Well, I knew it would come and it’s here: I’m going back to work in the morning. I will wake up at 5 a.m. and change Meredith and get dressed in my new scrubs and put on makeup and get my breakfast together and load our bags in the car and drive to the daycare and nurse Meredith and leave her with strangers and drive to the medical center and take care of patients all day. But right now, as I write this, it’s all still looming. And I’m nervous.

I’m not worried about Meredith being at daycare, and I have a great job with lovely coworkers and bosses, so it’s not that I’m dreading it. But I’m so used to being with her all the time that I know I’m really going to miss her. And honestly, there are some skills that I’m afraid I’ll be rusty at, and I don’t want to feel incompetent at my job.

There are other, smaller things that make me nervous too, of course. Hoping that Meredith will sleep well so that I have the energy to wake up that early and work all day. Making it there on time. Figuring out my pumping-at-work routine. Wondering if I’ll have sent enough milk and diapers with her. Not knowing if I’ll have enough time in the evenings to get everything done, or if I’ll ever see any of my friends again. Finding my balance.

But there are also good things about returning to work! Like I’ll get my full salary again. I’ll have less time to SPEND money. I get to meet and help patients. I get to see my coworkers again and have adult time. We’ll figure out and get into a daily routine. Vacations and holidays will be fun to look forward to. I’m trying to focus on these things.

I’ve spent a lot of time and effort preparing for this transition to make it as easy as possible on us. Here’s what I’ve done:

>Organized key parts of our home. The nursery is completely done since we use it so much, and I’ve done a lot with the kitchen as well since it’s the main hub of activity in our lives.

>Changed up our routines. To get to work on time I’ll have to wake up BY 5 a.m., so I want everything to be as easy and quick as possible in the morning. I started doing everything at night, including showering. I even downloaded an app called HomeRoutines to make sure I don’t forget anything.

>Started meal planning. If I’m going to continue cooking, I have to really plan for it. I’m using the app MealBoard and every Saturday I write down what we’ll have that week and send my husband grocery shopping.

>Have everything scheduled. Weekdays will be for work, evenings will be taking a walk, dinner, tidying up, bedtime routine, reading. Saturdays I’ll do a general clean and meal plan. Sunday is church, grocery shopping, and hopefully working on the blog.

>Visited the daycare where Meredith will be staying during the day. Everyone was really nice…except the lady who works in the infant room. She wasn’t rude or mean, just didn’t smile or fawn over my baby. Then again, she WAS working and she seemed to be good with the other kids.

>Packed Meredith’s bag with 8 cloth diapers, sensitive disposable wipes, two changes of clothes, and six labeled bottles of breastmilk.

>Bought all new scrubs (I “outgrew” my others, grr)

>Packed MY bag with pumping supplies, lunch, and purse

>Have tried to spend a LOT of quality time just relaxing with Meredith.

I have no idea what to expect as a working mother. I really hope to keep up with the blog by scheduling my posts on the weekends, but I’m also thinking that in order to keep updating that I’ll start posting shorter, more frequent updates, perhaps with a quick photo here and there, in between longer posts. I’ll have to see what works.

I had a great maternity leave. I feel like I really got the hang of being a mom to an infant and really got to know Meredith. I relaxed a lot, did some work on the house, did fun things, worked on things I’d been meaning to. It was great, and I wish it didn’t have to end, but at least I’m pretty sure I took full advantage of it.

Now everything changes, and I hope I can get this good feeling back.