kapachino

Category: personal

  • I’ve Got To Find A Better Way To Use My Vacation Time

    For one reason or another, my body is rebelling against me. It has a grudge, and it is taking its revenge – very effectively.

    Maybe I didn’t give myself sufficient time to recover from the miscarriage; I don’t know. Maybe it had some unknown effect on my immune system. What I do know is that I’m sick.

    Last week was a roller coaster of emotions. At first it felt good to be back at work and distracted, and there were times when I could almost convince myself that I was fine. Only I couldn’t shake the sadness that was underlying it all, and I realized I had become extremely sensitive. The smallest thing could set me off into a crying fit, and this became extremely embarrassing when it happened on Saturday at work in front of everyone. That night I kind of lost it, and I was dreading going back to work the next day.

    Well, as they say, be careful what you wish for.

    On Saturday night around 11 p.m. I woke up suddenly and all I could think was, something doesn’t feel right. It didn’t take me long to realize that my stomach was unsettled. I felt like I might need to throw up, but couldn’t. After a very uncomfortable hour (or two; I didn’t exactly keep track) whatever had upset my GI tract finally started to come out – both ways. Let me just say that I used to wonder how my patients ended up with diarrhea on the walls and in their hair. I don’t anymore.

    I spent the remainder of that night either huddled on the toilet or embracing it, all the while expelling every last ounce of fluid from my body. I didn’t sleep. I couldn’t keep anything down. When I started getting muscle cramps and my condition seemed to only be worsening, I got worried. Around 4:30 a.m. I had David drive me to the ER. For the first time, I was the patient.

    I think I was there for about six hours, during which time they did tests, gave me lots of fluid, and some precious IV Zofran. Everything came back normal, and the doctor told me I just caught a bad bug which could take a few days to resolve. Once I felt stable enough, I was discharged with a prescription for oral Zofran and went straight to my bed.

    For the rest of the day Sunday I didn’t move off my back. Even turning to the side made my stomach revolt. I got a few hours of sleep and woke up with a fever of 101.3, but two Tylenol brought it down. David forced me to drink some water and Powerade, but it wasn’t easy. We watched the Oscars from bed, and then went to sleep – me propped up on pillows because I was scared to lie down flat.

    I just want to interject here to tell you how amazing David has been to me. I know he is grieving too, but he has focused all his energy on taking care of me. He stayed with me the entire time in the hospital, getting no sleep himself. When we came home he actually cleaned the house, because he knows how much that means to me. Then that night he went on several different errands for me when I decided I needed something, and all the while taking care of our crazy dogs too. I can’t imagine going through all this without him.

    Today I feel much better, just because I haven’t felt any nausea. I’m on the BRAT diet (bananas, rice, applesauce, toast) now, although a toasted bagel, banana, and applesauce cup was enough to fill me up for the day. I’ve only gotten out of bed twice, and each time I do I feel a rushing headache. And all those crazy hormones and emotions? They’re still there.

    I’m not very happy with my body right now. I’m not very happy in general, although I suppose that’s normal. I will be again, one day. Hopefully soon.

  • Friday Things

    Today was a hard day for me, emotionally. It started last night out of nowhere, and then when I received a package this morning that I had ordered for future baby, well, you can imagine how that made me feel.

    So in order to avoid being too depressing, here is some randomness from the week.

    My dogs can be really cute and sweet. Even Oliver.

    But then he goes and eats my books. Four so far, to be exact. Taken from the bookshelf.

    Oh, and I chopped off my hair. Why? I don’t know. Something to do.

    Other things I’m thinking about:

    • I think it’s time to start exercising again. There is a super sprint triathlon on May 9 that I think I could be ready for if I start now. It’s only a 200 yard swim, 8 mile bike, and 2 mile run.
    • I would like to finish learning how to solve a Rubik’s cube at some point.
    • This is the month of doctor’s appointments. I am going to more this month than I usually do all year. Also, I am going to demand to have my wisdom teeth removed, so that should be fun.
    • There have been some moments of real joy in my work this week, and then in a matter of minutes it would turn into chaos and stress. Work has been great to distract me and keep me busy, but this week it has been tiring to the point of exhaustion. Still, my better days are the days that I’m at work.
    • I made a Formspring page, and then promptly forgot about it. Sorry if I haven’t answered your question yet, but I will soon!

    Have a great weekend, friends. :)

  • a behind-the-scenes look at kapachino through the eyes of one of her brothers

    I thought it would be fun to start a series of guest posts written by some of my favorite writers, bloggers, and real-life people. Today you hear from the older of my two younger brothers, David. When he feels like it, he blogs about design, sports, music, horror movies – or any combination thereof. He told me I wasn’t allowed to edit what he wrote, which is too bad because if I could I would totally remove the picture of me with bangs (that was a bad life decision) and not go so overboard with the compliments (how embarrassing). He is an amazing guy himself, and will always be the best friend of my childhood. Enjoy!

    ***

    If you know Kathleen at all, you’d know she’s pretty hard to live up to.

    She is one of the most beautiful, patient, intelligent women on the planet (just like her mom! Hi mom!). This, inherently, presents a problem for me: When people know my sister and then subsequently meet me, they seem to project her qualities on to me. “Nice to meet you David!” they would say. “What book are you reading?” That’s when I casually look aside, order a beer and say, “ESPN.com.”

    My sister is starting a whole series of guest blog posts and fairly recently she asked if I would like to write one. I immediately said yes, but wanted to make sure I had heard her right. After all, we’re not a whole lot alike; what would I have to say of interest?

    Before an indoor soccer game
    Before an indoor soccer game

    “I’m not in any book clubs, you know.” “Yes, I don’t mind.” “I can’t really cook anything but pasta.” “Then don’t write about that.” “I can barely take care of myself and my puppy.” “What?” “You’re a nurse. It’s what you do.” “So?” “So I was just pointing out our differences in a theoretical conversation with you, trying to impress upon your readers that we’re different and finding some common ground to write about would be tough.” “Oh, gotcha. Carry on then.”

    Anyway, if you ever start dating someone or meet a good friend’s spouse, you always want to press them on the hilarious, behind-the-scenes things they wouldn’t ever tell you. So here’s a little about me and my sister Kapachino, behind-the-scenes, with the one common ground I’m sure we all have: A love for Kathleen.

      • For some odd reason, we got stuck in the same chemistry class in high school. And because our teacher alphabetized seating, we sat next to each other at a two-person table. And let me tell you: If you ever want to compare yourself to someone, sitting next to them in a chemistry class will provide you any number of benchmarks.
      • She made an ‘A’ in the class. I made a ‘B+’. And that’s probably the best representation of us I can think of.
      • My sister always had an incredible voice (and she still does!). It allowed us to get closer than we ever probably would have been because we could play music together (and still do).
      • Re-designing this blog for her made me realize just how picky she can actually be sometimes.
      • Growing up, when it was early in the morning or if she would talk back, my Dad called her “Snippy Kins.”
    Mother's Day a few years ago
    Mother’s Day a few years ago
    • Kathleen eats cereal like a champ. Every morning before going to high school she would always, always have a bowl.
    • Speaking of going to high school, we both rode with our friend (and at the time, probably one of her best friends) Erika before we could drive ourselves. Erika dictated what music we would listen to (with good reason; she was driving us to school), and occasionally she would put on rap. I think this is where I developed my love for the genre and Kathleen began to develop her distaste for it.
    • A distaste I’m positive still exists today.
    • When we were younger, my sister and I were always on a team against my brother. We were an athletic bunch so we liked to play games all the time, but it was so unfair: my sister and I (only 14 months apart) against our baby brother Barry (effectively two years younger). It was outstanding.
    • About that same era, we used to get our brother to do stuff for us by challenging him. Let’s say we wanted a glass of water or a coke. We’d say to him: “I bet you can’t get it to us fast!” And he’d sprint off to get it and we’d “time” him. We’d always try to get him to “beat his last time.” This was also outstanding.

      David, Kathleen, and Barry
      David, Kathleen, and Barry
    • I’ll end with one of the greatest life lessons I’ve ever learned, taught to me by my sister. One day we were both up at church and I wanted to tell her something. She wasn’t around me at the time, so I scoured the church for her and eventually found her tucked away in a back room where, if you wanted to talk to her, you really had to look. She was crying, curled up on a couch. I had never seen my sister cry; she was always very strong and in control. I came in the room, sat down, and asked her what was wrong. She started to tell me, and I would interject every once in a while trying to ease her feelings. She would start talking again and then I would comment again and she’d have to start talking again and eventually she just turned to me, stared me down and said: “Shut up! I don’t always need you to fix things. Sometimes, women just have to talk. And all you have to do is listen.”
    My sister and I at her wedding
    My sister and I at her wedding

  • Currently In March

    Even though February is my birthday month, I still love March. Maybe because the number 3 is my favorite number, or because in Houston spring is usually on its way (although that’s not the case right now). Anyway, I’m glad March is here.

    Current Book(s): I’m working on several at the moment. My main fiction book that I’m reading is The Name of the Rose by Umberto Eco. It’s on the Rory Gilmore reading list, and I’ve heard good things about it. I’m only a few chapters in, and though at times it is a little over-descriptive for my taste, I have a feeling I’m really going to like these characters.

    In addition, I started reading Fearless by Max Lucado for a blogging book review, and also because I think I need it. I have all this anxiety right now that I’m not used to living with. Yesterday Oliver chewed the edges of the book, and although I do still plan to read it, I won’t be doing it in public.

    Finally, I’m listening to Middlesex by Jeffrey Eugenides. I picked it up at the library after I finished my last audiobook. It’s a Pulitzer Prize winner, and although not based on a subject I would normally be drawn to, I am keeping an open mind. Plus, the narrator on the audiobook is excellent, which is very important.

    Current Playlist: Let’s see. Other than the songs I chose to sing at church on Sunday, the only music I’ve listened to lately is Derek Webb’s “Stockholm Syndrome” and Sandra McCracken’s “In Feast Or Fallow” – both of which I got for free on NoiseTrade.com.

    Current Shame-Inducing Guilty Pleasure: Last week I lost my appetite for pretty much everything, but that did not, unfortunately, include chocolate. I have eaten a LOT of it, in all forms. Although now that I think about it, I don’t really feel guilty. I think I deserve it.

    Current Drink: It’s been nothing but water for me until today. I had coffee again, and it was bittersweet.

    Current Food: Food is just a necessity. Nothing ever really sounds good to me, although I seem to eat whatever is put in front of me.

    Current Favorite Show: When I was home all week I found HGTV extremely comforting. My favorite shows are “Property Virgins” because I love the host Sandra Rinomato, and “Get It Sold” because the tips on staging are things I can actually do in my own home with limited funds.

     

    Current Wishlist: I wish for a healthy pregnancy to happen soon. I wish for Oliver to stop chewing up our books. I wish for Over the Rhine’s “Live From Nowhere Vol. 4”. I wish that I had the energy to do the triathlon. I wish for someone to come over and paint my entire house. I wish for a cute custom return address stamp.

    Current Needs: Peace, love, hope, joy.

    Current Triumphs: I went to work, and it hasn’t been terrible.

    Current Bane(s) of my Existence: Feeling betrayed by my body. :(

    Current Celebrity Crush: Nonexistent.

    Current Indulgence: Letting everyone else take care of me. The aforementioned chocolate.

    Current Blessing(s): Ode to my husband who took an entire week off work to be with me, who bought me flowers, who offered to drive me to work, who wrestled his recliner into our bedroom so that he could spend every moment with me and I wouldn’t have to fall asleep alone, who is grieving, too. I love him.

    Current Outfit: I have been living in sweats recently, and David calls them my “depressed clothes.” They make him sad. Today I’m back in scrubs.

    Current Excitement: Hard question. I am looking forward to splurging on a pedicure with my sister-in-law. There is the trip to New York City at the beginning of April to plan. And soon after that one of my best friends moves home from Scotland, if only for a little while.

    Current Link: So boring, but basically all I’ve been doing online is checking e-mail. So here’s my Google profile. I’m on G-chat if you want to entertain me sometime.

    Happy March!

    ***

    Images via: ♣ ♣ ♣

  • Dog Days Of…Winter?

    So the whole three dogs scenario is turning out to be pretty tough. Let me preface by saying that I am crazy about dogs, but I in no way know how to train them. Not only do I not know how, but I am not interested in learning. I don’t have the time, energy, or patience. I don’t think this makes me a terrible person; I think it makes me normal.

    We were blessed that Cleo and Eddie are so well-behaved. Pretty much the only bad thing they do is chew the window sills, and Eddie has these random panic attacks that disturb our sleep from time to time, but overall they are very laid-back and sweet. We had a good life, a calm life. We had our routines.

    Oliver has changed all that. We have learned the hard way that he has to spend the night in his crate, along with any time that we’re not home to supervise him. Of course this makes us feel guilty, but it is the only solution at this point. Any time we’re home we let him out, but that means we can’t relax. He needs constant monitoring and attention. Gone are the days that I can just lounge on the couch after a 12-hour work day; Oliver is up there with me, in my face and on top of me. Gone are the days of somewhat clean floors; Oliver tracks dirt wherever he goes.

    We have had some good days. There were a few mornings that were SO good that I thought we were through the hardest part. I would let all three dogs out together and they would all do their business. I would feed them, and all three would eat. Eddie and Cleo would hop on the couch to doze, and Oliver would lie at my feet while I ate breakfast. Then I’d put him back in his crate and go to work.

    Today, I’m about to lose hope. Since the dogs have been getting along so well lately, I put them all outside to play while I cleaned the house. They were out there for a couple of hours, and when I glanced out the window they looked so cute together. I was in the middle of mopping the floors–furniture moved, water everywhere – when I heard barks that didn’t sound right.

    I ran outside to see Oliver and Cleo in a real fight. Thankfully I had already researched how to break up a dog fight without getting hurt, and was able to get them apart by pulling on their back legs. I got Oliver into the garage and promptly gave Cleo a bath with the hose. We were all muddy, and both dogs were bleeding from a few spots; nothing deep, but enough to alarm me. I cleaned the wounds with hydrogen peroxide as best as I could. I left Cleo and Eddie outside while I finished cleaning the house, then I let them in and shut them in my room with bones.

    Oliver wasn’t as dirty, but he wouldn’t let me clean his bloody ear. I let him in the house, and for a little while, with them all separated, things were calm. Then Oliver peed on one of my nice coats, which was hanging from the back of a chair, right in front of my face. Needless to say, he’s back outside.

    Many times have either David or I uttered the phrase, “We have to give him away.” But every time the other one says no. I can’t really blame him for all these problems. He’s just a huge, hormonal puppy with a bad leg who doesn’t know what to do with his energy. He’s adorable, and sweet if you give him a chance. I love him, but I don’t know what to do with him.