My fellow Americans,

I would like to take this opportunity to announce some of my thoughts on the Academy Awards. These thoughts are not necessarily related specifically to the awards except for the fact that they are thoughts that I had while watching said awards. Please indulge me.

1. Although I was vehemently opposed to Dreamgirls or any of its participating members winning anything simply because I thought that the movie was painfully overrated (and by that I mean that the movie was PAINFUL and OVERRATED), I must say that Jennifer Hudson was pretty adorable last night, and now I can’t help but like her.

2. I noticed something quite disconcerting.

Exhibit A: Greg Kinnear, actor in Little Miss Sunshine:

Exhibit B: Ted Bundy, serial killer from the 1970’s:

The resemblance is a little too close for comfort.

3. My roommate Carmen really entertains me. She has been out of town for a couple of days, but last night we reunited and sat down to watch the last couple of hours of the Oscars together. The following are some of the things that she said that made me laugh, shake my head in disbelief, and/or wish to prolong the day that she moves to Austin for as long as possible.

–We were watching Jerry Seinfeld do his presentation of best documentary, and he made a joke about how in movie theaters they run advertisements asking you to pick up after yourself. What he said was something like, “Why don’t I just put on an orange jumpsuit and get out my wooden stick with a needle on the end?” Carmen laughs out loud, but with her next breath she abruptly states, “I don’t like that joke, though.”

–At some random point during the evening, as I am staring intently at the TV screen, Carmen offhandedly says, “I’ve never stuck gum up my nose before.” I disinterestedly glance over at her and there she is with a big wad of it sticking out of her right nostril. As she later stated, if there was a montage made of our relationship, that moment would be in it.

–During the segment near the end of the Oscars where they run the tribute to those who have died in the past year, Carmen gives me this speech: “So as I was driving home today I was thinking about my funeral. I was thinking about how David D. [a man from our church who recently died] wanted everyone to eat a BBQ meal after his funeral, and I thought it would be cool to do something like that. So I thought that everyone should go play laser tag, and then I realized that it would make sense because everyone would already be wearing black.”

4. I am glad that The Departed won Best Picture simply for the fact that it is the only one of the nominees that I have seen. This makes my quest to view all of the movies that have won Best Picture easier.

To recap: Dreamgirls was bad, but Jennifer Hudson is OK; Greg Kinnear scares me; my roommate is weird but I love her; and I am lazy.