The only good thing about getting so sick for a couple of days is that it completely took my mind off anything else that was wrong. For a little while, I wasn’t sad or emotional – every part of me was focused on feeling better. And now that I do, physically (although I’m still barely eating), I can start to feel my crazy hormones take over again. The sadness creeps in subtly and slowly, and today I began to feel its fuzzy tentacles wrapping around my heart. I decided that I didn’t want to just accept that, so I took action.
First, I made an appointment for a pedicure this weekend. It helps me to have something to look forward to in the immediate future, no matter how small. Next I got myself out of the house and visited my sister-in-law and my nephew because sitting at home alone just makes things worse, no matter how comfortable my bed is. Finally, I stopped at a place that always makes me happy: Target.
I had a $100 gift card from my birthday and I figured today was the day to use it. A hundred dollars is very easy to spend at Target, especially when it’s not your own money. But here is what I came away with:
The placemats and napkins are for making my tiny kitchen table look pretty (here’s hoping I will get back to cooking someday soon), the tea kettle is for making coffee with my french press (whenever I can tolerate coffee again), the basket is to hold throw blankets and to match another one we have, and the sandals are for looking cute (although not in that picture – but hopefully they will with a dress and once I’ve had the aforementioned pedicure).
So far, so good. I haven’t cried once today, which I’m pretty proud of. And I’m about to eat my first real meal in three days: baked potato soup in a bread bowl from Panera. I have one more day off work to relax, and then we’ll see how I handle Thursday. I know it may take awhile, but I want to be happy again, and I’m willing to fight for it.