Au Naturel

May 14, 2010

Although I’m a naturally optimistic and positive person, every once in awhile I have days where life gets the best of me and I feel utterly lost. During those times it seems like nothing helps, no good advice makes me feel better, no plan of action gives me hope, I am falling slowly into an abyss that is void of all happiness & chocolate.

Today is one of those days.

What’s gotten me down right now is health issues and financial strains, and for some reason this leads to the conclusion that I will never be the person I want to be. Don’t ask me how I made the jump in my mind from an increase in property taxes to my utter failure as a human being, but it happened. It’s taking me all the effort in the world to get back.

I wasn’t going to post today because I knew I was probably incapable of being positive. But then I read that today is bloggers without makeup day, and I thought how fitting. I had to force myself to shower, let alone put on makeup or do my hair. So I’m writing to let you know that this is me. I struggle and I hurt and I get completely irrational and depressed.

But at least I bounce back.

Searching for that smile,


Posted in: personal, me

Comments on Au Naturel

  1. 1

    From OurLittleAshley:

    :) This made me smile.

    You have such beautiful, big eyes, my dear.

    I hope you find the peace you’re looking for. xoxo

  2. 2

    From David, The Rainmaker:

    Best advice ever: Fall down nine times, get up 10.

  3. 3

    From Elizabeth:

    Smiling is good! I’m hoping all the issues weighing you down make a hasty exit.

  4. 4

    From Emily Jane:

    Can I just say how beautiful you are au naturel?

    I hope you’re feeling better soon. <3

  5. 5

    From Emily Jane:

    And I’m working on a big print motivational project for work right now – I had “fall down seven times, get up eight” in there, but Rainmaker’s comment is better :) Let me know if you’d like me to share it when it’s finished?

  6. 6

    From kapachino:

    I’d love to see it! Thanks, Em. :)

  7. 7

    From Nora:

    two things: love your hair and you’ve got very beautiful eyes :)

    an increase in property taxes is enough to get anybody down; i dread writing that check every year.

    hope things look up for you this weekend. xoxo

  8. 8

    From Krista:

    You are very beautiful – even more so when you smile! Sending you hugs! It’s okay to feel bad some days but I hope you start feeling like your old self again soon.

  9. 9

    From Amy:

    Smile beacuse you are loved deeply.

    “Fear not, for I have redeemed you;
    I have summoned you by name; you are mine.
    2 When you pass through the waters,
    I will be with you;
    and when you pass through the rivers,
    they will not sweep over you.
    When you walk through the fire,
    you will not be burned;
    the flames will not set you ablaze.
    3 For I am the LORD, your God,”

    Isaiah 43:1-3

    Praying for you!

  10. 10

    From Tabaitha:

    You are beautiful! Hope tomorrow is a better day for you.

  11. 11

    From dadman:

    Just like your Mom, you’re both naturally gorgeous, no need for makeup.

  12. 12

    From Mom:

    It’s hard for you to look bad–it’s just not there.

    I love Amy’s Scripture. It’s a good reminder for all of us! I especially like it because it doesn’t ignore the fact that bad things happen, even all around us and “to” us, but GOD will be there every step, every overwhelming wave.

    On a lighter note, I have to say, I chuckled out loud when you wrote about making the leap from your property tax increase to utter failure as a human being: that is so me, as well! You have to learn that Satan would have you believe it, but it’s just not true!

    Love you lots!

  13. 13

    From Cio:

    your dad is right, you are a natural beauty.Truly.

    I know exactly where you are, I too am have a big financial strain (okay it’s not about a house or taxes, but a strain nonetheless), and I’m having some health issues too. It would be great to say “I’ve BEEN where you are”, truth is I’m having to fight these thoughts daily.
    “Lord speak TRUTH, over these LIES that satan is trying to get us to believe”

    I’ll be emailing you soon.
    love ya!

  14. 14

    From Ashley:

    I have the problem of connecting everything to my total failure as a human being, so you certainly aren’t alone in making that jump. I don’t say this just to add some positivity, but smiling even when I’m not feeling it at first does something to lift my mood just a little.

  15. 15

    From Uncle David:

    To my most beautiful and favorite niece. Heard a sermon today from Luke about the rich guy that was going to build new barns to store his bumper crop so he could retire – too bad he didn’t know his soul was going to be required that night and he had left God out of his business equation. Bad mistake. Point being no one got to heaven by having lots of stuff. No one said it would be all sunshine and roses and we are often tested. I’ve got big depression problems and am on some meds for it or I’d be in the fetal position most days. If it continues, think about seeing a doctor please.

  16. 16

    From kapachino:

    Since I posted this I’ve had so many reminders from all over to trust God. It’s a daily struggle, but a worthy one. I’m blessed that I don’t give in to depression or anxiety easily, so I’m already feeling a lot more positive and hopeful.

    I love you!

  17. 17

    From Jessica:

    I think you look great without makeup. Very natural. Your hair is cute too :) I wish I knew about this! I would have posted a picture too. Shoot!

  18. 18

    From steph anne:

    You’re gorgeous without make-up on….seriously!!! and I love this quote and wanted to share it with you:

    “Sometimes all you can do is not think. Not wonder. Not obsess. Not imagine. Just breathe. Breathe in, breathe out. Everything works out in the end, and the more time you spend worrying about it, the longer it takes for things to end perfectly. Just the way they should.”

  19. 19

    From Jim:


    You were one of the many wonderful people who cared for my mother while she was on your floor of the hospital during parts of April and May. One of the things that eased my mind about her being there was knowing that she was being watched by some great people, which is why I am here. Let me explain…

    I was on my way to visit her on Mother’s Day when my sister called and let me know that they had transferred her across the street to another section of the hospital. I knew she was scheduled to be transferred but I thought it would be later in that week, so I never got a chance to say goodbye and thank you all for everything you all did.

    It’s just over a week later and I’m sitting here at work thinking about that and decided to try and find you all. And where better to look than facebook? Aren’t we all on there by now? :) Anyway, the problem was I was having a problem trying to remember the last names of any of the nurses or assistants, even though I had looked at everyone’s nametag when I first met them. I have a terrible time remembering first names, let alone last names, but I finally remembered yours. Don’t ask me why but it may have had something to do with my brain wanting me to quit pulling my hair out trying to remember.

    So I do a search on facebook and it comes back with several pages of names. I start clicking on each result seeing if any are you but I wasn’t having much luck. Some of the profile pictures were too small to make out, some didn’t have any pictures at all and other profiles blocked all info from people doing searches. I must admit at this point I was feeling a bit “stalkerish” and wondering if I was that guy. But no, “I’m not” I told myself. I had the best intentions and was on a mission of good. So, after browsing through another page of results I saw a picture that looked like you.


    Your page loaded and I was about to send you all a thank you message right there when I noticed that you had some links at the bottom of your page.


    And that led me to here. Like I mentioed, I had originally intended to send a private thank you message for you and the others that you work with but I saw and read your latest post on here called “Au Naturel”. I know you wrote that a few days ago so hopefully you are feeling better and it looks like you have a lot of support from friends and family on here, which is good, but I decided I’d post my thank you message here while adding some comments about you for everyone else to see.

    First of all, please thank everyone you work with for the wonderful care they gave my mother. Bill, Jean, Alma and anyone else I’ve forgotten. (Bad with names, remember?) We can not thank everyone enough for everything they did. My mom has been on 3 different floors of your building alone, not to mention 2 other floors across the street, and the group at your station was by far the best we’ve seen. Everyone was very friendly and took the time to not only care with her but deal with the family too.

    And you were a big part of that. It’s one thing to just make your rounds but another thing entirely to talk with the family, answer questions or just give them a smile now and then. Your job may be to make the patient feel better but you also made the family feel better. Things like that are what make a great nurse and it’s why you were the favorite of my sister, wife and I.

    I know being in the line of work that you are in can be depressing at times and things in life can get you down but please, always remember this….

    You do a LOT of good.

    God Bless You.

  20. 20

    From kapachino:


    Thank you, thank you, thank you for your sweet comment! It made my day. We all loved taking care of your mother and getting to know your family. I will definitely pass your words on to everyone else! You are also welcome to send us a note in the mail via our hospital’s address, just put attn: M8NW. That way everyone will be sure to read it!

    Thank you again for taking the time to get in touch with me. Sometimes it’s things like that which keep me doing what I do.

  21. 21

    From Rae:

    You’re beautiful with or without makeup, but the smile is wonderful. I hope you soon feel like smiling all the time!

  22. 22

    From Hannah Katy:

    Let me just say.. You need no make up at all. Beautiful, great smile.


    Hannah Katy

  23. 23

    From Lauren From Texas:

    You are so gutsy for posting these pictures… although if I looked like you without makeup I’d probably be gutsy too. ;) There will not be a “Lauren with no makeup” post… unless it is from very faraway & a blinding flash is used. lol

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