kapachino

Category: books & reading

  • what i learned from bringing up bebe

    I heard a lot about this book when it was released. It sounded interesting, and some people really raved about it, but I figured I wouldn’t like it much. Besides, I had never read a parenting book and didn’t know if I wanted to.

    Then one of my best friends (who does not have kids, but who loves all things French having studied there) read it and asked my opinion. She said it gave her a whole new perspective about stay-at-home-moms. Well, that made me want to read it enough to place a hold at the library. Because I may be a working mom, but I can tell you that if I had the chance to stay at home with Meredith, I would do it. If there is one thing I’ve learned as a parent, it’s that every family’s situation is personal and unique, and there isn’t one WAY that is right, or better (discounting abuse and neglect of course). So I wanted to read the book to be able to talk about it in an educated way.

    I read it and I liked it! Well, at least I liked the experience of reading it since it’s basically a memoir about parenting, not really a straight up advice book. I can’t say that I agreed with everything in it, and I don’t know how “French” some of the ideas were, but since it was my first parenting book I came away with a lot of ideas and things to try as Meredith grows older.

    I kept a list of these things as I read, and here is what’s on it. Some of these are broad concepts and some are specific ideas to try. I am not saying that these will work, or that this is what we are definitely going to do, but this is what struck me as interesting or sensible.

    • On weekends the kids aren’t allowed in the parents’ room until we open the door.
    • At bedtime the kids have to be quiet in their room but they can do whatever they want.
    • Figure out what your zero-tolerance areas are (for example: respect for others & physical aggression) and when those are breached say no with conviction and follow through on consequences.
    • Along with the magic words “please” and “thank you,” make kids say “hello” when they enter a house (or meet someone) and “goodbye” when they leave – this shows respect.
    • Bake something every weekend and have the kids help as soon as they are old enough.
    • At mealtime, the kids don’t have to eat everything but they must taste everything. Also, they don’t get to choose what is served and they don’t get a different meal.
    • Let kids entertain themselves.
    • Let kids “discover” things instead of pushing them to acquire skills.
    • Treat kids (and even babies) as full functional members of society. Talk to them as if they understand (because they do) and expect that they can learn to be civilized.
    • Make lunch the largest meal of the day with protein, have one snack in mid-afternoon, and have dinner be something lighter (soup, veggies, pasta, fruit).
    • Don’t over-praise so the child lives for the praise and not intrinsic enjoyment.
    • Be clear that there is a time for adults only (such as after bedtime).

    That’s my list! I’m interested in hearing your thoughts if you’ve read the book, or if you haven’t, what do you think about these ideas? Are there any other parenting books you recommend? I love the memoir style, but Meredith is no longer just a lump of a baby and actually has a will to defy me now, so I sense that I might be needing any kind of help I can get in the near-future. :)

  • Mapping My Life

    I’m someone who thrives when I have goals and a plan in place to get there. Not just for the big stuff like my family, education, and career, but for little things like hobbies too. I know that this is the only life I have, so I am constantly trying to improve it – not in an I’m-not-satisfied kind of way, but in a make-the-best-of-things way.

    When I found out about the book My Life Map by Kate and David Marshall I was intrigued. It said it was especially geared toward people on the brink of big decisions or life changes, and although I feel somewhat settled right now I wanted to see if it would have any benefit for me.

    Like the subtitle says, it’s more of a journal. It starts by explaining the concept of mapping out your whole life in one place, then guides you through your past, present, and hopes/dreams for the future through reflective prompts. Some of the questions were tough, and some were really fun and inspiring.

    The questions aren’t an end in themselves but are mainly to help you discover what you really want out of life – to see if you miss something from your past, to find themes, to see if you have a good balance in all the areas of your life, to help you figure out how to get where you want to be, etc. In addition to the whole-life map there are also subject maps such as family, work, play, and service, and 10-year maps. Depending on what kind of thinker you are you can fill out the broad picture first or start with the details.

    My whole-life map looks like this:

    I thought it was a really fun and enlightening exercise, and for me right now it solidified that I’m in a good place. For example, when I first became a nurse I seriously considered going back to grad school to become a nurse practitioner, but seeing my life laid out like this I realize that it doesn’t really fit into my plan where raising a family is the most important part of my life.

    I would definitely recommend this book for someone who is just starting out on her own, is facing a big decision, or is just feeling generally stuck or unhappy in life. I will probably revisit my life map as time goes by and if a decision comes up for us I will definitely pull this book out to go more in depth.

    ***

    I read this book as a part of BlogHer Book Club and while I was compensated for my review as well as provided a fee copy of the book, all opinions expressed are my own.

  • what i read : june to september 2012

    It hasn’t been the best of weeks around here, mainly because my beloved uncle is in the neuro ICU with a brain bleed caused by a fall and worsened by his underlying liver failure. We’d love your prayers. 

    So today let’s talk about books, because books make me happy.

    ***

    I read 21 books from June to September, which is about right as far as my pace goes, and half of those were audiobooks. Here, in a sentence or two, is what I thought of them. (I’m not going to summarize, but the links go to Goodreads.)

    The Old Man and the Sea by Ernest Hemingway: Short and touching, I appreciated it even more once I found out the main character is a Christ figure. (audiobook, 4 stars)

    The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy by Douglas Adams: Funny, silly, and kind of hard to keep track of what’s going on. (audiobook, 4 stars)

    Nicholas & Alexandra by Robert K. Massie: I superfan loved this history of the last Romanov family. (5 stars)

    The Girl Who Circumnavigated Fairyland in a Ship of Her Own Making by Catherynne Valente: Read by the author, who sounded bored with her own book, and thus I was sort of bored. (audiobook, 3 stars)

    Sabriel by Garth Nix: A seriously amazing and unique YA fantasy that was a little overly descriptive but still one of the best I’ve read. (audiobook, 4 stars)

    The Book Thief by Markus Zusak: Depressing without being depressing, sad but also hopeful. You gotta get used to the narrative style but I loved all the characters so much. (5 stars)

    The Ruins of Gorlan (Ranger’s Apprentice #1) by John Flanagan: A decent children’s fantasy, nothing too deep going on but fun. (audiobook, 3 stars)

    William Shakespeare: The World As Stage by Bill Bryson: I read Bill Bryson for his personality and wit, which was completely absent from this straightforward biography. (audiobook, 2 stars)

    In the Garden of Beasts by Erik Larsen: I learned a lot, but the focus was so narrow that it was overly detailed and dragged. (3 stars)

    Lirael by Garth Nix: The sequel to Sabriel and perhaps even better. (audiobook, 4 stars)

    The Age of Innocence by Edith Wharton: A classic that was surprisingly witty. Engaging secondary characters, tons of symbolism. (4 stars)

    The Burning Bridge (Ranger’s Apprentice #2) by John Flanagan: Started out slow, good toward the end. Not really feeling this series anymore though. (audiobook, 3 stars)

    The Brief Wondrous Life of Oscar Wao by Junot Diaz: Surprised to learn after the fact that this won the Pulitzer Prize for fiction. The whole thing revolved around getting it on, was super coarse and sexual. I did like the sweeping epic family history aspect. (3 stars)

    The Perks of Being a Wallflower by Stephen Chbosky: Really enjoyed this sweet, nostalgic, coming-of-age story, even though it dealt with about a million different heavy issues. (4 stars)

    Gone Girl by Gillian Flynn: Not my normal fare, and the characters were terrible people, but it was a page turner for reals. (5 stars)

    A World Without Heroes (Beyonders #1) by Brandon Mull: We’ve got a good old-fashioned quest going on here. (audiobook, 3 stars)

    Dinner: A Love Story by Jenny Rosenstrach: I was extremely inspired by this memoir/cookbook/self-help book about sitting down to family dinner. (4 stars)

    The Looking Glass Wars #1 by Frank Beddor: This was a random library pick that I was pleased with. A fun spin on the classic Alice In Wonderland story. (audiobook, 4 stars)

    The Secret Adversary by Agatha Christie: My first Christie, and turns out they’re perfect to listen to. Kept me guessing till the end. I want more. (audiobook, 4 stars)

  • fun.

    I had such a fun weekend. Meredith walked. On Saturday it was just three steps and I didn’t know when she’d repeat it, but on Sunday she took off and I knew it was the real deal. Seeing the exhilarated smile on her face makes me so happy; I know it’s the natural course of development but I have never felt so proud.

    We played together a lot over the weekend, which I am enjoying more and more. She is doing purposeful things with her toys now instead of just throwing them or eating them. She is interacting with me better and showing such joy. And as a follow up to my last post, we started a bedtime routine with her and for three nights in a row now she’s fallen asleep without needing to be driven.

    Other weekend things: A few weeks ago I started a weekly ritual of making pancakes from scratch. It’s easy and yummy. I read a lot, and finished The Age of Innocence. I started cataloging and organizing my books, and even though it will probably take me weeks to finish, I am loving the process of laying hands on all my books again. David and I went on a date to see The Dark Knight Rises. I hung out with a coworker-turned-friend, and recorded a day in the life for VEDA.

    There are some things hanging over my head these days, but for the most part life is good and I am choosing to see that.

  • BlogHer Book Club: What Alice Forgot by Liane Moriarty

    “Early love is exciting and exhilarating. It’s light and bubbly.Anyone can love like that. But love after three children, after a separation and a near-divorce, after you’ve hurt each other and forgiven each other, bored each other and surprised each other, after you’ve seen the worst and the best—well, that sort of a love is ineffable. It deserves its own word.”  – Liane Moriarty

    ***

    Alice thinks she’s 29 years old – she and her husband Nick are desperately in love, renovating an old house, and she is pregnant with her first baby. Her sister Elisabeth is her best friend, and life couldn’t be better. In reality, she has just had a head injury at the gym and can’t remember the last ten years of her life. She is nearly 40, has three kids, is on the brink of divorce, and her relationship with her sister has become cold and stilted. She must try to put it all together and figure out who she is and what happened.

    This book deals with a lot of heavy topics – divorce, death, the disintegration of a family, and infertility – in a way that takes them seriously but is still lighthearted enough to keep from being totally depressing. I found that I cared for the characters and I appreciated how we saw Alice’s complicated world through a fresh perspective. I liked the mystery of putting together what happened over the years and how bits and pieces emerged, and at times I was genuinely surprised.

    There were cliches and gimmicks – the whole memory loss thing itself, for example, as well as showing Elisabeth’s perspective through journaling to her therapist. But they were an effective means to an end.

    A  note about the HUGE infertility plot line: I didn’t do any research before writing this, but it seems to me that the author must have some sort of experience with infertility, firsthand or not. As someone with a personal history I appreciated it and think she handled it accurately, but I’m curious as to if that part of the story would interest anyone who hasn’t struggled to have children herself.

    It was an enjoyable, fast read, and it got me thinking – what if I couldn’t remember the last ten years of my life? What would my 20-year-old self think about who I am today? How can I ensure that I’m as happy ten years from now as I am today? Because if Alice’s situation is true to life at all (and I think it is, to an extent) it’s obvious that everyday life can muddle and complicate relationships until what’s really important gets lost.

    Read more about this book and join the discussion over at the BlogHer book club.

    ***

    Disclosure: I was compensated for this BlogHer Book Club review but all opinions expressed are my own.