kapachino

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  • How To Start Your Wife’s Day Off Right

    This morning when I woke up (yes, at 4:30 a.m. as usual) I immediately headed for the bathroom per my routine, and the first thing I saw on the counter was a note for me from my husband on top of Mariah Carey’s first CD. David had just shared with me the other day that this was one of the first three CD’s he bought as a teenager, a fact that I proceeded to tease him about. (The other two were Metallica and Boyz II Men…ha.) The note talked about how he wanted to share it with me since I never really listened to Mariah Carey, and some other really great mushy stuff that I just LOVED, but will be keeping to myself. :)

    Then when I went to wake him up to say goodbye, per my routine, instead of turning over and telling me he loves me or reaching out to give me a hug, he looked me straight in the eyes as if he was totally awake and said:

    “If you put me back to sleep right now there’s a really good chance that I’ll be able to pop popcorn in my mouth.”

    Of course, I burst into subdued laughter. Sleep talk is hilarious. I asked him, “Do you know why you just said that, love?”

    “Yes. Because I turn into a fried chicken. On the outside.”

    Someone must have gone to sleep without dinner.

  • Whew

    Alright. So. Sorry about being gone for a week and then coming back with a really depressing post. But some things I just have to write about. If you’re wondering, my patient died yesterday and it was sad. I was glad that I was able to be there for the family, but it was a very surreal experience for me. I’ll just leave it at that.

    On to happier things! The painters finally finished with our house last week so we are back home. It’s amazing what a difference my own bed makes. When I walked in the first thing I noticed was that it wasn’t painted exactly how I had asked it to be. But once I put furniture in the room and lived with it a few days I realized that I like it this way. So that’s good. The painters charged us $400 more than they said they would, and they painted a drawer in the kitchen shut, but let’s not focus on the negative.

    I am really looking forward to showing you the pictures, because there are still some parts we need to paint ourselves and I need advice on what color. However, there is still the issue of my computer. The good thing is that I think I recovered all my data, and it only cost $100 for software and an IT savvy brother-in-law, who is now attempting to fix my busted hard drive. It’s going to take some time for me to sort through those files and make sense of them, but I’ll be working on it.

    I had the day off today and got a whole lot done around the house. I learned how to install a doorknob, and in the process I also learned that standard doorknobs don’t fit in our doors. I’m not quite sure what the solution to that problem is yet, but I know that our old knobs have got to go. I also went for a swim, and although swimming is definitely getting easier for me I still have a looong way to go to be able to make it triathlon distance without killing myself.

    I think that pretty much catches you up on the past week. It’s my bedtime, but the Dancing With the Stars finale is on and I DO have my priorites. I’m postponing sleep so I can (hopefully) watch Shawn Johnson take home the mirrorball trophy!

    XOXO,
    Kathleen

  • I Don’t Think It Gets Easier

    Well I’ve gone and gotten myself all emotionally attached to a dying patient and her family again.  Her name is Pam and she’s 49 years old. She has metastatic breast cancer, but when she was admitted to the hospital just a couple of weeks ago she was alert and walking around. Within a few days she had lost the use of her legs, and after another week she was bedbound. She was in denial until a few days ago, hoping for a miracle. We tried to get her transferred to hospice, but she kept making excuses not to go. Finally her doctor had a serious talk with her, and the rest of that day she was in tears. The last thing she said to me coherently, in between sobs, was how happy she was to have had me as her nurse.

    A day later and she stopped talking and focusing. She developed the death rattle in her throat which is so much more disturbing to the family than to the patient. Pam’s husband and mother have been constantly at her side. Since I’ve been her nurse for so long and am always in and out of the room, her mother called me “one of the family.” I’ve been thinking about her all weekend. It keeps me up at night.

    Today I spent a good amount of time talking to Pam’s mother. As we talked, she brushed Pam’s hair. I commented on how pretty it is: a deep, rich red color. Her mother said to me, as she began to cry, “I always wanted a little girl. Even when I was pregnant I knew I was having a girl, and I knew she would have red hair.” I couldn’t help myself; I started to cry too.

    We walked out of the room and she looked me in the eye and said, “How long do you think she has? Honestly.” I told her, honestly, that it could be at any time. We talked about how the world isn’t right; mothers shouldn’t  have to watch their daughters die like this. She gave me a big hug and walked off to make some tough phone calls.

    You know that feeling you get when a beloved pet dies? Afterwards you think that you’ll never get another one because it’s not worth the sadness of losing them. Confronted with the angish that I saw today, I had to fight off that feeling. I had to keep telling myself that it’s worth it to love, it’s worth it to bring children into the world. And it absolutely is. But that doesn’t mean that I won’t continue to struggle with these emotions.

    I have to say, death really sucks. Cancer sucks. In fact, I hate it. I just want it to go away forever. Thank God it will.

  • give me a break

    Ugh, so I have lots of posts swarming around in my head to share with you, but since my computer isn’t working (I’m using my husband’s which I’m not used to and doesn’t have my pictures on it), we’re STILL not at home and probably won’t be for a couple more days (and even then we have to get the house in order; it’s a complete wreck now), and I’m trying to keep up with work, triathlon training, and church stuff, I’m just going to go ahead and give myself the rest of the week off from the blog. Hopefully by next week things will be more orderly around here and I can get back to normal posts instead of whining ones. Of course, I might change my mind. Either way, stay tuned. I’m sure you’re on the edge of your seat already.

  • It Doesn’t Work If You Don’t Use It

    Today, the painters sanded everything. And that’s it. So what should have taken at the most 3 days and been finished by Friday is now going on the 6th day. Oh well. My in-laws’ house is very homey. My parents’ house is homey too, but their guest room has two single beds, and David and I have grown accustomed to sleeping near each other at night. :)

    Also, last night my computer decided to stop working. And now I am inwardly freaking out because I bought an external hard drive, but I have yet to use it.  (Sorry Scott, don’t be disappointed in me!) And just as soon as I finish typing this I am going to troubleshoot my computer and pray very hard that I haven’t lost all my pictures and the project that I’ve been working on and have to present to get promoted at work.

    And then I’m going to have some fudge cake and maybe a little ice cream, and all will be right with the world.