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Category: faith

  • five favorite books about faith

    This morning the #shereadstruth devotion spoke about replacing toxic thoughts with God’s truth.  As I shared with you last week, over the past year I let myself drift away from actively doing this, and negative/fearful/discontented thoughts began to take over. One of the best ways I know how to dwell on a subject is to read about it, so I wanted to tell you about my five favorite books about faith. Keep in mind that I haven’t read anything in this area for awhile (I need to! Give me your recommendations!) so there’s nothing recent here. Thankfully these stand the test of time.

    books 1-2

    Mere Christianity by C.S. Lewis. It was hard to pick one C.S. Lewis book, especially since I took a class on him in college that really increased my knowledge, love, and respect. This book, though, articulates so much of what I think and feel at a deep level but hadn’t been able to express. It makes sense and speaks true to human nature. My copy is completely marked up. As a runner up I choose The Weight of Glory which is not technically a book but a sermon, but it makes me ache inside – in a good way.

    Practicing His Presence by Brother Lawrence & Frank Laubach. Brother Lawrence was a monk in the 1600’s, and he wrote about experiencing and being aware of God’s presence constantly, in the most mundane or busy times of life. Frank Laubach was a missionary in the early 1900’s who wrote about putting this into practice in his own life. This small book was given to me by a friend in college and it was transformative. Every so often I reread it and am still blown away by the simple wisdom. The ideas presented in it are still my favorite way to think about prayer and being with God.

    books 3-4-5

    The Hiding Place by Corrie Ten Boom. This is an incredible story of a family during the Holocaust. It taught me what it really means to have faith.

    Traveling Mercies by Anne Lamott. Aside from being beautifully written, I learned so much about what it means to love God – and let him love me – as a flawed person. I hadn’t ever heard of Anne Lamott or read anything like this before it was recommended to me by one of my best friends so I was kind of blown away.

    Same Kind of Different As Me by Ron Hall & Denver Moore. This amazing story about an unlikely friendship challenged what I knew about love, marriage, and ministry. At one point I was even ugly crying on a public bus and I could not even help it. Once I finished it I wanted to tell everyone I saw the entire story.

    ***

    FYI – This is the beginning of a mini-series on my favorite books & it was inspired by Hollywood Housewife. 

  • the state of my faith

    devotion time

    I was in a spiritual wasteland for over a year after Meredith was born.

    My beliefs never changed – I always loved and trusted God – but I stopped putting the effort into the relationship. As a result I experienced a lot of anxiety and frustration.

    I have mentioned before that right around the time Meredith was born the church I had attended since high school (and that David’s family had been at for 25+ years) closed down. I never mentioned the reason, but I will now:  the pastor, who we thought of as a very good friend, had systematically alienated and manipulated the members, obtained sole financial control without accountability, and then stole or took all the (tithed) money for his own personal use, quit, and moved away.

    It was hard.

    I had a new baby, I was full of anxiety, and my second family was scattered. I was lost in the bubble of new parenthood and when it was time to emerge there was no community of faith to welcome me or support me.

    I’m not blaming the sad state of my faith on anyone else but myself, but I floundered for a long time after that. I let myself get caught up in the demands of balancing work and parenthood and hobbies and I neglected God. David and I visited a whole slew of new churches and several times we thought we’d found the one where we would settle down at and commit to, only to feel something not quite right after a few months.

    In the meantime I wasn’t doing much on my own. Meredith’s birth, while in some aspects reviving my prayer life (Dear God, please keep her safe, healthy, and happy…) in other ways distracted me even more from my faith. At times I felt (and feel) that I was (am) in danger of making her (and her safety, health, and happiness) my god. I feel like if I lost her, I couldn’t survive – and that’s how I want to feel about God.

    For a long time I didn’t read the Bible. I didn’t even pray every day. In general I always try to live out the values that I believe in, and that’s good, but it’s not good enough for my soul.

    For awhile now we’ve been attending a church that is starting to feel like home. It’s a church plant that meets in a temporary place, which we originally didn’t want because of our past experience, but it feels like a family. We starting attending a small group for young families and made some immediate connections. Next month we will officially join and have Meredith baptized. This is helping.

    But my turning point came on our trip to Kansas last October. I was talking to my college friend Ellen about the struggles of daily life – even though our day to day looks much different we always seem to struggle with the same things – and she talked about finally coming to the realization that she wasn’t going to be able to fix everything and how she was learning to give things (and people) over to God and just pray.

    I saw that I was trying to do it all. But I can’t. And I needed to release that burden.

    So I forced myself to start a daily devotional time. It wasn’t easy. My alarm goes off at 4:30am now. Originally I thought there was no way I could get up any earlier than I absolutely had to, but a funny thing happened. I actually look forward to getting up that early. It is the only time during the week, ever, that I get to be alone in a quiet house. I drink coffee, and I sit in the peaceful room I call the library, and I read. I have been following #shereadstruth (I love it, but one day I may branch out). I read the daily verses and then I write down one that pops out at me and I journal my thoughts.

    It has been amazing. I am nicer to my husband now (I think). Bad days don’t affect me like they used to. I have more joy.

    I’m not saying I’m doing everything right. I just know that this is a good thing.

    ***

    Ironically today is the first day in months that I haven’t been able to do my morning devotion due to ragey toddler circumstances. God grant me serenity…

  • Book Review: Same Kind of Different as Me by Ron Hall & Denver Moore

    As I’ve been reading more and more book blogs lately, I’ve come across a style that I like best. I first saw this format used by Kim at Sophisticated Dorkiness, and have decided to use it for my book reviews from now on. I also want to say that I don’t claim to be especially good at writing reviews, and mine aren’t going to be particularly deep or literary, but since I enjoy knowing what my friends think of a book I thought you might too.

    Title: Same Kind of Different as Me
    Author: Ron Hall & Denver Moore
    Genre: Memoir
    Year: 2006
    Acquired: Borrowed from the library
    Rating:

    One Sentence Summary: The true story of a wealthy couple who become deeply involved with a homeless mission and the unlikely friendship that develops between them and one of its residents.

    One Sentence Review: A challenging, heart-wrenching story that made me think about myself & my world, my faith & marriage, and want to be a better person.

    Why I Read It: This month’s book club pick.

    Long Review: The book intertwines the story of Ron and Debbie Hall, a couple who became wealthy through the profession of art dealing, and that of Denver Moore, who grew up as a sharecropper’s son in what amounts to modern-day slavery and eventually ends up on the streets of downtown Fort Worth. As Ron and Debbie grow wealthier, they also grow apart to the point where their marriage nearly crumbles. But after an incredible act of forgiveness and revitalization, they become closer than ever and throw themselves into volunteer work at the inner city homeless mission where they meet Denver. Although he is hardened and hostile, Debbie has a vision for him and doesn’t give up until they have forged a forever friendship.

    There are so many themes running through this story: marriage, homelessness, prejudice, pain & suffering, forgiveness, and faith, and my heart was touched by each one. I think one of the main messages was how one person can make a difference when there is incredible faith. Because Debbie saw Denver through God’s eyes and looked past his scary external appearance, he was changed and so was the city.

    (Spoilers ahead!)

    I don’t think it’s possible to read this story and not be moved. Debbie’s forgiveness of Ron after his affair, her amazing dedication to her vision for the homeless population of Forth Worth, and her subsequent battle with cancer had me crying many times over. It made me ashamed of my own prejudice, and I spent a lot of time thinking about what I can do to reach out. It also made me appreciate my marriage even more and redouble my efforts not to take my husband for granted.

    In the end, it’s just the story of a few people and how their lives were changed by each other. As Ron says, “Even with my $500 European-designer bifocals, I cannot see into a person’s heart to know his spiritual condition. All I can do is tell the jagged tale of my own spiritual journey and declare that my life has been the better for having followed Christ.”

  • Resolved, 2011

    I’m not exactly sure what this year will be like, expecting a baby in July and all, so instead of making a lot of specific goals like I usually do (which is usually fairly effective for me) I’ve decided to go with two big ones that should affect every area of my life.

    First, actively seek the presence of God.

    I feel like I’ve drifted from this in the past year, spending so much time focused on myself and my struggles. I’ve forgotten what it’s like to pray constantly, to really study the Bible, and to think about spiritual things often. I’ve thought about how I can get back to this, and what I’ve come up with are a few specific things that, in my experience, cause me to feel more connected to my faith.

    • This year, every third book I read will be faith-based. It could be a memoir, a study, or even Christian fiction, but when I read about God I feel closer to Him.
    • I will try to always have some sort of Bible study going. Whether this is with a group or on my own, I need to have some dedicated time to spend learning about God.
    • I will spend more time listening to worship songs. Music gets into my soul, and it can change my thoughts and attitude.

    Second, take on my own Happiness Project.


    Several of my friends have read the book by Gretchen Rubin, and they recommended it so highly that I obtained a copy for myself last year. There is a chapter for each month with a different focus, all eventually to help you be happier with your life. Last year I spent too much time being depressed, and I want this to be the year of happy. So I intend to read a chapter of this book each month and do my best to carry out its intention.

    Then there are the other things I’d like to accomplish…

    Mainly I’d like to have a healthy baby, but that’s out of my control for the most part.

    I’d like to get back to exercising regularly, although that will mean more swimming and yoga and less running and biking.

    I’d REALLY like to get our house fixed up before having a baby, and that will be a huge focus of my time until then, but I know it might not happen completely due to time and money. Still, we’re going to try.

    I’d like to get back to blogging regularly, taking more pictures, and at least attempting to edit them.

    And then there’s my list of 101 goals in 1001 days, which I’d like to continue to make progress on.

    That’s it I think! Here’s to a happy, fulfilling 2011.

    ***

    Images: ♥ ♥ ♥

  • a new attitude (hopefully)

    Last Tuesday an ultrasound showed that I had two lovely little follicles growing, they just weren’t big enough to do anything with yet. So I went back Friday, fully expecting them to have grown, only to be told that they were gone. The nurse didn’t know why, so I’m going to see my doctor on Wednesday to see what she thinks and to make a new plan for my next cycle.

    I was crushed, but I didn’t have time to process it properly because I had to go straight to work. I worked until past 11 p.m. that night, and had to be back at 7 a.m. on Saturday. When I came home on Friday I went straight to bed hoping for at least a few hours of sleep, but instead I tossed and turned, and inevitably I started to cry. I prayed and wept and soaked in my disappointment until sometime in the early hours of the morning I fell asleep.

    Come Saturday morning I was back at work, exhausted but alive. That day I found solace in my job, taking care of people in much worse situations that I’m in. I began to see the need for a different attitude, because this infertility isn’t just going to go away and I fully realize that it could be a struggle that we deal with for years and years. I can’t bear the thought of feeling the way I feel for that long.

    When I finally had some time on Sunday I was searching around online for a Bible study geared toward infertile couples, and I came upon this blog post titled “What does the Bible teach us about infertility?” It hit me hard, and here are some quotes that stood out to me:

    Be committed to fervent prayer concerning issues with infertility. It is God, not human technology that opens the womb.

    I don’t know why, but I haven’t really been praying for this. I freely ask others to pray for me, and depend on those prayers, but when it comes down to it why don’t I have faith that God can do this for me?

    While struggling with infertility, pride and jealousy are especially bothersome sins. I am not more worthy of conceiving than a teenager, welfare mom, or a mom that already has a lot of children. In God’s economy, our worth is identical.

    I have spent way too much time lately feeling sorry for myself and being envious of other people. There are situations popping up all the time that have fostered the bitterness in my heart, and it’s not a pleasant way to live.

    Don’t complain to others (not even your husband) about your lost dreams and sorrows. I am not talking about being dishonest with others. But there is a huge difference between stating, “We are praying for a baby,” and complaining. Complaining is grumbling and insinuating that God has not been fair. It makes others uncomfortable and, more importantly, misrepresents God. God is sufficient to carry your burdens; leave them at the cross.

    It is all too easy for me to sink into depression when I feel my dream of having lots of kids slipping away. That’s where I was headed on Friday night. I believe in being transparent with others regarding my struggles, but I want to be clear that God is enough for me. He has already blessed me with so much, and I want to be a witness to the joy that hope in God gives despite difficulty. I don’t think I’ve done a good job with this lately.

    Even as I write this I am praying and willing my attitude to change because I’m still feeling very sad. When it comes down to it, though, I don’t want to be sad. My husband told me the other day when I was depressed, “Kathleen, I love you, and we are going to live a happy life together.” Right now the only thing preventing me from being happy is me. Having a baby won’t fulfill me; only God can do that. All the joy I could ever want or need is found in Him, and He needs to be my priority.

    And who knows but that He is preparing us for something special, beyond our wildest dreams.