Dear Bubba the Truck,
Our relationship started out rocky, me being forced to learn to drive your standard transmission at a young age. Since that time, I have been a devoted master to you for nine years. But now you are slowly driving me insane. Do me a favor and dig deep down in your vehicular soul and find the strength to restore your power steering. Because if I’m not worth that to you, it just might be time to say goodbye.
With a heavy heart,
She of the Seventeen-Point Turn
***
Dear Wedding Photographer,
I adore you and your photos, I truly do. But it’s been 15 months since our wedding, and still not even a word about when I can expect my album to be ready. All I want is an ETA, is that too much to ask? I’ve tried emailing you, Facebooking you, and even DM-ing you. Please give me the courtesy of a response, because if not, I will be forced to – gasp – CALL you, and we don’t want to resort to desperate measures, do we?
Sincerely,
A Slightly Frustrated Client
***
Dear Eddie and Cleo,
Can you please learn to sweep up and vacuum your own dog hair? Or better yet, STOP SHEDDING. And Cleo, you only thought you could get away with chewing that windowsill while I was in the next room.
Love,
Mama
P.S. You make me so happy I can hardly contain myself sometimes.
***
Dear Major Non-Profit Hospital For Which I Work,
I seem to remember in one of my orientation classes hearing the phrase, “We will never run out of money.” If that’s the case, how about increasing our staffing budget? Pretty please? Six patients is a little much for one person during the day shift, especially when there are no nurse’s aides.
Yours truly,
A Devoted Employee
***
Dear Ovaries,
What’s your deal? Seriously.
Fondly,
The Rest Of The Body
***
I like writing letters, real or fake, so I’m making this my new weekly feature. More randomness to come!
From DeMo:
I love this feature! It reminds me of Tuesday Stickies that I did a couple of times.
From kapachino:
Oh yeah! I loved those stickies posts! Maybe I subconsciously got the idea from you. :)
From Scott:
Agreed, this is really great. Looking forward to seeing more. Now I just need to figure out how I can steal this idea….
From kapachino:
Thanks, Scott! A compliment from you means a lot to me!
From Chelsea:
Fun letters!
You’ve only been married 15 months? I thought it was longer. Interesting! You make me feel like an old fart! :)
The ovaries will kick in when they are good and ready. Just keep talking to them and encouraging them! :) “Go ovaries!!! You can do it!” (And we’ll be praying for them as well!… that might actaully help more than yelling at them!)
From kapachino:
But I’m the old one compared to you and Lauren, even if y’all have been married longer! Basically I was born an old lady anyway.
From Chelsea:
I was born an old lady too. You’re not ACTUALLY old!
From Tabaitha:
These are great, I especially like the Bubba the Truck letter. I lost power steering in my first car that was 13 years old and had 350,000 miles on it (i put 150,000 on them in 7 years) and I thought my arms were going to die. How do you drive on I-10 without it? You are a brave soul! Praying for your ovaries too!
From Cio:
Um. This is WAY fun. : D
From Stephany:
This was so cute! I loved it. I’ve thought about doing it a few times, but I don’t know if I could be as funny as you. ;) Can’t wait to see more!
From Sara:
How cute, I think I will definitely enjoy this new weekly feature. It’s such a nice way to let things out and also be silly!
I would call that photographer, fifteen months is way too long. It’s only fair especially if you’re paying them. Regardless whether the album is ready or not, he/she should at least make the effort to take one minute out if their time to reply to your email. It’s not fair for you to wait and wonder.
From Kyla Roma:
WHAT?? Call your photog, that’s completely unacceptable. I’ve never heard of that taking more than 3 months and now that it’s the down time for weddings, I would try to catch them before they get busy in the spring summer. Pick up the phone, totally.
Some people! Good lord… I would be fuming. You are very patient!
From Julienne:
I was vacuuming the dog hair yesterday, looked at the dog and started to ponder something…..Turns out he’s totally okay wih being vacuumed. He even rolled over so I could get his stomach!
From Jill:
This is clever! I like it and might very well steal it myself.
From Erin:
Ohhh, I love writing letters on my blog! So fun.
Also, tell your ovaries to get with the program. Tell them I said so.
From MsHarmony:
I really loved this post. I can’t believe you haven’t received your wedding photos and you have been married for 15 months. I hope you get that issue figured out.
From MelissaOK:
Cute post! 15 months for your wedding album and not even a word on when they’ll be ready is a bit ridiculous! I’d call if I were you…
6 patients is WAY to many, especially without an aid! Yikes!!!
And I’m so impressed that you’ve driven the same vehicle for 9 years! That’s great!!!