Well, I’m feeling a bit better.

I can’t say that I’m back to my usual self yet. I still get overwhelmed by small stresses that shouldn’t faze me. I still don’t have the energy I’m used to, and I haven’t recovered all the joy I lost for things like reading, being active, and participating in this lovely online community. Honestly, right now I’m barely participating in my real life community. I still notice physical discomfort more than I should.

But I’m getting better, and I’ve been working really hard to keep going that direction.

First, I needed cut back on some responsibilities and give myself a break, so I turned over the reigns of the church youth group to David and his brother Scott. I still want to be involved with these kids, but right now I can’t be the one in charge. I also put a halt on any projects around the house, and just did what I had to do to keep things tidy-ish. (I still had to keep doing chores because at a certain point the state of the house would just add to my insanity.) A little over a week ago David said a willing goodbye to his walker, and since then he’s been helping me with errands which is such a relief.

Something else that has been stressing me out is our finances, since David was off work for an extended period of time. So we began attending Financial Peace University, and although it’s a difficult program, the hope it offers to pay off debt and build wealth is unmatched. David went back to work this week, so we will have a little breathing room in our budget again soon.

I’ve been exercising. I haven’t felt like it most of the time, but I know the power of endorphins. I play soccer every other weekend (which practically kills me) and then I’m running the Couch to 5k program on my days off, and I’m on week 5. I don’t even try to run on days I work right now. I think my fitness is improving.

David and I decided to go back to see our counselor again. It took a couple weeks to get an appointment, but our first session is today. Our marriage is wonderful – we celebrated two years on Sunday – but this has been a difficult time for both of us so we want to talk it out together. Even though David has been physically hindered for the past few months, emotionally he has been holding me up. I’m so grateful for him.

One of the biggest decisions I made was to see a nutritionist. Since I recently stopped eating meat for the most part, and for over a month I hadn’t really been feeling well, I decided I needed professional advice. I talked to her about everything from my physical symptoms to my depression to my infertility. She was wonderfully hopeful and put me on supplements for energy and to regulate my cycle. She also recommended that I try a gluten and dairy free diet. Gluten, because it has probably either caused or at least exacerbated my polycystic ovarian syndrome. Dairy, because many people are intolerant of it and they just don’t realize it. She thinks she can get me pregnant without medical intervention, so I’m willing to give it a shot. The diet, though, is hard. I’m still getting used to it.

So that’s my update. I miss this space, and I miss being in touch. I know I’m not doing very well at reaching out, but every time someone sends me an email or a message or a note in the mail, I get a little bit happier. It’s nice to know I’m not alone.