One Word: Suffering

December 1, 2010

Starting today, for the month of December, I’ll be participating in Reverb10, which is, according to their website, an annual event and online initiative to reflect on your year and manifest what’s next. One reason I’m doing this is because I’ve neglected to write lately, partially due to the fact that I’ve been studying for a huge test for the past month, and I think this’ll be a perfect kick start.

But let’s be honest, it’s also because 2010 has been a hell of a year. I need to process it somehow.

Encapsulate the year 2010 in one word. Explain why you’re choosing that word.

Suffering. I wish it weren’t the case, but this has been a year characterized by grief, pain, and distress. We have both suffered physically – me with a miscarriage and David with debilitating bone pain that ended in two major surgeries, which in turn caused financial suffering. And we have suffered emotionally and psychologically – we endured our second year of infertility and faced role changes in our marriage, and we have both dealt with significant anxiety and depression. Me more than at any other time in my life.

I know my dad hates it when I write negative things (sorry Dad), and I know it’s because he loves me and wants me to be happy. But I’m just writing this because it’s true. Everyone goes through seasons of suffering in their lives, and we just happened to have a lot of it this year. Thankfully, I can write this with hope because it seems like things are finally falling into place for us.

Now, imagine it’s one year from today. What would you like the word to be that captures 2011 for you?

Happiness. I don’t care if it’s trite; I’m ready for some pure joy. I’ve had The Happiness Project sitting on my shelf for months, and I plan to read through it next year month by month. I’m just settling into a job that I love and hardly ever stresses me out. I have a good feeling that next year will be the year that we start our own family. I’m ready to be connected to God again, and to relearn that all our suffering was for a reason.

So, Dad, I hope this post doesn’t upset you. Because I’m already happy again, and this is just the beginning.

Posted in: personal, me

Comments on One Word: Suffering

  1. 1

    From Christine:

    Sorry for your hard year. And there’s nothing trite about Happiness!
    Thanks for sharing this.

  2. 2

    From Square-Peg Karen:

    Yea for YOU! I think the road to joy – to happiness – is paved with awareness. But it’s still hard sometimes to talk about the suffering times. Much easier to try to pretend or push the pain away — VERY courageous to share as you did here.

    Looking forward to reading more as we head into 2011, it’ll be wonderful to read about what happiness looks like for you!

  3. 3

    From Marlena:

    I’m so glad things are starting to fall into place for you guys once again. I can “hear” snippets of the former you once again and it makes me happy to witness. ♥

  4. 4

    From San:

    I’m so sorry for all you were going through. Thank God 2011 is almost here!!!

  5. 5

    From Laura:

    I am praying that the word “happiness” (and joy, and excitement, and every other good adjective!) encapsulates your coming year! Can’t wait to read about it as it unfolds.

  6. 6

    From Christine:

    I’m sorry you both have been through so much suffering this year. I wish you both nothing but lots of happiness in 2011!

  7. 7

    From Uncle David:

    Love you Kat, stay strong, and i hope to be able to visit you inside the next year. Praying for you daily.

  8. 8

    From dadman:

    I think I speak for most parents when I say that all we ever want for our children is happiness. It’s not possible, of course, and the rough patches are necessary for our internal growth and when you come out the other side, stronger and wiser and more empathetic you get a glimpse of God’s wisdom and plan for your life. As you will learn the Parent who cares gets out “Mr Spoon” when the ones he love are naughty, the uncaring parent doesn’t bother.

  9. 9

    From LG:

    What – no negative feelings allowed? Weird. Even Jesus…ah nevermind. :0)

    I hope 2011 is one of your favoritest years yet!!!

  10. 10

    From Kyla Roma:

    I’m so glad that you’re seeing what the next year might bring you and that it’s already looking more welcoming and comforting than the last- you deserve a year full of wonder and excitement, and I hope it starts immediately :)

  11. 11

    From Mom:

    I think God gives us suffering to bring us closer to Him and to further prepare us for His work. He trusts great suffering either to (a) those who need it to make them aware of their need for Him–not you guys, or (b) those whom He trusts to make use of His gifts to glorify His name. He’s not looking for people who are full of themselves, but full of Him, and nothing empties you of yourself quicker than suffering. You two will make a divine difference in people’s lives and bring them closer to God as a result of what you have gone through.

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