelligence. You could be a doctor if you wanted to.”

    “I already have too many student loans!”

    “NP’s make three times the amount you make now, you could take classes online, and Methodist does tuition reimbursement. You can’t stop here, you’re too smart.”

    “But I’m sick of school…”

    My replies became more feeble as the conversation went on. I told her I would think about it, which is more than I would have done for anyone else. She caught me at an opportune time, because in May we do annual employee evaluations. To prepare for that, there are SO many things we have to do (no, really, you have NO idea all of the things we have to do), but one of them is to prepare a list of our goals. So far I had thought of two: become oncology certified, and be a preceptor for new nurses. The preceptor thing was thrust upon me already, so I’m down to one tangible goal. Statements like “be the best nurse I can be” won’t cut it.

    Should I do it? I don’t know. I haven’t really looked into it yet. Eventually I’ll get around to doing the research, followed by the inevitable pro/con list, and then I’ll ignore the list and go whichever way my instinct carries me. I’ve heard a lot of Christians struggle with answering the question “what is God’s will for my life?” But I know what God’s will is. He told us: love God and love others. I can do that no matter what profession I’m in.

    Maybe I’ll work my way up the ranks and become a manager. Maybe I’ll have babies and transfer to a clinic where I don’t have to work weekends. Maybe I’ll get certified in pain management and work at a hospice. Maybe I’ll grit my teeth and stay here, literally getting my hands dirty, and become a mentor to someone else down the line like Pat is to me. Maybe I’ll go back to school and become a nurse practitioner. Whatever I end up doing, I know it’ll be right. And hopefully, I’ll learn to better do God’s will along the way.

  • Reading and Reflection

    My brother-in-law Scott recently created his own book database which I have had the pleasure of reading. I, too, keep a record of all the books I’ve read, but I do it at Goodreads because I’m not as smart as he is; I can’t create a website on my own. But he WAS  the valedictorian of our high school class, so I don’t expect anything less.

    Anyway, Scott’s database is much more thorough than mine is, and he writes a synopsis and critique of each book whereas I just give a rating and occasionally write a short review. One of the books Scott has written about is Out of the Silent Planet by C.S. Lewis. This is the first of a sci-fi trilogy which I read and enjoyed. It is sort of an allegory about a man, Ransom, who visits other planets. Scott writes about one encounter Ransom has with the species on this new planet. Allow me to quote him:

    “Ransom has an interesting conversation with Hyoi at one point about memory in regards to sexual experience. The hrossa only have sex for procreation, so Ransom asks if they miss the fact that it happens so infrequently. Hyoi, however, claims that it is only by remembering something for years that the experience of that thing truly becomes complete. Clearly this is a very Catholic idea, but at heart it is very appealing. After all, I often find myself jumping from one new experience to the next (be it books, games, or life in general) rather than reflecting and contemplating what I have experienced in the past. In fact, this book database effort is an example of me realizing that and attempting in some way to deal with it. My hope is that, in time, my past experience with a book will become richer as I reflect upon it with greater wisdom and maturity.”

    When I read that, I realized that I am the exact same way, especially with books. There are so many I want to read, so the very minute I finish one I pick up the next. Immediately, the impact of the last book is lost. Only a very few books do I re-read. The book club I’ve been in for over three years is helpful in that it gives me a chance to discuss the books we’ve chosen, but by the time we have our meetings it’s usually been weeks since I’ve read the book and have forgotten a lot of it.

    I would love to write about books the way Scott is attempting to. I just don’t know if I can commit that amount of time to it. And what about the rest of my life? Do I ever take time to reflect? Well, sometimes. In the morning when I’m driving to work I make it a point not to listen to music, and I talk to myself instead. This blog forces me to think about my life in order to write about it coherently.

    For Lent, which I never wrote about because my website was down when it started, I decided to slow down. I wouldn’t take on any new commitments, I would spend more time with my husband and my family, I would drive the speed limit, and every morning I would write in a prayer journal. For the most part I’ve done these things, and although I want them to be part of my lifestyle from now on, I’m not sure if they’re going to stick – except for the spending time with family part. That one’s easy, although my parents may protest otherwise.

    I guess I’m just thinking about thinking. I want all my experiences to be full and complete. I’d love to hear your thoughts. How do you read books? Do you take any intentional time to reflect on your life?

  • it’s a beautiful, blustery day

    and even though I am pet-sitting two 100-pound, neurotic, needy dogs who woke me up no less than FIVE times during the night, and probably will again tonight and for the next seven nights, therefore resigning me to the fact that I will simply be exhausted for the next week, I am still grateful that I have today off, and that my camera works again, and that the day is beautiful despite, or because of, the early morning storm.

    From my backyard:

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    An adorable birdhouse.

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    A pretty flower.

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    The window sill-chewer herself.

    How can you not love spring?

  • On Being A Homeowner

    First of all, I want to say that I love love LOVE having my own home. We’ve been there three months now, and I can’t imagine living anywhere else. I’m going to gush about it for just a bit so bear with me. Here are some (not all) of the things I love about our house.

    The neighborhood. Quiet, well-kept, lots of trees, amazing location. We’re not even a minute from the major freeway that runs across Houston. So even though we’re far west, it doesn’t take much time to get into town.

    The yard. We have a pretty corner lot that is already nicely landscaped with a working sprinkler system installed. With the help of our lawn man Gomez (his first name is yet to be determined) and his fat dog who waddles around after him, we keep it looking nice.

    Garage. Detached, which was actually one of my top criteria for choosing a house. It’s big enough for our boat and two cars, with wall-to-wall peg board. We have yet to make use of said peg board, but we will!

    Floors. Hardwood flooring throughout the front half of the house, and the perfect burber carpet in the hallway and bedrooms.

    Layout. Lots of open space in the front, plenty of rooms, with the master bedroom all the way in the back for privacy. I especially like the cute little “nursery,” as we call it, that is attached to the master bedroom, even though right now it’s just my yoga room.

    Kitchen. Updated countertops, sink, and appliances with a good amount of counter space.

    It really is somewhere I could see myself living potentially for the rest of my life. But I’m new at this, and there are some adjustments. Here are some of the frustrations I’m experiencing that come along with owning a home.

     Our continued lack of furniture. We have friends who have a license to buy furniture at cost, so we ordered from them. We are getting a lot of pieces for a good price. Unfortunately, the chairs we want are backordered, and unless we want to pay two freight charges (we don’t) we have to wait until EVERYTHING is in to get ANYTHING. We have been waiting for over a month and still we don’t even have an approximate arrival time. It is getting really old not to have a table of any kind other than TV trays. Also, I don’t feel that I can really start decorating until the furniture gets here and I see how it looks.

    Leaky pipes. A few weeks ago we had a leak in our attic. I think I mentioned it – water literally pouring from the ceiling? Yeah. My father-in-law and a friend were able to patch up the leak, but eventually we will need to replace all of the pipes in the attic. Also, we now need to replace the drywall in the bathroom ceiling unless we want a colony of mold growing (we don’t). I can’t say for certain, but I’m pretty sure that’s not going to be cheap.

    My dog’s newfound chewing habit. Two days ago I came home to find that my dog Cleo (I know it was her) had chewed up the corner of the windowsill in the front room. She and Eddie, David’s dog, usually stick to ripping up trash and scattering it around the house, or chewing holes in the socks he leaves on the floor, so this surprised me. Yesterday, she was at it again and now it is about half chewed. This is not pretty! And also, I have no idea how to fix it. Cayenne pepper? Fake wood and paint? No clue.

    Choosing paint colors. I’d really like some new paint on the walls, and yes, I do plan on painting the wood paneling in our living room and the wood cabinets in the kitchen. Some people may not think that’s a good idea, but I like things bright. And we could paint at any time, because we actually have a good bit of money escrowed for paint from the sale of the house. But anytime I try to actually choose colors, I freeze up. What if the colors I choose end up looking horrible on the walls? I get so nervous thinking about it that I don’t do anything. I need a personal design coordinator. Anyone want to apply? I could pay you in Girl Scout Cookies.

    Quirks. Every single door to the outside of our house (all four of them) has a different key. To unlock all of these doors from the inside, we have to have a key. Am I wrong, or could this be a fire hazard? Also, random electrical outlets aren’t working, including all of those in the master and hall bathrooms. I am blow-drying my hair in the hallway. I looked for the fuse box, but couldn’t find it. Admittedly, I am lost when it comes to this kind of stuff.

    Whew. I think that’s it for now. Overall, the house is great, and I know that eventually we’ll get it fixed up. It’s just hard to learn all the stuff I need to learn about upkeep and repairs and decor. But I’ll get there.