kapachino

Author: Kathleen

  • Ashes To Ashes

    I was rushing around today at work, busy as usual. Even though I’m not giving chemo right now, there’s still plenty to do. I was in the middle of admitting a patient when my manager came to the door to get me. I read her lips, and that’s how I discovered that one of my other patients had just died.

    It was somewhat expected by this point, although the disease conquered her in just a few months. The family wanted an autopsy done, not because they didn’t know why she had died, but because she was the kind of person who would have wanted her death to mean something. They wanted as much knowledge to come out of it as possible.

    I know that I come into contact with death more than the average girl, but each time is uniquely difficult. Today I felt the stark contrast of the new life that is taking shape in my body with the bleak scene in front of me. As I gently cleaned my patient’s body and wrapped it in the shroud, my hand reached idly to touch my forehead, where the trace of ashes still remained.

    Remember that you came from dust, and to dust you will return.

  • so about that…

    Thanks everyone for all of your comments and congratulations! I was overwhelmed with happiness at all the support. I actually published that post on accident, so it’s a good thing we weren’t planning on keeping our news a secret. :)

    I don’t plan on blogging about pregnancy stuff a whole lot, so I figured I’d address some things up front for those of you who may be curious. First of all, David and I have been trying to conceive for over a year. Because of my irregularities (now explained by PCOS) I knew we would have a difficult time, but it didn’t make it any easier to experience. We’re blessed that we didn’t end up having to go through fertility treatment, but I was prepared to, and I had all of the emotions. Of course, now I have this irrational fear that I’m not actually pregnant, or that something is drastically wrong. I guess that’s normal, but I’m trying to be positive and trust God with this.

    When the doctor told me I’m pregnant, I was extremely surprised and pretty much speechless. All I could manage to say was, “Are you positive?” and to stutter out, “I don’t see how that’s possible.” As soon as I finished with my appointment I called David at work and told him, “Your day is about to get a lot better.” We called our siblings that afternoon, and visited our parents in person that night.

    I don’t feel a thing, and I’m hoping it stays that way. Right now I’m still considering doing the triathlon in May, although I guess I’ll have to see how I feel. I really want to do it. There are also a ton of other things that I’d like to get accomplished in the next 8.5 months. I’ve decided that apart from work and church, I want to continue to focus on blogging and reading, as well as exercising and getting the house fixed up. It’s kind of overwhelming.

    Speaking of work, a large part of my job involves giving chemotherapy. Even though I’m very careful and wear complete personal protective equipment, I thought about it and decided that I don’t want to take the risk. Thankfully my manager was completely understanding. It may be inconvenient, but I will just have to take care of the patients who aren’t there for chemo.

    That’s all I’ve got for now. I have a lot to learn, and a lot of decisions to make in the coming months. In the meantime, I’ll just keep praying and living life!

  • growing a human

    Last week I visited a reproductive endocrinologist to begin fertility treatment. After a long consultation, the doctor said we’d start by doing an ultrasound to see if there are any abnormalities. There were two. First of all, like she thought, I have polycystic ovary syndrome, which explained a lot. Secondly, there was this:

    Yep, I’m pregnant! It’s just a little blob, but it’s ours. I’m only five and a half weeks along, with a tentative due date of October 12. I have zero symptoms, and it doesn’t feel real – I guess it is, though. I don’t know the first thing about this except for what I remember from nursing school, which isn’t much. Women have been doing this from the beginning of time, though, right???

    If you have any questions, let me know and I’ll try to answer them for you soon!

  • Letters

    ***

    Dear Houston Weather,

    You are making my life miserable.

    With Hate,
    Me

    ***

    Dear Oliver,

    Kindly calm down and let me finish typing this post. Also, I don’t appreciate you chewing the nose off my teddy bear.

    Love,
    The Girl Who Feeds You

    ***

    Dear Everyone,

    Sorry this is such a lame post. I worked all day and now I can barely keep my eyes open. Still love me?

    Sincerely Yours,
    Kathleen

  • new things

    There have been a lot of exciting things happening around here. Finally I get to share them with you!

    First of all, if you’ll take a minute to click through, you’ll notice my new design. There are still a few odds and ends to clean up here and there, but it’s basically done. I absolutely love it, and I hope you do too. Thanks to my brother for doing all the leg work, and so much faster than I expected!

    Now on to the other stuff…

    My husband is going to a conference in New York City in April, and for my birthday my in-laws got me a plane ticket to accompany him. My parents got me the guidebook plus some cash to spend while there, and my husband pooled together with my brothers to buy us house seating to Billy Elliott on Broadway. Those tickets aren’t available to the public, and we only got them because of my brother’s theatre connections. I am SO excited.

    Meet Oliver, our new puppy. Yes, puppy. He is only about seven months old and is already a hundred pounds (& growing). He has a limp, but it doesn’t seem to slow him down much. We’ve already bid a fond farewell to two pairs of shoes, a dog bed, and cleaned up several smelly presents. Thank God for the crate. Oliver’s not yet neutered, a situation that we intend to rectify as soon as possible, so we can’t leave him around our other dogs for too long because he’s way too alpha.

    Despite the difficulties of wrangling three dogs around the house, one of them an enormous puppy, we love it. Oliver is soft, sweet, and one day he’ll make an excellent cuddler – when he learns that people’s arms aren’t chew toys.

    On Sunday after church I dragged my husband and my mom to three different dealerships all across town before we finally found one that was open. When I told the salesman I was interested in a Prius, he immediately had me test drive a new one. I admit that I was swayed by the bells and whistles it offered, but in the end it cost $11,000 more than a used car. I found this 2005 model with only 26,000 miles and we got an amazing interest rate, free warranty, AND they’re installing an mp3 connection for free – because I HAVE to be able to plug in my iPhone.

    When I was driving it home from the dealership I was so excited and preoccupied that I turned the wrong way on the Interstate and didn’t notice for about thirty minutes. I was almost to Huntsville (which is about 1.5 hours away from my home) by the time I turned around. Good thing I get great gas mileage now! Seriously though, I love this car. It makes my life a million times easier.

    I’m having a great week. How about you?