You know that feeling when something so big and unexpected is going on in your life, and your whole world – what you thought it was, and your dreams and expectations for the future – is turned upside down, and nothing is the same or will be the same, yet everything is the same and you have to keep on living your life – going to work, doing school projects, singing at church (although you give up little things like trying to eat right – instead you hardly have an appetite one day, and the next you eat nothing but ice cream and greasy fried rice – and you forget about trying to keep your exercise schedule even though you know it would help you feel better) – but your heart and mind aren’t in any of it, and the thing that is distracting you is beyond your control, so you are powerless to do anything besides pray, which you do because you are desperate but part of you is skeptical that it’s actually doing anything, and you feel guilty for thinking such a thought, and the whole thing is just so hard to talk about, yet all you want to do is talk about it, but you have a strong suspicion that soon your friends are going to get tired of it, and they will stop calling to check up on you because they have normal lives and they assume you’ve adjusted to your situation, and they have nothing left to say to you anyway, and really you’re just so scared, you feel so small and isolated, and you think that life has let you down because it wasn’t supposed to be like this?
Yeah, me too.