Today I want to start talking about my journey back to spiritual health. I’m not going to get into my faith background and I’m definitely not saying that I have this figured out. I am just your average Christian girl who has a deep love for Jesus but hasn’t been nurturing that relationship. I’ve let it slip to the background, and although it will always be the foundation of my life, if I’m not growing in this area I am falling away.
I want to be brutally honest for a second: my relationship with God began to suffer once I had kids, and not just because they are so much work and keep me so busy. I mean, I was so grateful for my babies and I prayed for them…sometimes. But not nearly enough. In reality, they became my gods. I began to feel that my life would be worthless without them. They are incredible gifts from God, but they are still his. And how can I raise my kids to know God when I’m not in a good relationship with him? Because I think they’ll be able to tell if I’m faking it.
One thing that I knew needed to happen was to set aside some time every single day to spend alone with God. When I was on maternity leave my women’s group at church began a Bible study so I joined, and I am happy to say that I completed that study (it took 12 weeks) even though I couldn’t continue going to the weekly meetings once I started work. It was exactly what I needed. Most importantly, I got into the habit of waking up early to make this a priority. If I don’t wake up early before the kids, it’s just not going to happen.
So when I first get up I make coffee, then I sit down on the couch with my Bible, my study book (if I’m doing one), and my journal. I read and I think and I write and I pray. In my journal I write how the day’s reading has affected me, personal assessments, prayers, or just stream of consciousness. When I have this time, it changes the course of my day.
I admit though, I haven’t been attempting to wake up early on the weekends. I want to change this, but I do want to say that even with just having my devotionals most weekdays (sometimes kids wake up extra early and foil my plans) I have felt a definite shift in my relationship with God overall. For a long time I’ve been going to church and singing the songs and listening to the sermons and not really feeling much. Now I become emotional almost every week. I crave that worship and learning time and want to feel more of God’s presence.
I don’t want my spiritual journey to stop here. I’ve been thinking of what else I need to work on and brainstorming ways to keep reminding myself of God throughout the day. Some ideas I have are: intercessory prayer, scripture memory, more worship music, accountability, service, and giving. As I work on these things I’d like to continue to share with you in the future.
Can anyone out there relate? Have you ever had to take similar steps, and what are some things that have worked for you?
From Melanie:
Yes, I totally relate! I am in the season of trying to get up before the kids to have that quiet time again.
Scripture set to music helps me keep God’s word in my head. I really like Seeds Family Worship cds.
From Nora:
The biggest thing for me was allowing myself to be open: open to God, to hearing the sermons and applying them to my life, to working towards improving myself via giving and service & admitting I don’t have it all figured out, and being open to a plan and a world that is bigger than me. It was uncomfortable at first (and sometimes still is) but since I’ve done that, there has been a shift. I’ve faltered and struggled the last few months especially with the loss of my mom, but that has brought me closer -in some ways- to my pastor and to my church, to my prayer and in a few rare cases, inner peace.
From Mindy:
A few thoughts… I think this is normal for most mamas who love the Lord–your attention is being pulled in so many directions at once, it can feel overwhelming! I believe God is gracious and patient and will get you right where you need to be with Him, again. I have felt the same way, and always struggle if I’m not in a women’s Bible study–but taking that personal time myself to be with God is huge. So I’m glad you’re feeling better in that way! One of my fave things an older mentor mom told me was that when her kids were little, she would just keep her Bible out and read scripture when she could, even if it was just a verse or two. I do this with notecards, and try to focus on chunks of verses that are speaking to my heart vs. trying to do too much (like the one year Bible, which was hard for me even without kids lol). Oh, and we LOVE Seeds Family Worship songs! The Courage one is my fave. :)
From Mindy:
Another thought that I’m finally beginning to believe as a mom is to let go of guilt (while still being proactive in my walk). There’s just too much of it in the life of a mother, and I finally refuse to let it steal my joy in the Lord. This is the day the Lord has made! Let’s rejoice and encourage our kids that the God we serve delights in us, and we in Him! :)
From Holly:
My relationship with God started to suffer when I had kids too. It was like I had all the time in the world before then, but now it’s practically impossible to have even ten minutes to myself once they’re awake. I know getting up earlier will help, it’s just so hard! I like to listen to worship music when I take the dog for a walk in the evenings … some days that’s all the “quiet time” I have!