kapachino

Category: conversations

  • Pinning

    The pinning ceremony is a nursing tradition. Nurses wear pins (usually on their name badge at work) to identify what school they graduated from. These pins were presented to us at the ceremony last night and we were able to choose someone to pin us. I chose David, as my husband-to-be.

    But before all of that happened, my parents, David, and I all arrived waaaay early because we didn’t know how the traffic would be. So we decided to get some picture-taking out of the way:

    And for some reason I find this very amusing: my mom trying to take a picture of David and me without realizing that the camera was set to record. Obviously I don’t have much patience for this, but David just laughs.

    Soon enough my brothers arrived. At this point we were also sharing the table with another family, a family much quieter than ours. As we were waiting for our food, we had the following conversation.

    ***

    Dad: So Uncle David is getting another Ridgeback. They got a good deal on it because it doesn’t have the show-quality ridge. They’re naming it Rigby.

    Brother David: Like Eleanor Rigby?

    Me: Who is Eleanor Rigby?

    Dad (shocked): Kat! David Cook just sang it on American Idol!

    Me: So she’s a singer?

    Dad (even more shocked): Kat! It’s a song by The Beatles!

    Brothers (in unison): AHHHH LOOK AT ALL THE LONELY PEOPLE

    Me: I have never heard of it. [This is true. I listened to it later.]

    Dad: I can’t believe this.

    Me: Listen, I am not a Beatles fan. I don’t dislike them, I will listen to them, but there are so many other things that I would rather hear.

    ***

    My future mother-in-law will be devastated when she reads this, but there it is. My confession.

    Continuing with the evening, we waited quite a long time for our food. In fact, David and I were finished with the whole pinning ordeal before we even took a bite. Ah, what the heck, here’s a little video of me being pinned.

    So by the time we got to eat we were all ravenous. We promptly cleaned our plates, and my brother Barry asked for seconds, which I don’t think was part of the deal. After he got his request, though, we discovered that we could all just go help ourselves to seconds, even though no one else was doing so. One woman that we were sitting with offered Barry her roll, but he politely declined. A minute or two later, this happened.

    ***

    Dad (to stranger woman): My wife would like your roll.

    Mom: Chris! (She hides her face in her hands.) I am SO embarrassed. You were not supposed to say that!

    Dad: What? You wanted it!

    Stranger woman: I did offer.

    ***

    I like how my family is the noisy one that eats all the food along with other people’s. I think we have more fun.

    So now I am pinned. Tonight, I graduate!

  • Driving

    As I was driving home tonight, I remembered a conversation I had with my dad when I was learning to drive. I think it went something like this:

    Me: So the right lane is for the people going below the speed limit, the middle lane is for people going at the speed limit, and the left lane is for people going above the speed limit?

    Dad: pause...Yeah, that’s one way to look at it.

    That was the way my structured, naive little brain worked. I never would have imagined that the right lane is for people going a little above the speed limit, the middle lane is for people going a little more over the speed limit, and the left lane is for people going a lot over the speed limit. With the occasional crazy slow driver thrown in there.

    Speaking of driving, there are exactly two things that I remember specifically learning in driver’s ed. First, that when coming to a stop you should leave enough room in front of you so that you can see the rear wheels of the car in front of you or so that you can see the stop sign. I rarely do this. Second, that the distance at which you should put on your turn signal before turning is approximately equal to the length of two houses. I do this and think of it almost every single day.

    There is only one thing that I remember learning in defensive driving, which is that it is considered littering even if you just toss an apple core or a banana peel out the window. But it’s bio-degradable, right? Doesn’t matter. Don’t mess with Texas!

  • office drama

    This was the big drama that unfolded in the office last week. So classic. These are actual, real-life e-mails that I will reproduce for you here, although the names have been changed to protect the innocent.

    ~~~

    From: Jennifer K.
    To: All
    Subject: SMELL IN LADIES RESTROOM ON FIFTH FLOOR.

    For the past week, I have noticed a STRONG odor in our ladies room – it reminds me of Lysol disinfectant. It is so strong, that it makes me nauseous while in the restroom. I called the office downstairs (that takes care of our building), and they said that they do not use Lysol, and nothing new or different has been used to clean our restroom.

    My big question is: is anyone using their own personal Lysol – or something similar – to spray our restroom?? If you are, then PLEASE don’t spray anymore of “it” in our restroom. I am not the only one who detests this new smell. Several other ladies have voiced a complaint about the new, Lysol-like smell.

    Jennifer

    ~~~

    From: Lauren A.
    To: All
    Subject: Lysol?

    Who took the Lysol out of the bathroom?

    Lauren

    ~~~

    From: Lisa S.
    To: Lauren A.
    Subject: RE: Lysol?

    Jennifer has it but don’t tell her I told you. She sent an email yesterday about the odor and how its bad for Mandy and the baby. Just FYI.

    Lisa

    ~~~

    From: Lauren A.
    To: Lisa S.
    Subject: RE: Lysol?

    The Lysol was not in there yesterday. I bought it from Walgreens this morning and placed it in there. I would really appreciate her returning it to me or the bathroom.

    P.S. Thanks for letting me know.

    Lauren A.

    ~~~

    From: Lisa S.
    To: Lauren A.
    Subject: RE: Lysol?

    I know it wasn’t in there yesterday. She sent the email asking that no one Please don’t spray it anymore due to the smell. She is trying to put this off on Mandy and Mandy feels bad about it. Please take this up with Caroline [office manager], cause I don’t want to get accused of starting something. I just wanted to let you know where it was. ok….

    Lisa S.

    ~~~

    From: Jennifer K.
    To: Lauren A.
    Subject: RE: Lysol?

    I have confiscated the Lysol from our Ladies Room. The fumes from cleaners like this are toxic to breathe, and I have been worried about Mandy who is pregnant breathing these fumes, which could harm her unborn child. This is no laughing matter! The strong fumes have been making me and several other ladies nauseous, including Mandy. Whoever owns this large can of Lysol is welcome to come get it from my office, and I will ask PLEASE to limit the use of this toxic-smelling chemical, and PLEASE don’t use it in our Ladies Room in the future.

    Jennifer

    ~~~

    From: Lauren A.
    To: Jennifer K.
    Subject: RE: Lysol?

    We have gone through 3 pregnancies over the past 1/5 years, not including Mandy, and it’s never been a problem. The unsanitary part of it is when someone takes a poop and you have to smell the bad odor, or they leave feces & blood residue on the toilet seats. I think getting a bacteria infection from unsanitary conditions is far more fatal than using a sanitizer. Not only that, but the flu has been spreading around the office as well.I appreciate where you are coming from, but what you have been smelling over the past couple of days was the perfume that was left on the counter, which has been thrown out.

    The Lysol was purchased by me this morning. I, as well as many other in the office, am not interested in smelling stinky poop or dealing with unsanitary conditions and will continue to use a sanitizer when needed, unless Caroline states otherwise.

    No hard feelings, but I think it was wrong for you to simply remove the Lysol when so many others rely on using it.

    Lauren A.

    ~~~

    The end result of the scandal is yet to be seen…

  • IM

    David and I are watching a video online together when I receive an instant message from a friend, which makes a noise.

    David: What’s going on here?

    Me: My friend Lauren just IMed me.

    David (frowning): I don’t even know what that is.

    Me: Instant message? You’ve never heard of it?

    David: Oh. I have, I’ve just never seen it happen.

    He’s only a few years older than I am, but he’s from a different generation…

  • Terminology

    After a rousing discussion on Shaquille O’Neal’s monthly expenses:

    Dad: I mean, how on earth does he spend $100,000 on vacations every month, when he’s on the road for half that time and the team pays all his bills?

    Mom: Well he’s paying for all his cronies who follow him around.

    Dad: No honey, it’s called a “posse.” Cronies are Italians. “Posse” is for the blacks.

    Mom: But “posse” is for cowboys.

    Dad: Not anymore.