Starting today, for the month of December, I’ll be participating in Reverb10, which is, according to their website, an annual event and online initiative to reflect on your year and manifest what’s next. One reason I’m doing this is because I’ve neglected to write lately, partially due to the fact that I’ve been studying for a huge test for the past month, and I think this’ll be a perfect kick start.
But let’s be honest, it’s also because 2010 has been a hell of a year. I need to process it somehow.
Encapsulate the year 2010 in one word. Explain why you’re choosing that word.
Suffering. I wish it weren’t the case, but this has been a year characterized by grief, pain, and distress. We have both suffered physically – me with a miscarriage and David with debilitating bone pain that ended in two major surgeries, which in turn caused financial suffering. And we have suffered emotionally and psychologically – we endured our second year of infertility and faced role changes in our marriage, and we have both dealt with significant anxiety and depression. Me more than at any other time in my life.
I know my dad hates it when I write negative things (sorry Dad), and I know it’s because he loves me and wants me to be happy. But I’m just writing this because it’s true. Everyone goes through seasons of suffering in their lives, and we just happened to have a lot of it this year. Thankfully, I can write this with hope because it seems like things are finally falling into place for us.
Now, imagine it’s one year from today. What would you like the word to be that captures 2011 for you?
Happiness. I don’t care if it’s trite; I’m ready for some pure joy. I’ve had The Happiness Project sitting on my shelf for months, and I plan to read through it next year month by month. I’m just settling into a job that I love and hardly ever stresses me out. I have a good feeling that next year will be the year that we start our own family. I’m ready to be connected to God again, and to relearn that all our suffering was for a reason.
So, Dad, I hope this post doesn’t upset you. Because I’m already happy again, and this is just the beginning.