kapachino

Silence

Written by

Kathleen

in

I’m just going to come out and say it. For the past few weeks, as far as I can tell, I’ve been dealing with an episode of depression. This isn’t something I have a history with, but all signs point that way and it’s the most likely reason for all of the symptoms I’ve been experiencing.

Loss of appetite. Tired all the time despite sleeping 10-12 hours a night. Absolutely no energy. Headaches. Stomachaches. Crying spells. Withdrawal from friends, family, and the online community. No interest in the things that I usually enjoy.

It took me by surprise considering I’m generally such a happy, optimistic person. I can usually take whatever comes at me. It also came on gradually. I suppose it’s not so crazy that I’m feeling this way considering all we’ve been through this past year. I’m guessing everything has just been building up until my mind & body finally caved.

The fact that I’m writing this, though, is an improvement. I want to be able to say that I’ve turned a corner and I’m on my way out of this despair, but I don’t know if that’s true yet. I’m working on it, at least on all of the things that are in my control, which isn’t much.

I guess I don’t know what else to say about this. It’s strange.

Comments

17 responses to “Silence”

  1. Ashley Avatar
    Ashley

    I’m sorry you’re dealing with this. Take care of yourself.

    Reply
  2. san Avatar
    san

    Oh Kathleen, I am so sorry. But thank you for your honesty. I think more people deal with emotional problems that are willing to admit it.
    Talking about it is the first step in the right direction.
    I hope you get all the help you need with this.

    Reply
  3. Amy --- Just A Titch Avatar
    Amy — Just A Titch

    Kathleen, I’ve suffered from depression for most of my life. It can be really crippling, but I hope you’ll get the help you need and feel better soon. Admitting that you’re dealing with it is really the first step to getting better. I’m always an email or chat away if you need anything. Please take care of yourself.

    Reply
  4. Uncle David Avatar
    Uncle David

    Dearest Niece,
    It runs in our family. I am being treated for it now with Prozac. Sleep apnea didn’t help either. Always tired, withdrawn, no energy. Have to work up to social encounters. See a Doctor.
    Uncle David

    Reply
  5. Amber from Girl with the Red Hair Avatar
    Amber from Girl with the Red Hair

    Oh Kathleen, I’m sorry to hear this! I think that putting it out there is your first step to recovery though. Take care of yourself, I hope you feel better soon. XO

    Reply
  6. Elizabeth Avatar
    Elizabeth

    I’m glad you’re able to write about it now. Suffering in silence has got to be one of the most excruciating parts of it all. I’m thinking of you, and hoping for brighter days.

    Reply
  7. Tabaitha Avatar
    Tabaitha

    Writing about it is helpful. I’m praying for you.

    Reply
  8. Stephany Avatar
    Stephany

    I’m so sorry you are dealing with this! Although I’ve never been through it, I have witnessed my mom go through it when I was a teenager. I’m glad you seem to be coming out of it & hope you’re getting the help you need to conquer this. You have been through the gauntlet these past few months & I will be praying for you to feel more like yourself. <3

    Reply
  9. Rae Avatar
    Rae

    I’m so sorry for all that you’re going through right now! I think that being strong enough to recognize that something is really wrong is huge. The other main thing is to make sure that you get the help that you need. Don’t be afraid to do what it takes to get through this and get better. You are worth it and the sun will come out again. Maybe not tomorrow, but someday soon.

    Reply
  10. Allison Blass Avatar
    Allison Blass

    Might sound like a “duh” thing to say, but I recommend counseling. I went to a Christian counselor when I was in college and it was very helpful to verbally work things out with someone who was objective, and also trained in psychology. Luckily, I didn’t need medication, but some people need that and it’s important that you get exactly what you need! We want a healthy, happy Kathleen. :)

    Reply
  11. Lauren from Texas Avatar
    Lauren from Texas

    You already know I love you dearly & have been where you are now. Here for you if you need anything.

    Reply
  12. steph anne Avatar
    steph anne

    I’m so sorry you’re going through this. Hang in there and we’re all here for you if you need anything. <3

    Reply
  13. Nora Avatar
    Nora

    Oh, friend.
    I’m so sorry; however, I’m glad you found the strength to share it with us and I hope that our support and positive vibes and prayers for you will somehow help.
    Always here for you.
    Will be thinking of you.

    Reply
  14. MelissaOklahoma Avatar
    MelissaOklahoma

    Thinking of you and hoping you get back to yourself soon. :)

    Reply
  15. tillie Avatar
    tillie

    i’m sorry your not doing well…i’m here if you need anything.

    come with me to hot yoga…it’ll take your mind off of everything! :)

    Reply
  16. Christiana Avatar
    Christiana

    Depression is tough, and scary, and even when you’re out of it, you always wonder if it will be back, at least, I certainly do. I am so sorry you’re going through this, I’ll keep you in my thoughts!

    Reply
  17. Kyla Roma Avatar
    Kyla Roma

    I hope that you’re doing better now Kathleen, depression is really, really tough but I know that you’ll come out the other side beautifully. You’ve been doing through tough stuff lately, and it would be hard for anyone to deal with. If you need anything at all please let me know <3

    Reply

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