What do you do when one of your oldest, closest friends starts acting in a way that doesn’t fit her at all, disrespects your friendship by being deliberately deceitful to you about it, and shows no remorse for anything? My first instinct is to avoid this person and have as little to do with her as possible. I know that’s not very loving, and I need to be there for her. But I really don’t know how to reach out right now.
troubled
January 20, 2008
From Ann:
Currently D lives in La Mirada, but in may he is moving to Laurel Canyon, where his brother lives. Laurel Canyon is right by West Hollywood.
From Ann:
Also, I’ve had a few situations like this one. My advice is to talk to her about it and approach it in a loving way: “I’m concerned about you because… and I don’t want _____ this to affect our friendship.” It’s hard to do this type of confrontation, but if you are honest about it in this way and she responds in a negative way, at least you did what you could. If she is still deceitful, let her know you’re there for her if she needs it, but the ball is in her court. I hope it goes well!
From Katy:
Oh, dear. I’m sorry you’re dealing with that. A girl in my small group is always talking about how several of her friends live in a lifestyle she disagrees with and how she had to confront someone about it because the girls are Christians, etc.
I like Ann’s advice for this sort of thing.
I get the feeling your friend knows she isn’t behaving in a way that is becoming of her and probably knows whatever XYZ thing she’s doing is wrong. That’s when I say talking about it is important because she probably does know what she’s doing is wrong and needs someone to hold her accountable.
And at least if you talk to her about it, explain that you’re concerned because you care about her and want the best for her, you will have gotten the issue out in the open and off your shoulders. What she does with your insight is her own choice, but if you are close friends, you certainly should expect her to hear you out. Just my two cents.