Let me tell you one thing that’s really on my mind these days.

My husband David and I were finally able to have an IUI in early November. It was two years coming, a rough two years during which we experienced miscarriage, depression, major surgeries, and financial difficulty, but they were also two of the best years of my life because I spent them with David.

Everyone who deals with infertility has a different experience. I feel extremely blessed that I am able to get pregnant at all, but our journey hasn’t been easy. Although we haven’t had to undergo countless procedures, we have been forced to wait what seems like a long time because of one obstacle or another.

Two weeks after the procedure we couldn’t stand it any longer and took a home pregnancy test. It was positive. Then we took another one. Positive. I think I was kind of in shock. David was ecstatic, and he kept asking me, “Why aren’t you happy?” Of course I was, and am, happy, but the first thing I felt was scared. My miscarriage was the hardest thing I’ve ever gone through, and it’s still fresh on my mind. I really, really, don’t want that to happen again. For the first couple of weeks I noticed that I mostly tried not to think about it at all, because I didn’t want to get my hopes up.

At the same time, I don’t want to live in fear. And I don’t think it will help the situation at all to be constantly worried. So my intention has been to remain positive, and to think about this pregnancy as being successful. It’s hard some days, but now? At nine weeks, after two successful ultrasounds showing one strong heartbeat?

I’m excited.