kapachino

Author: Kathleen

  • january recap and february goals

    January was a BIG month for us. Here are some things that happened:

    • My best friend had a gender reveal party and we found out she is having a girl!
    • I attended an intensive family program at the rehab center for three days
    • Liam turned 4 and we hosted a party for family at our home
    • David, a niece and nephew of mine, my SIL, and my mom all celebrated birthdays as well
    • Started a weekly Friday night dinner rotation with my good friend and neighbor
    • David came home on Friday, January 26!

    As far as my goals, here is how I did:

    Monthly

    • Memorize the Chaplet of Divine Mercy – Done!
    • Read the Al-Anon Big Book – I read the original book, called Al-Anon Family Groups, because it’s what was available at my library. It still gave a great overview.
    • Do a house refresh – Spent about 12 hours straight working on the house one day and it felt so good.
    • No personal spending, and less than $100 on groceries – Pretty good. I forgot that I had to host Liam’s birthday party, so I ended up spending about $250 on groceries. That’s good for me though, and we still have a lot of food left.

    Weekly

    • Read a book – I read 4 books, but not exactly one per week.
    • Write David a love note – I wrote him two, and then it started to feel like overkill (coming from someone who is NOT a words of affirmation person). Ha!
    • Make plans with a friend – I did awesome at this! Not only did I set up weekly meals with my neighbor, but we also hung out with at least two other friends.

    February Goals

    This is going to be an interesting month. It’s my birthday, so I’d like to treat myself a little, but we are still recovering financially from David being off work for six weeks. I’ll have to delay some of that. I am also taking a fun girls’ trip and having a friend visit from overseas. In contrast with all that fun stuff, Lent begins in the middle of it (so a season of sacrifice and penance) and I have some important Catholic milestones to take part in. I’ve chosen the phrase “lean in” for the month – if it’s time to enjoy and indulge, do that. If it’s time to sacrifice and pray, do that.

    Monthly

    • Renew RN license – necessary to be able to work!
    • Renew driver’s license – also boring but necessary
    • Pantry challenge with Jess – aiming for less than $400. Hopefully less, but since David is home now I’m giving us some room.
    • Go on a date
    • Go to Al-Anon 
    • Birthday list – I made a list of things I want to do for myself during my birthday month; some are treats and some are just things that will improve my life.
    • Prep for Ranveig’s visit and Austin trip – this will involve cleaning, preparing the guest room, meal planning, and grocery shopping.

    Weekly

    This is the hardest type of goal for me to make and keep up with, but here is what I have.

    • Read a book
    • Go to mass
    • Track budget in Mint

    Daily

    • Bible reading
    • Chaplet/rosary
    • 7-minute workout
    • 10,000 steps
    • Kids – brush teeth

  • anticipation

    I keep wanting to write – I have so many things I want to share – but ultimately I run out of time and/or energy. I’m such a morning person, and anything mentally creative including blogging really needs to happen in the morning or else it won’t get done. However, I rarely have dedicated computer time in the morning. I’m not apologizing for not blogging (no one really cares but me, I know), but just venting a little. I do miss it. I am taking the time right now while the kids are playing outside before church to write this.

    David has been gone now for five weeks and four days. He comes home on Friday. In many ways, of course, I am eager for his return. I feel like I’ve done a pretty good job carrying on with normal life here at home: handling the holidays, many family birthdays, getting into a decent routine that is more than just survival mode, building friendships, becoming more involved at our parish, keeping up at work, handling our finances while our income is extremely reduced, etc. But this past week I have hit a wall of exhaustion, and each day I am accomplishing less and less.

    So I’m very ready for him to come home, because I miss him, and the kids miss him, and I’m looking forward to having help, and I’m ready to be a family again, and finances won’t be so tight with him back at work. However, there is definitely an element of anxiety. He is in a safe place right now, and the world offers so many temptations and stressors that I don’t know how he will handle. I do believe in him, and the process, and that God can keep him in recovery, but it is a very difficult disease to conquer.

    There will also be the adjustment of having him back in the house. I have gotten used to just dealing with myself and the kids here. And I am worried about my own mental state – I have been holding it together but I have definitely experienced rebound depression before, and I am concerned that it might happen again. So there is a lot going on internally with me right now.

    In general we have been doing well – we had a couple of ice days where school was closed, and one of them was Liam’s 4th birthday. We ventured out to IHOP and a bounce house, and we managed to make the day special. I spent an entire day one weekend cleaning and refreshing the house. It involved putting away Christmas decorations, putting out a new rug, rearranging furniture, tidying areas that are often overlooked, and regular chores. It felt good. Home is my happy place.

  • 2018 goals

     

    Just check the archives of this website and you’ll see that I’ve always been a sucker for goal-setting. However, I definitely have the tendency to measure my worth on how productive I am, which is one of the big lies I’ve had to face over the past couple of years. I would set goals to check items off a list, no matter if they really had any meaning for me or not.

    After a couple years of survival mode and burnout, I’m finally setting goals again. This time, I’ve done a LOT of introspection about what matters most to me, and these goals are all pointed in that direction. I’m also using Powersheets for the first time, which have helped a lot to guide me.

    I decided to set eight broad goals for the year, each for a different area of life. Most of them are not specific, but are aimed at celebrating progress over perfection. I will also be creating monthly and weekly goals (which will be specific) as well as daily habits I want to cultivate.

    Eight may seem like a lot, and it kind of is! So I’ve decided that the first three are my top priorities. If I ever have to decide what to focus on based on time, money, or energy limitations, anything that brings me closer to those three will win out.

    So here they are:

    1: Come into full communion with the Catholic Church with joy and incorporate it into my whole life.

    Even though this has been a big area of focus for me through the past year, I am keeping it at #1 priority because my faith is my anchor. This will be the year that I fully enter the church, which is a huge deal, so I want to embrace that.

    2: Foster serenity by intentionally resting and rediscovering what brings me joy.

    It’s taken me a long time to realize that I need a lot of sleep, alone time, and white space in my life to function optimally. I have been so quick to drop any hobbies that I enjoy in favor of productivity (and what I call “doing what I need to do to keep myself and the kids alive”), and while that may have been necessary for awhile, I want to be excited about them again. I did read a lot last year, but I want to be better about reading the things I want to read, not just reading for book clubs or what everyone else is reading. I also want to be better about abandoning books that aren’t right for me at the time. Anyway, self-care through rest and recreation is my second priority so that I can have the energy to pour into others (and also, it usually drops to the bottom of the list so I need to remind myself it is important.)

    3: Love David well.

    I want a better marriage; I want David to be sober and happy and home and involved. Unfortunately I have learned the hard way that I have no control over that. (I mean, if only he would just do what I tell him to do….) But the one thing I can control in our marriage is myself. Change yourself, and you change the relationship. I can love him well, and sometimes that looks like sending him love notes and going on dates, but other times it’s hard. It’s examining my own shortcomings that lead to codependency. It’s setting boundaries.

    4: Grow as a present, patient, and nurturing parent.

    Now we get into the rest of life. I am full-on single parenting right now, and I can see it as a burden or an opportunity. My kids are actually pretty adorable and fun most of the time and I want to enjoy their company. I never expect to be a perfect mother but I can definitely grow.

    5: Lower my cholesterol to normal, and get physically stronger through exercise.

    I thought long and hard about what I wanted my health goal to be, and I landed on this because what really matters to me is to feel energized and to be healthy in the long run. I really have no idea why my cholesterol is high, but I know I can most likely get it down with some changes in diet.

    6: Build a tribe of local friends to pour into and accept support from.

    I have spent much of the past year isolated and lonely. Now more than ever I need a community of support, and since it feels good to focus on other people rather than my own problems, I want to give back. I am not someone who needs a wide array of friends, but I do well with a select few that are very deep. I would like to take the initiative more on reaching out to friends who I click with, but for whatever reason don’t see much.

    7: Cultivate a life-giving home through the domestic church, routines, simplification, and decor.

    Our home is my happy place. I love being there and everything about it is meaningful to me. This is always a fun one for me to work on.

    8: Pay off two debts, and save at least $1000 for emergencies.

    We have been doing the debt snowball method for over a year now, and it is working. Even though we still have significant debt, with diligence it can all be paid off in three years or sooner if we focus. I’m excited to see real progress this year.

    January goals

    If you’ve read this far, way to go! I thought about breaking this into another post for January goals, but then it would probably never get done. So I’m going to keep going and hope you can handle it. ;)

    Here is where I get specific, and this is what I’ve got planned for January:

    Monthly

    • Memorize the Chaplet of Divine Mercy: a meditative prayer for healing that I love. If I have it memorized I can pray it more easily and often. (Goal 1)
    • Read the Al-Anon big book: It’s been a long time since I’ve read recovery literature in depth. Now is the perfect time. (Goal 3)
    • Do a house refresh: Put away the Christmas decorations and do some deeper cleaning. (Goal 7)
    • No personal spending, and less than $100 on groceries. (Goal 8)

    Weekly

    • Read a book (Goal 2)
    • Write David a love note (Goal 3)
    • Make plans with a friend (Goal 6)

    Daily

    • Read the Bible: I’m still in the middle of a reading plan. (Goal 1)
    • 7-minute workout: I’m aiming for 5x per week or 22x this month. (Goal 5)
    • 10,000 steps (Goal 5)
    • Kids hygiene: I need to be more diligent about making sure the kids take frequent showers and brush their teeth. This is embarrassing but real! (Goal 4)

  • around here









    I’m typing this alone in a hotel room and it is pure bliss. Even though my kids were sobbing when I left and I kind of love how close we’ve become through the past months, there comes a point when this introvert mama needs a break and I’m near giddy with excitement over being here.

    For the next two days I will be attending an intensive family program at the rehab center where David is. I decided to get a hotel because it is over an hour away and I didn’t feel like driving that during rush hour, not to mention the fact that it is going to be sleeting overnight. Okay, and the prospect of the hotel room to myself was a pretty big draw as well. I mean, if David gets to stay in what is basically a resort for a month, I can get myself a room for a couple of nights.

    So I figured I would catch you up a bit on our life since it has been awhile. David has been back in rehab for a little over two weeks. It took him nearly 14 days to detox and there were some low lows during that time. Our visit on Christmas Eve had me feeling nearly hopeless, but he turned the corner and is doing very well now. The place he’s at is like a cross between a bed & breakfast and a spa. I’m actually quite jealous, but just hoping that it gets him excited about living life sober.

    The kids have been doing quite well – Christmas was a nice distraction for them. Meredith goes back to school tomorrow and while I’m looking forward to the routine, I’m dreading the homework battles and the tantrums.

    Mostly I’ve been working and parenting and taking care of the house and cooking the meals and trying to take care of myself as well. Soon I will do a post about my 2018 goals, which I am excited about. Right now with David gone my biggest struggle is just exhaustion and the need for babysitting. I’ve had some struggles with depression again, but that has passed for now.

    RCIA has been on hiatus but we’ve been going to mass and last week I even took both of the kids. We haven’t been attending our Protestant church lately because our schedule has been overwhelming. Although we will probably go back again, I have noticed that I’m not missing it as much as I thought I would. Mass is starting to become real church for me.

    This year I’d really like to do more of the things that bring me joy, and blogging is one of those – as long as there is no pressure attached to it. I’m hoping to have a mixture of post types here, including goals, sharing things I love, my spiritual journey, and life updates with photos and ramblings (like this).

    Now I’m going to enjoy the rest of my kid-free night. :)

  • have courage, dear heart

    My word for 2018 is Courage.

    Originally, it was going to be Serenity. I was tired of being in survival mode, feeling chaotic, stressed out about my circumstances. I wanted peace. I am deep in the recovery world now, and the Serenity Prayer is one we recite often:

    God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change.

    Serenity is being in the eye of the storm. Everything may be crazy around you, but you have the ability to remain calm.

    I do want serenity. But the more I thought about it, the more I realized that my personality naturally seeks out peace and calm. That is always going to be something I am searching for. And usually, I get it by unhealthy means: avoiding conflict, stuffing emotions down, and escaping.

    God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
    the courage to change the things I can…

    It struck me one day that Courage is the active word in the second line of the prayer.

    Courage: the quality of mind or spirit to face difficulty, danger, or pain without fear. Strength in the face of pain or grief.

    I think that in order to find true serenity I am going to need courage. The things I can change are not other people, or outside circumstances. The things I can change are inside of me: my attitude and my behaviors.

    God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
    the courage to change the things I can,
    and the wisdom to know the difference.

    ***

    P.S. David is back in rehab right now, and he will most likely be there for another month. It has been a roller coaster ride, but right now I am hopeful for our future. I’m working on setting up systems of sustainability and routines in our life to manage the everyday while still taking care of myself. There are so many more things that I want to write about and share here, but as you can imagine it’s hard to find the time and the energy. However, this year I want to prioritize recreation and blogging is something I miss doing for fun, so I hope to find a way to make it happen.