Category: motherhood

a weekday morning last week

One weekday morning last week, as soon as I got up, I decided on the spur of the moment to document my morning in detail. I had no idea that it would be the most stressful morning that week. Reading this now I am not sure whether to laugh or cry.

On one hand, the kids aren’t usually THIS needy. But on the other hand, this is not really out of the ordinary. Meredith is an intense child, which can make her super awesome and fun, but also difficult.

So here you go: a detailed examination of a weekday morning in the life of a working mom, with a spirited child and an infant.

***

3:30 am: I first wake up & nurse Liam. He hasn’t been sleeping well lately.

4:30 am: I’m kind of awake but stay lying in bed. I’m not sleeping well lately either.

5:00 am: I roll out of bed. Get coffee, check email and to-do’s on my phone, do Bible study, & journal. Watch the kids on the baby monitor.

5:45 am: I notice Liam is awake. I grab him & sit back down to cuddle.

5:50 am: David’s alarm goes off, but it doesn’t phase him. I rouse him. He goes back to sleep. Meredith is still asleep next to him. Finish journaling.

5:57 am: Meredith comes walking into the craft room, where I do my morning devotions. She is still sleepy and begins whining that she can’t open her eyes because it’s too bright. (This is my first clue that it might be a rough morning.) I pick her up and carry her to the kitchen while Liam plays with toys on the ground.

6:00 am: I make David’s lunch while holding Meredith.

6:11 am: I rouse David again. I move the kids to their room to play, since Meredith is kind of awake now. Change Liam’s diaper. As soon as I walk out Meredith starts complaining about Liam taking the pieces to her puzzle. Try to explain to her that he is a baby. Move him away and give him a new toy. Meredith isn’t happy.

6:19 am: Get David up for real. I hear Meredit crying “don’t leave my mommy!!” from her room. Pick her up and take her to the kitchen.

6:20 am: Make fried eggs and put together my lunch all the while Meredith is whining about different things (“I want mixed up eggs, I’m hungry, I want blue bowl, no green bowl, etc.) and I can hear Liam crying for attention from his room. I’ve only drank about half my coffee.

6:38 am: David leaves for work. The kids and I sit down to breakfast. Liam is in his high chair, but Meredith insists on sitting in my lap. Once we are settled she decides she needs a drink (which I forgot to get) but it has to be out of my cup. She asks to say a prayer.

6:47 am: I scarf my eggs and begin prepping Liam’s bottles. Meredith is still eating.

6:50 am: Meredith says she’s done, but half her eggs are left. We have a big argument because she wants to dump them down the drain and I don’t want to waste them. I eat them and she freaks out. She calms down when I let her “wash” dishes.

6:55 am: Meredith needs to potty. She is crying about everything at this point. I help her potty and stuff Liam’s cloth diapers for daycare.

6:57 am: I get Liam from the high chair and Meredith goes back to washing dishes. I start to walk away and Meredith flips out about something (who knows) but water/soap is all over the place. I just leave it.

7:05 am: I force an antibiotic down Liam’s throat and Meredith is crying “don’t leave me!” from the kitchen, so I have two screaming kids.

7:06 am: While Meredith cries about the dishes I get Liam dressed and then set him down to play. I quickly make the bed and get myself dressed.

7:13 am: Do my makeup in literally two minutes.

7:15 am: I pick up the puzzle & kids toys, then nurse Liam sitting on the floor. Meredith walks in saying she put her bowl away all by herself. She seems happy again. I try to get her to pick out clothes, but she says she has to wash dishes first. I thought she just did that? I hafta to do it again! And off she goes. I hear her talking and singing to herself. Praying her bad mood has passed.

7:24 am: Liam is done nursing so I go to round up Meredith. She has gotten into the cabinets. She HAS to do this, MOMMY! I fill out Liam’s daily sheet for daycare.

7:26 am: I begin trying to convince Meredith to get dressed. I pick out her clothes. Miraculously she accepts my choices and lets me dress her and help her clean up the dishes.

7:35 am: Load up the car. Meredith NEEDS to put on her jacket in the car.

7:41 am: We pull out of driveway. I am running late but the kids are happy! Meredith “reads” a children’s Bible book in the car. Jesus is in his cage. Why he in his cage, I don’t know.

7:43 am: We arrive at daycare. Meredith has a breakdown because she can’t bring her book inside (I would let her, but it’s school rules). Quickly drop off Liam to baby room. (Usually I take him to see the preschoolers and drop him off second, but this meltdown needs intervention.)

7:45 am: I carry Meredith to the 3’s room. She cries for me to put her hair in a ponytail (she usually refuses to have it up). I ask the teacher for a hair tie. Meredith sits down to eat her second breakfast.

7:52 am: I finally leave for work even though I should be arriving there right now. I eat a banana in the car and listen to a podcast. I try not to think about how stressful the morning was.

8:09 am: I clock in at work. I’m only 9 minutes late which is not bad considering the craziness. Then I realize I forgot my pumping bottles at home. Also I’m the only nurse and there is already a patient waiting for me. Let’s do this!!

***

I’m a morning person, but I am frequently overwhelmed at the amount of effort it takes to get everyone out the door on time. I usually do prep as much as I can the night before, but I hadn’t done that this time. It wasn’t the primary reason for the difficulty of the morning, but it didn’t help.

How do y’all do it? How do you make your mornings as smooth as possible?

p.s. – David & I have a system where I do mornings (since I’m a morning person) and he does nights (since he’s a night owl). He also completely cleans the kitchen every night and does almost all the errands. So I try to let him have his easy mornings, although he is definitely willing to get up and help if I really need him. In hindsight I should have asked for that on this particular morning!

October 23, 2014
liam at nine months

He:

>Had a wet cough for weeks and weeks until it finally turned into a sinus infection. Then he did ten days of antibiotics, and on the tenth day he got a fever. Ear infection. So he’s still sick, poor boy, plus the diaper rash and diarrhea that goes along with antibiotics.

>Weighs 25 pounds 7 ounces. That’s 100th percentile.

>Usually cries and struggles when I put him in the car seat now.

>Loves: a big basket of toys, being turned upside down, watching Meredith jump on the bed and her general silliness, funny gurgling noises, and being outside.

>Says, “nuh nuh nuh” when I put him in nursing position and I wonder if he’s actually trying to talk.

>Usually has two 4 oz bottles of breastmilk during daycare and 1-2 jars of baby food. Then one nursing session sometime after I pick him up, and once before bed.

>Has his two bottom teeth now. He’s bitten me softly while nursing a few times but so far it’s not really a problem.

>Fits most comfortably in 12-18 month clothes.

>Pulled up to standing for the first time about a week ago! He still hasn’t crawled, but he can roll across the floor in two seconds.

I:

>Need to think about his first birthday party if I’m going to do a big one like I did for Meredith. I want to, but it seems much more overwhelming this time since I’m busier and it comes right after the holidays.

>Started planning and shopping for Christmas. If I’m not careful I can easily feel overwhelmed about the holidays already, which is dumb. So I’m just trying to prepare, prioritize, and simplify.

>Speaking of Christmas, I pulled out the advent calendar again and now I’m a little obsessed with it. I think I might try to finish it by December after all.

>Need to think of a meaningful repeating gift to give Liam at each birthday and Christmas. For Meredith I’ve been doing Puffin classics & writing a note inside but I don’t want to do the exact same thing for him. Any ideas?

>Know that Liam is going to be a fish for Halloween (because we have Meredith’s old costume) and Meredith wants to be Spider-Man (so far) but we haven’t gotten her costume yet.

>Decided not to do a strict whole30 this time around. A little dark chocolate here and there does wonders for my mood. :)

>Have been really limited on personal time lately, and yet at the same time I’ve been quite inspired creatively. It’s hard when you have lots of ideas and no time to put them into action. So I’ve been thinking a lot about prioritizing, and feeling better about the plan I came up with. More thoughts to come.

For reference:

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1 month
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Meredith at 9 months

October 21, 2014
working mama files : nora from walking with nora

Working Mama Files is an interview series designed to support and encourage working moms along the path to having a fulfilling life.

Today I am so happy to have Nora from the blog Walking With Nora here. Without question, Nora is one of my favorite people on the internet. There aren’t many people in this world who are as encouraging, loyal, and thoughtful as she is. This interview is especially interesting because Nora is a bonus mom! Keep reading to find out more about that; I think you’ll love her perspective. Welcome Nora!

Who lives in your house?

On a full-time basis it’s myself, my husband (who I’ve nicknamed Knight) and our furdog, Jack. In the summer months we have my husband’s two daughters, from his previous marriage, with us for anywhere from two to three months.

Will you tell us a little about your current job and how you ended up there?

I’ve been with the same company for the last nine years and I have held numerous different job roles: assistant, logistics, instructor (for a brief period of time) and my current which is sales/marketing and some internal logistics/future planning. When I graduated college in 2004 with my B.A. in International Political Studies with a goal of working as a lobbyist or for a non-profit, I applied all over the place. I received the same answer each time: “you need experience.” Frustrated, I turned to the business world and began working for the family business. It was never my intent to work for the family business but so far it’s worked out well. I’ve climbed my way up the ranks, making a name other than “the boss’ daughter” for myself. It’s not easy but most days I really enjoy what I do!

I love that you call yourself a “bonus mom.” Can you explain that to us?

One of my earliest blog-turned-real-life-friends, Mandy, introduced me to the term Bonus Mom saying that she was never a fan of the phrase “step mom” because of the connotations, and I had to agree. I think any positive spin that you can add to a complicated divorce situation is helpful. What I mean by this: divorce is hard. If I can come up with a way for people to look at my role in the girls’ life as a positive influence rather than a sad thing because their parents got divorced, darn right I will do it. I’ve seen the toll the divorce situation takes on the kids and while I can’t fix it, I can influence it as best I can. I am a bonus; an extra person in a parenting role who cares and will do the best I can to shape their lives within the parenting morals, values, etc. that Knight and I have established together.

What were your thoughts when you met your husband and found out that he already had kids? Did it take awhile for you to come around to the idea or was it an immediate acceptance?

When I first met Knight I was OK with the fact that he had kids. Having been a babysitter and nanny over the years, I wasn’t worried about getting along with them or helping out. What I wasn’t prepared for? How complicated being a parent is when the kids split their time between two parents. Two different sets of rules, houses, expectations, guidelines, etc. I also wasn’t prepared for the emotional drain that the situation would take on Knight and myself, which does and can directly impact our relationship (if we let it!). At the very beginning it was almost like I was a nanny or babysitter: I made food, did laundry, helped with homework and bedtime, but there was no real joy out of it. I had my guard up and so did the girls. Over the last several years that guard has softened and we get along splendidly, they respect me as an adult in a parenting role and it’s gotten (mostly) easier.

How do the girls split their time between their mom and you two?

Currently we are summertime parents. It’s not what we wanted but it’s the best that we were able to arrange for. If we are lucky we get some time at the holidays and maybe in between, but that varies so we don’t bank on it or get ourselves too hopeful about it.

Will you tell us the kind of things you do to prepare for your time with them?

Of course! One of the things that I do all the time is keep an eye on the kids’ clearance sections. If there’s a basic piece that I know they will be able to use for at least one or two summers, I’ll buy it. Same thing with books; I go to used book sales and get them more books to add to their library in their room. About three months before their arrival, I print out a traditional paper calendar for the month(s) that they will be with us and begin the camp/day care/sitter planning. We do have a strict budget when the girls are with us so I have to be careful to find camps that will fulfill their need for activities and education but also not break our budget. Additionally I check our library’s website for the free events that are going on and make note of them as the girls adore our library. Bonus: it’s a break for the sitter if we have one on that day. I like to have as much planned out as possible for the daytime when we are at work, but still leave flexibility for random days at the zoo, park, movie days, etc. I also make a run to Sam’s to get some basics in terms of food: cereal, fruit, waffles, all-natural juice boxes, yogurt, etc. The girls eat like teenage boys and I can never have enough food. Meal planning is a weekly occurrence in our house to avoid multiple trips to the grocery store.

How does the rhythm of your day change when the kids are with you? Is your work affected?

Short answer: Yes.

Long answer: Depending on what camp the girls are attending that week or what sitter we have, Knight and I will flex our work schedules accordingly. I will go in early to come home early, he will go in later or vice versa. My work is affected because when I’m at work I feel like I should be at home, and when I’m at home I feel like I should be at work. I think I work harder and smarter when the kids are around, though, so that I can maximize time with them. A rhythm of my day change: when I walk in the door the girls are clamoring for dinner; it takes several deep breaths before I can switch from work mode to mom-mode making dinner, not to mention I’m rarely hungry for dinner at 5:30pm! I also have to adjust my workout timing when the girls are around so I get uses to having two shadows who work out with me or I do it after they go to bed. (I’m the worst morning person in the world.)

What has been your biggest struggle, doubt, or resistance so far being a working mom?

I feel horrible leaving the girls to go to work each day.

I feel like there is never enough of me to go around: at work, to the girls, to my husband, my family, and my friends, much less myself. By the end of their summer with us I’m drained as I’m horrible at preserving my energy which leaves me grumpy and frustrated and not the best version of myself. Sometimes I wonder if maybe I should try to do part-time when they are with us because I feel like I’m half-assing (pardon my language) everything in my life.

I also struggle with the finances aspect; it’s amazing how expensive child care is. A necessary evil but it’s tough to wrap my head around.

Do you have any tips or tricks to pass along that help you lead a more joyful, fulfilling life?

This one is tough for me, but be sure to take time for you. Meaning: say no to too many plans, or tell the hubs you need a break for a half hour. Go for a drive, run to the grocery store alone, or take a long walk with the dog. It’s very hard for me to say no to the girls when they ask to go with me to Target or the library but I know myself well enough to know: I have to be the best version of myself for them as much as possible and that means taking some time out. Along those lines I instituted a no phone policy on my way home from work. Unless it was urgent, I didn’t call anyone on the drive home. Just me, my thoughts and some really loud music. It gave me some time to process, rev up for the evening and to just be.

Knight and I realized after our first two summers with the kidlets that we had to back off the number of kid activities and do more life activities. Don’t get me wrong, we love exposing them to new adventures but it can be a lot. This past summer we took it down a notch and took the girls to things that we like to do but would also be of interest to them. Miracle of miracles, it worked! It gave us more joy and we were able to show the girls a different side of their parents. A win for everyone, I think.

Specific to being a Bonus Mom, I’ve told the girls three simple things: 1. I always love you. 2. You can always talk to me. And 3. I will always tell you the truth (appropriate for their age level of course). There are a lot of nuances and weird things the girls are unfortunately figuring out so I want them to know that no matter what I’m always there for them. I think this is likely how all moms/parents feel, but in my particular situation with seeing the girls so rarely, I really try to hit this point home with them.

Now a few questions for fun…

How do you like your coffee? Or are you a tea drinker?

In the morning I’m all about the water! I’m loving tea more as I get “older,” and am a huge fan of peppermint, chamomile and lavender teas.

What was the last good book you read?

That Part was True by Deborah McKinely. It’s a lovely tale about an American Author and a British divorcée. They don’t know each other apart from exchanging letters, recipes and spend absolutely no time together in the book. It reminds me a bit of You’ve Got Mail meets Serendipity meets Sleepless in Seattle, just with less rom/com aspects.

What’s on your nightstand?

A stack of books, hair ties, a cup of water, a book light, my Nook and usually my cell phone.

Favorite social media site?

Instagram. I love the snapshots of people’s days and into their lives, not to mention how well a photo can tell a story.

Can you recommend one blog you read?

I read yours religiously (not just going for brownie points here, I swear!) because you have such a great mix of the everyday, parenting, lifestyle and crafts. You’re always an inspiration. I also love reading Becky (Love Everyday Life) and Terra (Terra Bear); they don’t blog as often as they once did but when they do their posts pack some serious punch.

***

Thank you Nora! Isn’t she awesome? Connect with Nora on her blog, Twitter, and Goodreads (she’s a reader!).

See all the posts in this series here.

October 20, 2014
working mama files // maggie rhoden

Working Mama Files is an interview series designed to support and encourage working moms along the path to having a fulfilling life.

Today I am featuring one of my real life friends, Maggie Rhoden. I met Maggie at my first job, before either of us had kids, where we both started out working on an inpatient oncology unit as nurses. We connected quickly and stayed friends after Maggie changed specialties. She is so fun and laid-back and real, and I just adore being her friend. She is also my motherhood pen pal! I know you will love her!

Who lives in your house?

My husband and myself along with our 8 month old son, Rory and our 5 year old Westie, Dolly

You are actually not working at the moment, but very recently made the decision to stay at home with your son. Before this you were working as a nurse (yay!) in the neonatal ICU. What was your job like?

Challenging and dynamic. Very fast-paced for the most part. It was a large unit 120+ babies ranging from premature babies to sick and surgical patients. Usually, I would be in charge of the care for 1-3 babies depending on how sick they were. I worked 12 hour shifts 3 days a week, but there was often opportunity for overtime, if I desired. My co-workers were great and I love being a NICU nurse!

Since you were working nights for part of that time, what kind of influence do you think that had on your health – emotionally and physically?

Working nights is tough, especially in the NICU. It is just as busy as during the day shift, albeit in different ways. Sick and premature babies are born at all hours of the day and night after all. ;) There were things I did enjoy about the night shift, but overall it is not something I could ever do long-term. Sleep was a joke, and it drove me mental when I was pregnant and everyone would kindly suggest that I “stock up on sleep before baby!” Ha. I was tired because I was pregnant, tired mentally, and tired because it’s hard to sleep normally during the day! So physically, I would say that was the biggest effect- tired. Emotionally, I hated being away from my husband. I didn’t like going to sleep without him. Sometimes, depending on when he could get home and how many shifts I worked in a row, we would go DAYS without seeing each other! I think our longest stretch was 4 days… lunch bag notes and text messages were a mainstay for our communication.

Was it difficult to work with sick babies as you were going through your pregnancy and then once you had your son?

Absolutely. I was quite anxious throughout my pregnancy in a “know too much for my own good” kind of way. I know the NICU population is a small percentage in comparison to the healthy baby world, but it was not easy to constantly be reminded of things that could go wrong with my baby. Rory received many gentle love pats with the words, “Stay put” on my mind. (That is, until I reached term and then it was, “ANY DAY NOW!”) I remember when I was 24 weeks pregnant, and admitted a 24 week baby. That was a rough night. As nurses, it is often hard to detach ourselves from patients; this was almost impossible. I worried a great deal, but I do believe it helped me sympathize with the mothers and fathers of the babies for whom I cared. When I was 30 weeks pregnant, I was taking care of a 26 week infant. The baby’s mom had asked how far I was, and when I told her, she responded solemnly, “I wish I made it that far, I tried.” After that, I made absolutely certain never to complain about my minor aches or how ready I was for baby to get here, etc. while in front of parents. I cherished being pregnant and truly enjoyed it; I also became even more aware of what a special gift it is. So, you would think once I had a safe delivery of a healthy baby that there would be no more issues at work, right? Well, it was even harder! Having Rory galvanized my sensitivity to these poor, sick babies. Everyone told me that would happen, I just did not realize how strong it would be. I hugged him very tightly every morning I came home.

What led to your decision to leave your job and stay home?

Weekends and holidays…lol, but really. I was so sad to think of missing time together with my family. Ohhh I was in the thick of my own mental “mommy war.” I was on the edge and it was hard to take the plunge, but once I did the water felt great. I wanted to be with Rory and be the one who cared for him primarily. I liked the idea of being the one who could make the day-to-day decisions that would mold him into the man my husband and I hope him to become. I couldn’t be certain that someone else would make the same choices I would regarding Rory, and besides, childcare is crazy expensive. Part of the decision came down to spending money on childcare or losing a second income; honestly, the two were not far apart financially. He does something new every day and I did not want to miss anything. Apparently, It’s something I’ve always wanted since I was a little girl. As my mom says, I used to proclaim I would be a mommy when I grow up. Confession: I played with dolls until I was 13! In the end, work will always be there if I want it. Maybe not the same exact job at the same exact hospital, but I am a qualified and skilled nurse with a bachelor’s degree from a well known university, and will always be able to find employment. Work will be there, but the early years with my son won’t. I can’t get those back and I was fervently aware of that. I am also going back to school for my Master’s degree, so the plate was full and I wanted to make room somewhere. Props to all the mamas that can do it all!

Has it been difficult to adjust to your new lifestyle? Do you see yourself any differently?

It hasn’t been so hard to adjust. I love being home with Rory and have absolutely zero regret. I have time to do things for myself, Rory, and my husband that I don’t believe would happen were I working. Because I am not spread so thin, I have plenty of quality time with my son, and feel our marriage is stronger. I find also that I have more time to do things I enjoy, and simply said, this is great.

I think the hardest part of this whole journey was actually making the decision. I am thankful that I had so many supportive people in my life that helped guide me. My husband is an amazing man, and fully stood behind whatever choice I made. He was ready and willing to do his part for me to go back to work, and then he talked me through my decision to be with Rory. At first, I found myself justifying why I chose to be at home when people would ask. Almost like I needed to defend it or have a reason for it to be OK. That was short-lived, and I no longer consider the approval of others as a deciding factor…that is, for this decision or any other parenting choices. :) Work is not my identity anymore than stay-at-home mom makes me who I am. It is part, but not all. Just one of the many hats I happen to wear at the moment.

What kind of adjustments have you had to make going from a double-income family to a single?

Budgeting and sticking to it. Being more conscious of how we spend our money. I have learned to get creative when it comes to “date nights” with Cade or outings/activities with Rory. Who knew there were so many amazing and fun things to do in Houston for FREE! They are out there if you look.

Do you have any plans to start working again in the future?

Yes. I would like to be home with Rory as long as possible. I plan to complete school and hopefully have a more family friendly schedule. Hospital hours are hard for families.

What advice would you give to someone who is considering leaving their job?

You’re probably considering it because it is something you truly want to do…if you’re able, do it. Find what makes you happy and go with that. I discovered, if I am happy and true to myself, I make a better wife and mom. This makes our household happier. If being home is what will make a happy woman, go for it; if the workplace brings happiness, find a way to make that happen!

Do you have any practical tips or ideas to pass along that help you lead a more joyful, fulfilling life?

Find a supportive partner! My husband and I run like a well-oiled machine. Where I lack, he is strong and vice versa. Two weeks ago, he went out of town fishing and I certainly missed him! Throughout life, what brings me joy changes (sometimes daily), however, my husband will always bring me joy. Additionally, I rely strongly on my faith both in times of joy and darkness. Dismissing negative thoughts and purging my life of unnecessary woe and burden helps a great deal. I try not to be too hard on myself and I am encouraged that tomorrow brings a fresh start. Taking time for yourself is a must, but doing for others brings great joy.

Now a few questions for fun…

How do you like your coffee? Or are you a tea drinker?

I love both! Cade and I joke that we are hardcore now because we drink Dark Roast Coffee. We went out for breakfast one morning with family and had regular coffee and it was like drinking water. We are ruined. I take it with a bit of sugar and cream. I also enjoy tea and have ever since our honeymoon in Ireland/England. We stayed at a castle in Galway and we laid outside drinking tea and reading The Hobbit together by a river. Drinking tea while reading is forever nostalgic for me now.

What was the last good book you read?

The Elegance of the Hedgehog

What’s on your nightstand?

Well evidently, a few water stains lol. Always a glass of water and chapstick. “Sleeping glasses”- those that I wear while lying in bed watching a movie or reading. A box of tissues and some essential oils (these migrate throughout the house). A rosary my parents got for me in Lourdes, France. Usually whatever book I am reading, a few pictures from our wedding and this picture of Cade having a cup of coffee when we were in Madrid, Spain is one of my favorites. It was such a great day and I love remembering it.

Favorite social media site?

Probably Pinterest for recipes.

Can you recommend one blog you read?

Other than yours, I’m not a dedicated blog reader. :) I check in to twopedsinapod.com from time to time and I read the AAP briefs (not really a blog though lol!).

***

Thanks so much for joining me today Maggie! Connect with her on Twitter or Instagram and let her know I sent you. :)

See all the posts in this series here.

October 6, 2014
working mama files : ashley from our little apartment

Working Mama Files is an interview series designed to support and encourage working moms along the path to having a fulfilling life.

Today I’m excited to feature Ashley from Our Little Apartment. I’ve always admired her simple and natural approach to life and motherhood, plus she’s just so great to know and talk to. She has a nontraditional work arrangement so I was really interested in hearing how she makes it work. Welcome Ashley!

Who lives in your house?

Me, my husband Mike, and my two boys – Gabe is 4 and Theo is three months old.

Will you tell us a little about your current job and how you ended up there?

I am a web designer and blogger – I ended up here after a few years of working at a school and for myself, now I just work for myself and I love it! I’m a self-taught website designer, though I did take a few community college classes as well. I went to college for something completely different, but turns out I love the creative and problem-solving aspects of creating websites!

Working for yourself seems so overwhelming to me! What do you see as the pros and cons of the situation?

Pros: The flexibility and autonomy. I am in charge of my schedule and workload. I can scale up and down as needed. I select clients that I want. I can work early, then take my son to the park – as long as I get my work done, no one tells me I can’t!

Cons: I don’t have people to bounce ideas off of. I get no maternity leave. I can’t waste time and still get paid. I may not leave the house for days! I don’t get to wear cute outfits to work. (Silly, but it was fun to dress up for my office job!)

And the eternal question of work/home balance: how do you manage that when your work IS at home?

That is certainly the trade-off to the wonderful flexibility I enjoy! I can’t ever really escape work, but since I enjoy my work so much, I don’t need to escape it. I try to just put blinders on when I’m in either mode – ignoring the dishes in the sink when I’m working, not checking my email when I’m with my family. Of course, I slip up ALL the time, which is why I try to separate the two in my mind as much as possible and child care is an essential part of that. Trying to simultaneously work and mom is just too messy for me.

Speaking of that, how ARE you handling childcare?

We’ve had several different arrangements – since my husband has been in school and our situation seems to change every year. I wrote all about the details here, but we used to both work and take care of our son part-time, then he went to preschool while I worked.

Now we have an infant son, my husband has a full-time internship to finish his doctorate, and I still need/want to work part-time, so I’m trying to solve our latest childcare puzzle. It will likely involve two full (6 hour) days of preschool for my older son while the baby is watched by a sitter for 4 hours each day, then one more day where both kids are watched by the sitter for 4 hours. This will give me 12 solid child care hours, plus fitting it in wherever I can in addition.

You are very open about how you have to live off a limited budget. What are your best money saving ideas?

We kind of have to be frugal since my husband was in school for almost all of our seven years of marriage, which he wasn’t getting into debt for – woohoo! – but also meant he wasn’t making a decent income. Plus, we always knew we preferred flexibility and freedom to having tons of money.

I think to live frugally or off of a low-income, you have to look at where your money is going, first and foremost. I swear by Mint.com for keeping me on track for my budgeting goals.

Second, I think that peer pressure is often more expensive than anything else. If all of your friends want to go out to crazy expensive dinners or bars multiple times a week, or your office goes out to lunch daily, or other people’s kids seem to be enrolled in 5 different enrichment classes, you might feel like you have to do these things instead of making your own conscious decisions about where your money is spent. Being aware of that is an important step to taking control of your spending.

Another way to reset your mindset about spending is to practice a “Buy Nothing” month – I’ve heard of “No Buy November,” but you can do it any month you choose. (Read about the ‘rules’ and such here.)

One thing I’m learning as we try to live frugally is that living simply and naturally (i.e. green) is the way to go, and I know you share that conviction. What has the process looked like for you as you’ve “greenified” your life?

Yes! Being environmentally conscious is often easier on your pocketbook, as well! From eating cheaper protein sources (like beans and tofu) to using cloth diapers, it seems like the “green” thing to do is often the frugal thing to do. Choosing reusable instead of disposable goods, cooking from scratch, buying second-hand, and making our own cleaners are a few of the ways we meet both those objectives. We pretty much look at our waste and think about how we can reduce it – both the tangible, like making yogurt to reduce plastic container waste, and intangible, like buy local produce to reduce the amount of gas used to ship it to us.

What has been your biggest struggle, doubt, or resistance so far being a working mom?

Child care, for sure. I don’t really get “mom guilt” except when I’m trying to both work and be with my kids at the same time – then I have guilt as a worker and as a mom because I’m not doing anything well by trying to do both at once! And luckily I have a super supportive spouse.

In your experience, what is the best part of being a working mom?

Having an outlet to be something other than a mom – getting to feel good about what I can do and contribute outside of my little family. (When I had an office job – it was getting to be social, having time to finish my coffee, and go to the bathroom in peace!)

Do you have any tips or tricks to pass along that help you lead a more joyful, fulfilling life?

Do what you love and you will have a more joyful life. Dance to your favorite music, cook your favorite foods, and spend time with people who make you happy.

Now a few questions for fun…

How do you like your coffee? Or are you a tea drinker?

With cream and a teaspoon of sugar. Real stuff, none of that fake sugar or fake cream!

What was the last good book you read?

I’m listening to the Landline audiobook and it’s really good.

What’s on your nightstand?

A pacifier, infant gas drops, a lamp, and disposable nursing pads. Is it obvious I have a newborn? :)

Favorite social media site?

Twitter! It’s fun and I love the people there. But it’s also a huge time suck so I have to be careful.

Can you recommend one blog you read?

My favorite blog is Small Notebook, but she hasn’t posted in ages. It’s so full of great practical posts. I love Rachel.

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Thank you for your thoughtful answers, Ashley! Connect with her on her blog, Twitter, or Instagram.

See all the posts in this series here.

September 22, 2014