kapachino

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  • quick takes

    one

    The first month postpartum is just the worst for clothes. You still have a pooch, your boobs are suddenly huge, you have to wear something you can easily nurse in, you don’t want to wear something that makes you look pregnant, if you had a C-section most pants hurt your incision, and none of your old clothes fit yet. Thank goodness I rarely have to go out of the house. I’ve settled mostly on maxi skirts and loose button-down shirts for now, but here’s the outfit I wore today which includes neither of those things.

    postpartum outfit

    two

    Liam is doing great. He’s still calm and quiet and fairly undemanding. Even when he’s hungry he just grunts and squirms a little. I’m so glad he’s so low maintenance so far because his sister sure commands attention. Anyway he passed his second newborn screen, is gaining weight, and seems to be healthy all around. He has a cephalohematoma which is a pool of blood underneath his scalp on one side; I just call it his bump:

    liam's bump

    It will reabsorb, but it may take several months. His cord stump fell off a few days ago and of course I cried. Which leads me to my next point…

    three

    I’m still so emotional. At some point every day this week I have cried or come close to crying. I’ve already started trying to convince David to have another baby which is just crazy talk at this point. I’ve been looking forward to maternity leave for a long time now, but I am remembering that it’s not just a three month break from work. I mean I’ve basically been relegated to the house for two weeks which has gotten depressing but it’s probably good that these hormones aren’t being released into the wild yet. I am struggling with wanting to spend more time with Meredith and being exhausted by her when she’s around. I’m still processing the whole birth experience. I’m not yet in a groove of caring for two kids by myself, but I’m getting there.

    four

    Yesterday I went to the doctor and was released to drive!!! I think this is going to do a lot to boost my mood. Today I took Meredith to daycare and it was so fun to see her teachers again and she was so excited to show off her baby brother. Then of course I hit up Starbucks and later I’m meeting my sister-in-law (& her kids) for ice cream, so it’s looking to be a great day.

    five

    I’ve been setting mini-goals for myself each day to keep feeling productive. For example, on today’s list is: add Liam to my insurance, call about maternity leave benefits, read 30 pages, stitch one square of the sampler, write five thank-you notes, and watch one episode of Sherlock. In addition to that, every day I make sure the whole house is picked up and tidied. Next week I think I’m going to migrate from the couch to the craft room and get started on the holiday minibook.

    six

    Have a happy weekend…David has to work on Saturdays for the next couple months so I will be desperately calling family to find some help on the home front. Not ready to face an entire day with two kiddos all by myself yet!

  • work in progress : autumn sampler

    Remember when I started this autumn sampler back in September and I thought I would complete it on time in a five-week period? Haaaa. Well, that’s okay because it’ll get done in time for next autumn. I’ve been working on it almost every day so far so I’m making good progress. The frames were a bit tedious so now that they’re done I can get to the fun part.

    sampler

    sampler close

    I still haven’t been released to drive yet (hopefully tomorrow!) so I’ve been getting kind of depressed every afternoon. I think it’s a combination of running out of pain meds, hormones, and cabin fever. It’s been very restful to laze on the couch all day, but I think I need to get up and be a little more productive to boost my mood. Starting today I’m going to try to move on to some other things on my to-do list, like writing thank-you notes, starting work on my holiday minibook, and maybe doing some housework here and there. But I’m still going to try and complete a couple squares on this sampler every day as well.

    Are you working on anything crafty lately? If you’ve had a maternity leave, how did you spend it?

  • liam’s birth story : part one

    I intended to write this story all in one go, but it was such a crazy whirlwind experience (and in some ways traumatic) that I am still processing a lot of it and am quite fuzzy on some of the details. So as I work out what really happened and talk to some people about what they remember, I wanted to start writing the early parts that I am clear on while they are somewhat fresh.

    ***

    37 weeks

    The last good picture of me pregnant, at 37.5 weeks.

    It started on Thursday, January 16. I was 38 weeks pregnant exactly. I went to work like any other day, but this day I felt especially tired and achy right from the beginning. Getting through the day was a struggle, but I didn’t feel like anything was wrong; I just chalked it up to end of the week, normal pregnancy woes for someone working full-time.

    That day I had a routine doctor’s appointment. After finishing work I walked over to the clinic (it’s part of the hospital where I work). I had my vitals and urine checked and then I had to wait a long time to see the doctor so I took a nap on the examining table. When my doctor finally came in she began asking me if I was feeling okay, and if I had any vision changes or headache. She looked concerned and then told me that she thought I might be in early preeclampsia because my blood pressure was slightly elevated. Even though I didn’t have most of the symptoms, she wanted to admit me to observation for a few hours to do a workup to be safe. If everything came back normal, I could go home a little later.

    Since I was trying to VBAC I had to go into labor on my own if I wanted to be successful. If I was diagnosed positive for preeclampsia there would be no induction; it would be straight to surgery. So since I was 38 weeks which is safe for baby to deliver and I was already 3cm dilated, she stripped my membranes to help jump start labor. After that I walked over to labor & delivery and got checked into a triage room. I was fully expecting my labs to come back normal and to be released shortly.

    38 week appt

    Waiting in the doctor’s office

    While in triage, everything moved slowly since they had to register me. I had my blood pressure monitored constantly (it remained somewhat high although not critical) and my labs drawn. They started me on a 24-hour urine test so I called in sick to work for the next day. I was on the fetal monitor and baby was doing well, but I was having contractions. I couldn’t feel them really, but they were picking up. After a few hours my doctor called and said that she wasn’t comfortable sending me home because a couple of the supportive labs were high and my diastolic blood pressure was still high. She wanted to monitor my BP overnight and recheck labs in the morning. So I asked David to come up to visit with Meredith and bring me clothes, and I settled in. They came after awhile (at this time it was after 8 p.m.) and I had Meredith breastfeed because that can also induce labor. She fell asleep and David took her home. My contractions were noticeable at this point but very tolerable. I also thought they might stop, so I told David to get some rest tonight and come back in the morning. He takes nighttime medication that makes him sleepy and I told him to go ahead and take it. It was about 10:30 p.m.

    I really tried to sleep, but I soon realized that wasn’t going to happen. Contractions were getting painful. Going into this I knew that I had a higher risk of C-section and I had come to terms with that (at my hospital they do a “natural” Cesarean where you can nurse the baby right away), but I had decided that I wanted an epidural as early as possible. I wanted a pleasant birth experience and I didn’t want to feel all the pain I went through with Meredith. So as soon as the contractions got painful enough not to allow me to relax or sleep, I wanted an epidural even though I wasn’t quite 4cm dilated. I knew that it was real labor, but I guess the nurses and my doctor weren’t convinced, and they didn’t want to give it too early. I asked to try IV pain medicine at least. The pain ramped up seriously in a very short time and I found myself crying alone in my room, not knowing what to do. I wasn’t prepared for this physically or mentally; I was a ball of emotions and I couldn’t relax. I texted David around 12:15 a.m. but he couldn’t come up then because it wasn’t safe for him to drive since he had taken his medication (the hospital is about 45 minutes away from our house with no traffic). He said he would set his alarm for another hour and then be on his way. I didn’t want to be alone, so I called my mom and after I finally got ahold of her a little after 1 a.m. she and my dad were on their way shortly.

    In the meantime it took a really long time to get the pain medicine. They had to start an IV, then they were out of the medication so it had to be ordered. When it was finally delivered they found the batch to be expired, so they had to reorder it. Eventually I got it (Nubain) and took some IV Phenergan too since I was nauseated. The combination made me extremely sleepy and out of it, and it did help me relax in between contractions, but it didn’t touch the pain at all. It just kept getting worse. They finally agreed that I was seriously in labor, and decided to move me to a real L&D room. Around 2:15 a.m. David texted me that he was on his way. My responses to him were a gibberish of autocorrect because I was so out of it with pain and drowsiness.

    Continue with part two here.

  • maternity leave to-do list

    I love making goals. I’ve done them yearly, monthly, with other time limits (like the 101 in 1001), and with no time limits. All kinds inspire and work for me, but I also know when to cut back because I don’t like setting unrealistic expectations. This year I am considering seasonal goals starting in the spring, but first I have maternity leave! There is a lot of recovering and adjusting going on so far, but I know I won’t be in pain for too much longer and with Meredith going to daycare most days I should have more time than I am used to. Here is what I want to accomplish before heading back to work:

    coffee table

    The current state of our coffee table, where I am camped out for maximum relaxing.

    >send out birth announcements

    >send thank-you notes

    >blog the birth story

    >catch up on project life

    >complete my holiday minibook

    >watch some TV: on my list of shows are Downton Abbey (I’ve only seen season 1), Game of Thrones, 30 Rock (I’m in season 5), and Sherlock.

    >redo the nursery to make it more gender neutral

    >stay up to date on Liam’s baby book

    >complete his birth cross stitch

    >see a dermatologist

    I really do think I can complete all of these, but we’ll see. So far I’ve been pretty good at the TV-watching goal. :)

  • transitioning

    family of four

    We are a family of four now. We’re home and settling in and everything is a bit surreal.

    David…is home this week with me until Friday, which will be my first day alone. I know he is struggling internally with a lot of anxiety about having two kids, but he is also incredibly proud and excited. When we first got home it was so cute to see him immediately call the dogs over to show off the baby. He’s also been trying to convince any of his friends (including my brother!) who are trying to decide whether or not to have kids that it is worth it. In addition, he and Meredith have already become way closer. During her inevitable breakdowns, he is able to hold her while she cries and talk to her and soothe her so that she is happy again. She also asks for him a lot more frequently now. It’s so special to see their relationship develop.

    Meredith…is doing pretty well, all things considered. While we were in the hospital she switched off between both sets of grandparents and behaved wonderfully. Whenever she came to visit us she was also nearly perfect. She loves her baby brother and asks to hold him frequently. She will put her face really close to his and say, “hi!” and then turn to me, smiling, and say, “I say hi!” Then she’ll give him kisses and tell me, “I kiss him!” It’s all so exciting to her. Most of the time she wants him around and will ask for him to read books with her and such. We are all sleeping in the same bed right now, and although a little crowded it’s fine. She’s also still nursing and it hasn’t been a problem since I just make sure to nurse Liam first. So all in all I know she’ll be a good big sister and things will be okay.

    But…there have been challenges with her. In the mornings she is a ball of energy. In the past I’ve taken her to school on my way to work, which is early enough that she was still sleepy. But now we don’t get her there until 8 0r 9 so she is kind of hyper and ends up throwing tantrums about what to wear, what to bring, not wanting to leave, etc. And since I’m still having quite a bit of incisional pain (repeat C-section…ugh) and David is not a morning person, it’s pretty rough. Then when she comes home in the afternoons she is incredibly needy and fussy and cries a LOT. I know this is where her jealousy and interruption to routine is being let out. So far we have been able to get her to calm down, but it takes a ton of effort and patience. There are times that I feel like I’ve ruined our family, but then when I see her being sweet with baby brother I know that soon she won’t be able to remember life without him and they will both be better people because they have each other.

    siblings

    Liam…is awesome. So far he has a very calm and quiet temperament. He sleeps a lot and isn’t demanding. I am more and more excited about the novelty of him being a boy. I love the little boy clothes and I’m excited about keeping his hair short, and just all the boy things that are different. At night he sleeps pretty well in bed with me, although there is a 2-3 hour period a little after midnight that he likes to be awake which is not a big deal right now. I had to put some effort into teaching him how to latch correctly for breastfeeding, and he is still not super into it, but hopefully he is getting enough to eat. While in the hospital he had some jaundice and had to be under the phototherapy lights for a day and a night (horrible experience!) so we went to the pediatrician to follow up already today. He is only two ounces away from his birth weight and was looking good. We are waiting to hear back about his bilirubin results but once that’s taken care of we are in the clear.

    As for me…I am overall pretty happy. I have the normal postpartum emotions and I do go from feeling extremely excited and content to overwhelmed and sad and regretful fairly quickly at times. Medically I’m still dealing with some elevated blood pressure (I was starting to have some preeclampsia before I went into labor) and if it doesn’t go down soon I’ll probably have to be treated for it. My incision seems to be healing normally and the pain is under control. I’ve been able to be up and around the house pretty well, got myself cleaned up and thoroughly groomed, even did a few chores, but I’m trying to take it easy. I have a lot that I want to accomplish on maternity leave (I’ll share exactly what in another post) but right now I’m sticking to lazing on the couch, watching TV, reading, and stitching. Loving it.

    Thank you…to everyone who has commented, emailed, texted, or otherwise contacted me. It has been so fun to celebrate with our friends and family near and far. I am sure that you will probably see many more cries for help or advice in the future, most likely on Twitter, and I appreciate anyone who chimes in. Special thanks to all of our friends and family who have visited and helped out at home (especially the grandparents!) and to our church friends who are bringing us meals. I don’t know how we would make it through this transition on our own!