Dear Bubba the Truck,
Our relationship started out rocky, me being forced to learn to drive your standard transmission at a young age. Since that time, I have been a devoted master to you for nine years. But now you are slowly driving me insane. Do me a favor and dig deep down in your vehicular soul and find the strength to restore your power steering. Because if I’m not worth that to you, it just might be time to say goodbye.
With a heavy heart,
She of the Seventeen-Point Turn
Dear Wedding Photographer,
I adore you and your photos, I truly do. But it’s been 15 months since our wedding, and still not even a word about when I can expect my album to be ready. All I want is an ETA, is that too much to ask? I’ve tried emailing you, Facebooking you, and even DM-ing you. Please give me the courtesy of a response, because if not, I will be forced to – gasp – CALL you, and we don’t want to resort to desperate measures, do we?
A Slightly Frustrated Client
Dear Eddie and Cleo,
Can you please learn to sweep up and vacuum your own dog hair? Or better yet, STOP SHEDDING. And Cleo, you only thought you could get away with chewing that windowsill while I was in the next room.
P.S. You make me so happy I can hardly contain myself sometimes.
Dear Major Non-Profit Hospital For Which I Work,
I seem to remember in one of my orientation classes hearing the phrase, “We will never run out of money.” If that’s the case, how about increasing our staffing budget? Pretty please? Six patients is a little much for one person during the day shift, especially when there are no nurse’s aides.
A Devoted Employee
What’s your deal? Seriously.
The Rest Of The Body
I like writing letters, real or fake, so I’m making this my new weekly feature. More randomness to come!