kapachino

Blog

  • Driving

    As I was driving home tonight, I remembered a conversation I had with my dad when I was learning to drive. I think it went something like this:

    Me: So the right lane is for the people going below the speed limit, the middle lane is for people going at the speed limit, and the left lane is for people going above the speed limit?

    Dad: pause...Yeah, that’s one way to look at it.

    That was the way my structured, naive little brain worked. I never would have imagined that the right lane is for people going a little above the speed limit, the middle lane is for people going a little more over the speed limit, and the left lane is for people going a lot over the speed limit. With the occasional crazy slow driver thrown in there.

    Speaking of driving, there are exactly two things that I remember specifically learning in driver’s ed. First, that when coming to a stop you should leave enough room in front of you so that you can see the rear wheels of the car in front of you or so that you can see the stop sign. I rarely do this. Second, that the distance at which you should put on your turn signal before turning is approximately equal to the length of two houses. I do this and think of it almost every single day.

    There is only one thing that I remember learning in defensive driving, which is that it is considered littering even if you just toss an apple core or a banana peel out the window. But it’s bio-degradable, right? Doesn’t matter. Don’t mess with Texas!

  • The Villian

    Darth Vader: The Tragic Man Behind The Mask

    Yesterday I heard this segment on the radio, and an enormous yearning to have a Star Wars marathon came over me. I wish I had time for stuff like that.

  • a good day

    I went to church yesterday, and then went over to David’s parents’ house for lunch as usual. David grilled hamburgers and hot dogs for us. I had a hamburger with cheese and some baked beans. I love baked beans. After some nice conversation at lunch I settled onto the couch, pulled a blanket over me, and started to read while David went to pick up his dry cleaning. After a few pages I began to doze so I put the book down and closed my eyes.

    When David came home a little while later we got our things together and drove over to his house. Once there we just relaxed a bit more before we tried to be productive. Then David began doing schoolwork and I did some wedding research. After awhile we gave it up and just sat together, talked about silly things, and I laughed until I had tears coming down. I looked at him and said, “I’m so happy.”

    When we got hungry again I cooked us breakfast for dinner – eggs, bacon, and English muffins. I tried to make hash browns and it didn’t work out, but that didn’t matter. We ate and then I had a bit of ice cream, because I found out that Sundays aren’t part of Lent. And I think it just might be worth it to give up sweets for two weeks just because Ben and Jerry’s Chocolate Fudge Brownie has never tasted so good.

    After dinner David and I said a loving goodbye and I drove home. Then I spent the next couple of hours chatting with my roommates who are also two of my bridesmaids. When I got into bed, not too late, and Cleo curled up next to me, I knew it had been a good day.

  • office drama

    This was the big drama that unfolded in the office last week. So classic. These are actual, real-life e-mails that I will reproduce for you here, although the names have been changed to protect the innocent.

    ~~~

    From: Jennifer K.
    To: All
    Subject: SMELL IN LADIES RESTROOM ON FIFTH FLOOR.

    For the past week, I have noticed a STRONG odor in our ladies room – it reminds me of Lysol disinfectant. It is so strong, that it makes me nauseous while in the restroom. I called the office downstairs (that takes care of our building), and they said that they do not use Lysol, and nothing new or different has been used to clean our restroom.

    My big question is: is anyone using their own personal Lysol – or something similar – to spray our restroom?? If you are, then PLEASE don’t spray anymore of “it” in our restroom. I am not the only one who detests this new smell. Several other ladies have voiced a complaint about the new, Lysol-like smell.

    Jennifer

    ~~~

    From: Lauren A.
    To: All
    Subject: Lysol?

    Who took the Lysol out of the bathroom?

    Lauren

    ~~~

    From: Lisa S.
    To: Lauren A.
    Subject: RE: Lysol?

    Jennifer has it but don’t tell her I told you. She sent an email yesterday about the odor and how its bad for Mandy and the baby. Just FYI.

    Lisa

    ~~~

    From: Lauren A.
    To: Lisa S.
    Subject: RE: Lysol?

    The Lysol was not in there yesterday. I bought it from Walgreens this morning and placed it in there. I would really appreciate her returning it to me or the bathroom.

    P.S. Thanks for letting me know.

    Lauren A.

    ~~~

    From: Lisa S.
    To: Lauren A.
    Subject: RE: Lysol?

    I know it wasn’t in there yesterday. She sent the email asking that no one Please don’t spray it anymore due to the smell. She is trying to put this off on Mandy and Mandy feels bad about it. Please take this up with Caroline [office manager], cause I don’t want to get accused of starting something. I just wanted to let you know where it was. ok….

    Lisa S.

    ~~~

    From: Jennifer K.
    To: Lauren A.
    Subject: RE: Lysol?

    I have confiscated the Lysol from our Ladies Room. The fumes from cleaners like this are toxic to breathe, and I have been worried about Mandy who is pregnant breathing these fumes, which could harm her unborn child. This is no laughing matter! The strong fumes have been making me and several other ladies nauseous, including Mandy. Whoever owns this large can of Lysol is welcome to come get it from my office, and I will ask PLEASE to limit the use of this toxic-smelling chemical, and PLEASE don’t use it in our Ladies Room in the future.

    Jennifer

    ~~~

    From: Lauren A.
    To: Jennifer K.
    Subject: RE: Lysol?

    We have gone through 3 pregnancies over the past 1/5 years, not including Mandy, and it’s never been a problem. The unsanitary part of it is when someone takes a poop and you have to smell the bad odor, or they leave feces & blood residue on the toilet seats. I think getting a bacteria infection from unsanitary conditions is far more fatal than using a sanitizer. Not only that, but the flu has been spreading around the office as well.I appreciate where you are coming from, but what you have been smelling over the past couple of days was the perfume that was left on the counter, which has been thrown out.

    The Lysol was purchased by me this morning. I, as well as many other in the office, am not interested in smelling stinky poop or dealing with unsanitary conditions and will continue to use a sanitizer when needed, unless Caroline states otherwise.

    No hard feelings, but I think it was wrong for you to simply remove the Lysol when so many others rely on using it.

    Lauren A.

    ~~~

    The end result of the scandal is yet to be seen…

  • IM

    David and I are watching a video online together when I receive an instant message from a friend, which makes a noise.

    David: What’s going on here?

    Me: My friend Lauren just IMed me.

    David (frowning): I don’t even know what that is.

    Me: Instant message? You’ve never heard of it?

    David: Oh. I have, I’ve just never seen it happen.

    He’s only a few years older than I am, but he’s from a different generation…