kapachino

Category: motherhood

  • meredith at ten months

    She:

    >Was totally not in the mood for this photoshoot. It’s kind of a miracle it happened at all.

    >Wears 12-18 month clothes now, and we won’t buy anything smaller than 18 months because of her rapidly expanding thighs. If only they were as cute on me as they are on her.

    >Still waves sometimes, but she’s more into pointing these days.

    >Plays with her hair for comfort (see above picture).

    >Stands! And cruises! She got hold of a stable walking toy the other day at her grandparents’ house and walked across two rooms. Maybe she’ll be walking by her first birthday after all.

    >Is resisting going to sleep at night more and more. On the nights that we are desperate to get to bed and she’s not ready we have resorted to taking her on a drive. Works every time. At least once she’s asleep, she sleeps all night.

    >Likes her toys okay, but gets bored by them. What DOES keep her attention is a large bag of mini chips, box of sodas, any type of cord or string, the toilet, my shoes and clothes, and the dogs’ bowls. Some of these things I let her play with, some I obviously don’t, and then she gets pissed.

    >Still has no teeth, and hasn’t said any words yet. My husband claims she’s said “dada” and I still claim that she doesn’t know what she’s saying.

    I: 

    >Could not get a single picture of Meredith smiling this month. Just an indicator of how our weekend went.

    >Am still recovering from a nasty stomach virus. I also gave it to my husband and my parents, so I’m sure they’re really happy with me right now. At least Meredith is fine, but man is it hard to take care of a baby when everyone is sick.

    >Have been slacking a little on running and cooking the past couple of weeks. Sickness, our microwave breaking, and social commitments have thrown me off.

    >Am thinking about getting her hair trimmed soon. I wanted to wait until her first birthday, but it’s kind of out of control. I now know why so many little girls have bangs.

    >Still haven’t babyproofed anything, except for removing the rubber tips of doorstoppers in her nursery and our room. She goes straight for those things and they go straight in her mouth. I hardly ever fence her in and usually just let her roam free.

    >Have become super laid back about her eating. The other day she ate a strawberry that dropped to the floor at daycare and the workers were so scared and watched her like a hawk. They felt better when I told them that she’s already had it. She eats a lot of jar food but also whatever kind of table food is available. And she’s fine.

    >Started brainstorming a few challenges for myself. I miss having goals, but what I need now is lists without deadlines. I’m thinking one challenge to do with crafting and one more general to do with life experiences.

    >Still think being a mom is the best thing ever, and I completely melt when she hugs me and rests her head on my shoulder, or gives me a big slimy kiss, or laughs when I tickle her. I miss her baby-ness but I completely love watching her learn and grow.

    For reference:

    No months
    One month
    Two months
    Three months
    Four months
    Five months
    Six months
    Seven months
    Eight months
    Nine months

  • it’s mother’s day and i’m someone’s mommy.

    I was super spoiled today. It was better than my birthday, I think. My husband said that being a mom is more important than just having a birthday, but I don’t know – I have to make it another year to continue being a mommy!
    Regardless, he treated me. Meredith woke up at 5:45 a.m., like she does, but instead of getting up I just nudged him and he took her without complaining and I slept another glorious two hours. When I arose I was met with a balloon, flower, sweet card, and a pretty pair of earrings. (I was also allowed to shop for myself yesterday guilt free.) He made me coffee and breakfast and continued taking care of Meredith all morning so I could shower, get ready, and do whatever I wanted.
    Then we went to a delicious brunch buffet with my family, and my brothers bought our meal AND gave me gifts. Back at home Meredith took a 2+ hour nap so I could get stuff done and relax – that rarely happens on the weekend. We visited the great grandparents at the nursing home for awhile, then finished up this perfect day with dinner outside in the beautiful weather with David’s family.
    Sometimes it’s still hard to believe I’m a mom. It’s such a gift.

  • how infertility changed me

    It’s national infertility awareness week, and before it passes by I felt like acknowledging it because although I am a mother now, I come from a place of infertility.

    I have PCOS, and although ours is not a particularly long story, we did undergo two years of waiting, an unknown future, one horrific miscarriage, many different tests and medications, and in the middle of it all my husband had both of his hips replaced. At the end of the two years I found myself in the therapist’s office struggling with depression that I didn’t want to let out of control.

    Once you deal with infertility, in any form, you are changed.

    In some ways it scarred me. I still carry the sadness, grief, bitterness, and envy inside of me. I still tense up inside when thinking about what it will take to have a second baby. I frequently get sad thinking that Meredith might be my only child, and then immediately feel guilty because so many people would do anything just to have one. I still find myself envious of pregnant women. I still mourn for the baby I lost.

    I think, though, that infertility has made me a better person and a better mother. We ended up conceiving through an IUI, and even though I had some serious discomforts during pregnancy, my main feeling was thankfulness. My daughter is a miracle to me, and I think I do a much better job at appreciating her than I ever would have otherwise. Every time I pick her up, even if I’ve only just put her down, I smile. Every time she learns something new, or smiles, or laughs, I am thrilled. When she cries at night or gets hurt or lonely or scared, I am secretly happy because she needs me to comfort her. I am so honored to be her mother.

    Infertility has also taught me to be dependent on God, to delight in His blessings, and to wait patiently on Him. Strange as though it may sound, if I hadn’t lost my first baby Meredith herself wouldn’t be here, and I can’t imagine the world without her. She came along once David’s hips were healthy and I had a new, more stable job. It was the right time.

    The Year of Suffering, as I call it, actually helped our marriage. We saw each other at our most helpless (mentally, emotionally, and physically), we were there for each other, and we became stronger.

    But you know what? If I had read this while in the midst of everything I probably would have thought: that’s easy for you to say. I get that. But I just wanted to say that I will never forget, I will never pretend that it was easy for us, and I will always be here for anyone who is going through it now.

    This isn’t an infertility blog, but I did write about some of my experiences. You can read about them here.

  • meredith at nine months

    She:

    >Went from zero to crawling in about three days, and now she’s all over the place. I’m fast figuring out what needs to be babyproofed: she will go directly for cords and electrical outlets, but so far hasn’t shown any interest in opening cabinets.

    >Enjoys pulling things out, like books off the shelves, chip bags out of the pantry, and toys out of a basket. It keeps her occupied for a good while until she’s surrounded by a mound of stuff and gets stuck.

    >Loves to be outside, and it will almost always calm her down or distract her. But we have to watch her closely because she has already had a choking incident involving a piece of grass.

    >Immediately starts making noise if you bounce her up and down. Other favorite games include being turned upside down or held up in the air, pattycake, and playing “Where’s Mermaid?”

    >Always has a big smile for me when I open the door to get her out of her car seat.

    >Waves at herself in the mirror almost every morning, and is waving to people much more now, although it isn’t always consistent. She also gives me hugs, and I think she might even know what the word means. We’re working on it.

    >Drinks three 4 oz bottles of breast milk at daycare, plus two meals of baby food – cereal and fruit for breakfast, and vegetable for lunch. Then she nurses once when she gets home, once before bed, usually once during the night and again in the early morning. On the weekends it’s more relaxed – more nursing, more random foods that we are eating. As you can see, she is well fed.

    >Has such long and shaggy hair on top that it looks like she’s wearing a toupee. But I still have to leave it down for daycare otherwise she’ll pull the tie out and try to eat it.

    >Wears almost all twelve month clothes now.

    >Has had constant congestion for the past few weeks. I’m not sure if it’s a lingering cold or just allergies, but David and I have it too.

    >Definitely knows her name and I think she even understands when we tell her “no.”

    >Smiles easily, but doesn’t laugh often so it’s the best thing ever when she does. I never know what is going to set her off (most recently it was me sucking her fingers) and the same thing never works twice.

    I:

    >Know her first birthday is still three months away, but I can’t help stressing about her party already anyway. All I want is something simple, cute, and fun. Preferably with mermaids.

    >Have been consistently running 3 times a week with Meredith in the jogging stroller (she’s used to it now), and cooking 2-3 times a week as well.

    >Went a long time without buying her clothes because of gifts and hand-me-downs, but she’s outgrowing those and now I buy her a little something almost every time I’m out shopping.

    >Am stressed because Meredith’s pediatrician is closing her practice and cancelled our 9-month well baby checkup at the last minute. I picked a random new doctor at a large local practice and we’re going in on Monday, but I’m worried that I won’t like her or that we won’t get the personal service that we’re used to.

    >Adore all of Meredith’s sounds: her machine-like noises when she’s nursing, all her little snuffles and grunts when she wakes up in the morning, her loud breathing when she’s concentrating, and of course her babbles and laughs.

    >Have been struggling with how much time Meredith spends in daycare. We know there are some benefits and we’re trying to focus on those, but it’s not what we really want. For now we’re trying hard to pay off some debts so working part-time will be an option for me one day.

    >Noticed recently that Meredith is developing calluses on her knees and it makes me so sad! Her perfect soft baby skin is toughening up. There’s a metaphor in here somewhere.

    For reference:

    No months
    One month
    Two months
    Three months
    Four months
    Five months
    Six months
    Seven months
    Eight months

  • Happy Friday

    Today is Good Friday, and I am very happy! Here are some things:

    1. I’m off work. Always a good time!

    2. Only two more days until I can drink coffee/eat chocolate as I please again.

    3. Yesterday David voluntarily suggested that we should think of something special to do as a family today since we’re all home. Even though I’m drawing a blank on what that should be, it’s still really sweet.

    4. He also wrote me a two page love note that I got to read when I woke up.

    5. Then there’s this:

    6. She crawls now! Witness:

    7. I had to restrain myself just now from posting at least two more videos.

    8. I’m currently sitting in the rocking chair in the nursery watching Meredith pull out all her toys and stuffed animals all over the place, and learning exactly what needs to be baby proofed in this room.

    9. Also just finished week 2 of Ease into 5k. I feel great, and Meredith is getting more used to the jogging stroller.

    10. It’s about time for lunch. My stomach says so.

    11. Which makes me remember that I’m responsible for dessert for Easter dinner. I’m thinking one chocolate thing (duh) and one not. Hmmm.

    12.  David has some extended family in town for the weekend so we are booked up with gatherings. They all involve food, so this is good.

    13. Easter is coming! Meredith is going to find all of the eggs with chocolate inside.