kapachino

Category: personal

  • Yesterday Was Depressing, And I’m Not Talking About the UT Game

    Yesterday was my amazing husband’s birthday, and I wanted to make it a happy one for him even though I had to work 12 hours and we aren’t “celebrating” until tonight. I woke up in a great mood, decorated a bit, left his personal gift from me out for him to find when he woke up, and headed to work. He loved the gift and had a great day at work. I was trying to keep in touch with him and be extremely positive, but around noon some things started happening that made it hard for me to do that.

    I could draw these stories out and make you cry, because I certainly did, but I don’t want to be gratuitous. So I’ll just tell you in brief. First, I spent almost three hours literally standing at the bedside of a patient with her family, giving medications to keep her comfortable as we watched her die, explaining the process to them as it happened in front of our eyes. Afterwards it was my job to spend some one-on-one time with the body removing the invasive equipment and preparing it to be picked up.

    Not thirty minutes after that was taken care of, before I really had any time to mentally process it, the code blue alarm went off. This doesn’t happen often on our unit because patients are usually made DNR by the time their disease gets extremely serious. But for the past year we have been taking care of a 24-year-old girl who was pregnant when she found out she had an inoperable tumor wrapped around her heart. Our unit kind of adopted her, and when her baby was born via C-section at 23 weeks we gave her a baby shower. She’s from New Mexico so she didn’t have any supplies here in Houston at the apartment she’d been renting. I’ve had her picture on my refrigerator for months so I’d remember to pray for her and her family.

    Yesterday when the code alarm went off it was because her heart stopped pumping and she stopped responding. Unfortunately, her mother wasn’t in the room at the time so we were forced to do all we could to bring her back. If you have never witnessed a scene such as this in real life, you are blessed. There is no thought of modesty as the clothes are ripped off in order to do CPR and defibrillation. The room is swarming with people while the patient is intubated, chest pounded, and stuck with needles. I was one of the first ones there so I ended up being the one pushing medications, applying the heart paddles, and when her IV needle pulled out I had to insert a new one as fast as possible.

    We finally got in touch with her mother after almost thirty minutes of CPR with no response at all from the patient, and her mother told us not to continue. She was gone. We quickly cleaned her, removed the tubes and wires, and closed her eyes. Then we went outside and took turns hugging her mother and crying with her. I couldn’t cry long though, because my other patients needed me, and they needed me to be happy as usual, as if nothing had happened.

    An hour later I was on my way home to watch UT lose. I wish they would have won, mostly because it meant a lot to my husband, but after the day I had it didn’t seem as important as it had that morning.

    I didn’t intend to write this much, but I guess I just needed to get it out. Nurses grieve for their patients, and this is part of me moving on. I hope I can put it away for the rest of the day and give my husband the birthday celebration that he deserves.

  • Resolved

    On top of my 101 list, which I am still working on, this year I will:

    1. Finally complete that triathlon that I’ve been contemplating for years, and hopefully early on. Right now I’m considering the Gateway to the Bay in Kemah on April 10, the TriGirl Super Sprint in Humble on May 9, and the Capital of Texas Sprint in Austin on May 31. I just joined Ontri to log my training and get workouts, but what I really need is someone to train with. Anyone? Anyone? Come on, it’ll be fun…

    2. Read 50 books, or 15,000 pages. Whichever one I achieve first. :)

    3. Redesign my blog in a way that I’m satisfied with.

    Those are my measurable goals. In addition, I will make these changes:

    1. Go back on the Weight Watchers plan in order to get back into the habit of healthy eating. I did it leading up to my wedding and I felt really great about myself during that time. I’ll also need to learn to cook more healthy things. Hopefully my husband and I can help each other out in this area.

    2. Focus more on my husband when we are at home together, and spend less time on my computer and more time on him.

    3. Start working on the house to decorate and furnish it in a way that makes me happy.

    There are other things, but they aren’t as solidified in my mind yet. But it all starts January 5, which is my first full day back from vacation. Today is my last full day of relaxation, and tomorrow is a transition day. Until then, I’ll be lazing around on the couch eating chocolate, bread, and cheese, and pretty much accomplishing nothing.

  • Currently In January

    Here we go, 2010! Treat us right, will you?

    Current Book(s): FYI, for those of you who read my posts in an RSS feed reader, I keep the top of my sidebar updated with what I’m currently reading. But if you’re too lazy to click through, right now I’m reading A Reliable Wife by Robert Goolrick for my book club. I’m also listening to Wicked on audiobook in my car.

    goolrick

    Current Playlist: I made a playlist of upbeat music for running, but it serves a double purpose of being good to listen to on long drives when I’m trying to stay awake. A sampling:

    • “We Didn’t Start The Fire” by Billy Joel
    • “Marvelous Light” by Christy Nockels
    • “Already Gone” by The Eagles
    • “Crocodile Rock” by Elton John
    • “Hologram” by Katie Herzig
    • “You Never Let Go” by Matt Redman
    • “Somebody More Like You” by Nickel Creek
    • “Wounded” by Third Eye Blind

    Current Shame-Inducing Guilty Pleasure: I honestly can’t think of one right now. Good job, self!

    Current Drink: Still falling more and more in love with coffee, sadly. I have found that if there is a chance to drink it, I won’t say no.

    Coffee Lover

    Current Food: I have spent the past five New Year’s Eves with my friends Carmen and Lauren at their parents’ house in Irving. And every year we make these chocolate bars that we named “Eve-ergreen Bars” because we only make them on New Year’s Eve, serve them up at midnight, and they have a layer of green minty icing. They are basically a sort of brownie (made from scratch), mint icing, with a chocolate glaze on top. That glaze is made solely of chocolate chips and butter. Yeah, it’s good.

    Current Favorite Show: Still, the only show I’m watching right now is The Office via Netflix. We’re taking a long time, I know. Only one disc left though!

    Current Wishlist: For our bank to support Mint.com. It looks like a fantastic program, and I fell in love with it at first viewing. Sadly, our small bank isn’t recognized yet. I’d also love a local friend to exercise with, or to find a good triathlon training club. Among other things.

    mint

    Current Needs: Some healthy yet tasty recipes, and to really stick to our budget.

    Current Triumphs: I stayed awake until midnight last night, and even managed to have a little fun in the process! Oh, and we played the game Wits & Wagers today, and I actually won both rounds. I was really surprised, because it has a lot to do with numbers, which my mind has no concept of. Each time I won because I was so far behind at the end that I threw caution to the wind and bet it all. Miraculously, I chose right and pulled ahead!

    wits-and-wagers-board-game

    Current Bane(s) of my Existence: Dog hair. It’s EVERYWHERE. I love my pups, but seriously wish they didn’t shed so much. If you have dogs and enjoy a clean house, how do you do it?

    Current Celebrity Crush: Robert Downey, Jr. This has nothing to do with what kind of person he is, but everything to do with the fact that he is adorable as Sherlock Holmes, one of my favorite all-time characters.

    OneSheet (Page 1)

    Current Indulgence: I slept until 11 a.m. this morning, and plan to go to bed at my normal time of around 10 p.m. And keep this up all weekend. Ah, sleep; how I love thee.

    Current Blessing(s): If you haven’t realized by now, I’m on vacation for five whole days. It feels amazing.

    Current Outfit: Right now I am basically living in jeans and sweaters. And these $12 moccosins from Target:

    moccosins

    Current Excitement: Making changes in my life starting January 5th, which is the day I get home from vacation. Exercise & health, finances, blogging, and the way I spend my time. I’ll get more into this tomorrow!

    Current Mood: So relaxed I don’t even have a concept of time.

    Current Link: Mainly been scouring the iTunes app store lately, trying to find the best way to spend a $15 gift card.

    Happy January!

  • Year In Review: 2009

    happy_new_year_fireworks

    Well, here it is: the last day of another year. Before I launch into my plans for 2010, I want to remember 2009. I got most of my huge life changes out of the way in 2008, and this year has been mostly one of settling in. Still, a lot more happened than I would have thought.

    January: I went to Angel Fire, NM with a couple of friends for the fifth time. We moved into our new house. My husband was recovering from his first hip surgery. I precepted a new hire at work for the first time.

    February: I turned 27. That’s enough for one month, right?

    March: I joined paperbackswap.com, which completely revolutionized my book reading. We had a giant leak in our attic pipes. David had a second hip surgery.

    April: I was informed that I was finalist for the best new nurse award. I didn’t win, but it was an honor. I started my list of 101 goals in 1001 days. I was involved in an intensive calling campaign at church. I changed my blog design to what you see now. I became an aunt for the first time when Lucas was born.

    May: I decided to train for a triathlon. We had our living room painted and had to live with David’s parents for a week. My hard drive crashed, I freaked out, and spent $100 on recovery software to retrieve some of my files. David went on a business trip to Nashville and I missed him. A lot.

    June: The locks and handles to my truck broke, ushering in a new era of annoyance. My house-sitting days came to an end when our good friends Bridget and Dave moved away. I became a charge nurse, against my will. I was a camp nurse for a week.

    July: I was floated to another unit at work for the first time. Then our unit flooded and we were at half capacity for a week. Our home air conditioner broke, but we finally got a few rooms in our house looking decent. David and I had our pastor’s kids come spend the night. I decided to delay my triathlon training.

    August: I started making an effort to improve my cooking and try new things. I finally got tapped in to the blogging community of girls my age, in my stage of life. I “graduated” from my hospital’s new nurse residency program. David and I went to Austin to spend the weekend with two of my best friends and former roommates.

    September: I got my hair cut and colored. I rode in the Tour de Pink. I started a new work schedule which gives me an additional day off.

    October: David and I celebrated our first anniversary in San Antonio, where I met a penguin. The very next weekend we visited my best friend in Wichita and attended one of my college’s homecomings. I attended SchipulCon and finally met Lauren and Chelsea.  Our dog Eddie hurt her leg.

    November: I participated in and completed NaBloPoMo. I decided I want to eventually become a nurse practitioner. I attended a lovely women’s retreat at my church. I worked on Thanksgiving, but got to come home to a delicious meal at my parents’ house.

    December: There was a lot of preparing for Christmas. I worked a lot. And of course, Christmas itself.

    It was my first full year to be married and living in my own home – that alone made it an exceptional year. I’m happy with it, and at the same time I’m ready for new beginnings. I think that’s a good way to feel. :) Happy new year, friends!

  • Christmas “Vacation”

    So Christmas happened, and I kind of feel like I missed it.

    The day itself was fantastic: Lil Smokies, banana bread, coffee, and OJ for breakfast at my parents’ house, cuddling with my husband on the couch, opening stockings and presents, four dogs playing in the discarded wrapping paper, becoming obsessed with Words With Friends and playing against my brothers all day, my in-laws coming over for a delicious meal, and seeing Sherlock Holmes.

    The problem was, it was over so fast. It’s really tough to get vacation days around the holidays when you work in a hospital, so I didn’t ask for any. I worked up until Christmas Eve, then I worked all weekend and finished up with a long shift yesterday. Apart from the long hours, it’s just been tough lately. I don’t want to get into it, but suffice it to say that my job is one where taking vacations are a necessity. I didn’t ask for Christmas off, but I’m taking five days starting Thursday and it can’t come soon enough.

    I don’t know if I’ve ever looked forward to a new year as much as I do this one. The short vacation helps, but like Stephanie said, it may be cliche but New Years’ works for me psychologically. For some reason it really feels like a fresh start. I’ll be sharing with you soon some of the changes and resolutions I plan to make. You may scoff, but I make realistic goals for the new year and I more often than not achieve them. It’s how I got myself to floss, quit texting while driving, and ride my bike more.

    Well, I’ve already spent more time than I planned on the computer this morning. I have chores and errands to catch up with, a doctor’s appointment, and a possible movie date with my brother to see Nine. All this is going to get done if I can just get out of bed…