thoughts on second babies

March 8, 2012

This is my first baby. She is awesome. She is so awesome that she makes me want to have more babies. But she is also so awesome that I am afraid to have more babies. That’s my thesis statement, and now on to the essay:

I’ve always wanted more than one kid. When people ask me how many I want I just say that we’ll have one and see how that goes, and if we have another we’ll see how that goes. We’ll figure it out as we go.

Well we have one now, and it is AMAZING. It’s better than I ever could have hoped. It took us two and a half years to have Meredith, and I would wait ten years for her if I had to.

It was really hard to wait those years though. When we decided we were ready for a baby, I was READY. It was two years of worry and emptiness and longing, not always in the forefront but always there.

Maybe this is why I still feel envious when I hear of someone getting pregnant. It’s crazy! I know this! I mean, I have a perfectly healthy baby who is only 7 months old. Because I had a C-section I was told to wait 18 months before getting pregnant again if I want to try a VBAC. But…we had to have medical help to get our baby, and I don’t know what round two will look like – if we’ll need help, or if it will even happen.

Since Meredith is so great, I’m not scared of having a newborn again. I loved having a newborn. I miss it. I want to have hundreds of babies!

Except…when I think about having another baby – an actual separate baby that is not Meredith – I get so anxious! What if I don’t love that baby as much? What if that baby isn’t as great as Meredith and I’m always comparing it to her? How can I ever not give Meredith my full attention? Is there any way that I can just have her all over again?

Anyway. I still want more babies and I will probably always feel some kind of envy when I hear about pregnancies. And yet I probably won’t get over this weird fear of a second baby until I actually have one.

Posted in: motherhood, infertility, motherhood

Comments on thoughts on second babies

  1. 1

    From Lorren:

    I am sorry that you had to wait so long before your baby came, but I am so happy for you that she did! I haven’t been waiting nearly as long, but like you, I feel so jealous whenever anyone is pregnant… and right now it seems as if every woman in my neighborhood is. It’s nice to hear a story where despite a wait there was a happy ending. :)

  2. 2

    From kapachino:

    There are a lot of happy endings, but it’s hard to stay optimistic when you’re still waiting, I know. I hope your patience pays off soon!

  3. 3

    From Audrey:

    Your last sentence sums up the second baby issue. I had all of these feelings and can tell you….don’t worry, it just works itself out! And to note…all babies are different!

  4. 4

    From kapachino:

    I’m sure my fears are unfounded, but I still can’t help worrying!

  5. 5

    From Lauren:

    This post was really, really adorable. So is your child. Every time you post a picture of her on twitter, I MUST click.

    I think what you’re feeling is quite normal. I don’t have any kids though so I’m no expert. It is amazing though how humans are able to give an unlimited amount of love. I’m one of nine kids and as I’ve gotten older, I’ve overheard my parents having discussions like this. But the love and time and energy and LIFE, for my parents/family at least, just gets fuller and bigger and greater.

    Whatever you choose, it’ll be perfect for you and your family! I just hope the second one has those cheeks too because my twitter feed won’t be as exciting without them!

  6. 6

    From kapachino:

    Thank you! Her cheeks are even more irresistible in real life. :)

  7. 7

    From Ruth:

    I want my daughter to have a sibling – other than my husband, my sister is my best friend. But after experiencing pregnancy and taking care of my baby so far, I’ve realized I don’t want to have a 2 year old and a newborn at the same time. I’m planning to have a second, but have them be 3 years apart at least.

    Of course you will love a new baby as much! You will just love him/her differently. Think about the love for your husband …has it lessened now that you have to share your love with the baby? I think having this baby has deepened my love for my husband!

  8. 8

    From kapachino:

    I know mentally that love isn’t in limited quantity and it only grows, but I just can’t imagine it right now! 3 years apart sounds like a good difference, although we will probably try sooner because we don’t know how hard it will be to conceive again.

  9. 9

    From Becca:

    Awwww, she is so sweeeeeet wit dem cheeeeks.

    (sorry can’t resist!)

    Your last sentence struck a chord with me. God just grows you in was only he can. Going on my 4th baby I’ve said goodbye to that fear and feel more entrusting that God will provide once again. Course that could also be called a coping mechanism….

  10. 10

    From Jen:

    I get jealous, too, anytime I see people pregnant. My husband and I are currently unable to conceive, and it has put an unneccessary bitterness in me toward other Moms. It’s not the right attitude, I know, but it’s difficult. BUT, I know one day I’ll get there.

    Do whatever makes you happy. But that Meredith – she’s one cute little baby girl!!

  11. 11

    From kapachino:

    I know all of those feelings well, and I don’t know if I ever got to a place of total acceptance, where baby stuff didn’t bother me. I really hope things work out for you, and I’m here if you ever want to chat about it.

  12. 12

    From Sara Klemach:

    When I was pregnant with Reese, I was TERRIFIED that I wouldn’t and couldn’t love her as much as I already loved Rory. Guess what? I do! I love both of them 100% and in completely different ways. Now that I’m expecting Baby #3, and Tom claima that this will be our last child, I get jealous of people who aren’t “done.” One other thing, 18 months sounds excessive. I was told 12 months. Would your doctor not even consider supporting a VBAC with a shorter timeframe? If that’s the case, there are plenty of OBs that would.

  13. 13

    From Sara Klemach:

    For clarification, does your OB want 18 months between birth and conception or 18 months between births?

  14. 14

    From kapachino:

    She told me she prefers 18 months between birth and conception, but if it was 12 months I am almost positive she’d consider VBAC. She’s very flexible and I think she’d just see how things go. I’m kind of scared thinking of my next birth experience after the one I went through!

  15. 15

    From Ashley:

    “Is there any way that I can just have her all over again?” YES! This!

    My child is older than yours and we’re probably waiting another 1.5 years to try…partially because Mike is in school (can’t afford to lose my paycheck OR pay more for child care!) and partially because I really want lots of time alone with my little dude. I just love him to pieces and worry about him getting less attention. Not because I think less attention is BAD for kids, but because I want him to always be happy! (Realistic, I know.)

    As far as how many after that…who knows? I used to say 6, then 4, now I’m thinking 2 or 3. Big families are fun, but I just don’t know if that is where my heart is anymore. We also have talked about doing foster-to-adopt or just foster care when our kid(s) are older. :)

    Phew. That was a book!

  16. 16

    From Bethanygp:

    I felt-feel- the exact same way. And I’m currently 7 months pregnant with #2. :) You just have to take the plunge!!

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