fighting the sadness

March 9, 2010

The only good thing about getting so sick for a couple of days is that it completely took my mind off anything else that was wrong. For a little while, I wasn’t sad or emotional – every part of me was focused on feeling better. And now that I do, physically (although I’m still barely eating), I can start to feel my crazy hormones take over again. The sadness creeps in subtly and slowly, and today I began to feel its fuzzy tentacles wrapping around my heart. I decided that I didn’t want to just accept that, so I took action.

First, I made an appointment for a pedicure this weekend. It helps me to have something to look forward to in the immediate future, no matter how small. Next I got myself out of the house and visited my sister-in-law and my nephew because sitting at home alone just makes things worse, no matter how comfortable my bed is. Finally, I stopped at a place that always makes me happy: Target.

I had a $100 gift card from my birthday and I figured today was the day to use it. A hundred dollars is very easy to spend at Target, especially when it’s not your own money. But here is what I came away with:

The placemats and napkins are for making my tiny kitchen table look pretty (here’s hoping I will get back to cooking someday soon), the tea kettle is for making coffee with my french press (whenever I can tolerate coffee again), the basket is to hold throw blankets and to match another one we have, and the sandals are for looking cute (although not in that picture – but hopefully they will with a dress and once I’ve had the aforementioned pedicure).

So far, so good. I haven’t cried once today, which I’m pretty proud of. And I’m about to eat my first real meal in three days: baked potato soup in a bread bowl from Panera. I have one more day off work to relax, and then we’ll see how I handle Thursday. I know it may take awhile, but I want to be happy again, and I’m willing to fight for it.

Posted in: personal, me, personal, thoughts

Comments on fighting the sadness

  1. 1

    From Amy --- Just A Titch:

    Kathleen, I admire you so much for knowing yourself, for taking action to come out of the sadness and for being real about the fact that you’re having a hard time. I’ve been thinking of you and praying for you daily. Keep taking such good care of yourself…and please let me know if I can help.

  2. 2

    From Stephany:

    I love the last sentence. Some days, I have to fight for happiness, too. Of course, I’m not dealing with anything near what you are. But sometimes happiness doesn’t come easily and we’re dealt trials we don’t really want to deal with. And happiness becomes a daily battle. Praying for you and that you find happiness easier to find in the coming days!

  3. 3

    From AshleyD:

    I’m so glad you’re fighting for your happiness. You definitely deserve it. :)

  4. 4

    From Vanessa:

    We are free tomorrow and I know Lucas would love to see his Aunt Kathleen. Let me know if you have some time either for visitors or if you want to get out of the house. If the weather is nice we could go to a park. With all our love.

  5. 5

    From Emily Jane:

    Your strength continues to inspire and amaze me, and you continue to be in my thoughts and prayers, love.

  6. 6

    From Cio:


  7. 7

    From steph anne:

    You definitely deserve a pedicure this weekend! I just realized that I don’t own a tea kettle.

  8. 8

    From Hannah Katy:

    This is actually ironic to read.. I have been feeling the same way, sad and emotional and not wanting to do much of anything. And yesterday I picked myself up and headed to a place that would make happy… Target as well!! And I felt good spending a little cash on myself and not worrying about it.. Funny that I should come across this post. Good for you, great buys!


    Hannah Katy

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