more thoughts on second babies

November 14, 2012

Meredith as a wee newborn omg.

I probably started thinking about my second baby while I was still pregnant with Meredith. It’s just the nature of infertility if you want to have more than one, which we do. After the birth my doctor told me to wait 18 months before getting pregnant again if I wanted to give myself the best chance possible to avoid another C-section. At the time I thought it would be a long time to wait and I secretly hoped I’d just turn up pregnant within the year (oops!), but now here we are at almost 16 months out, it’s gone by super fast, and I’m nowhere near pregnant.

I saw my OB again recently for my annual exam and we talked about trying to conceive. The last time I wrote about getting pregnant again I was conflicted, and to an extent I still am, but I am sensing a change within myself. I think I will be ready soon, but I know that doesn’t mean my body will cooperate. First of all there’s my underlying PCOS, and on top of that there’s the fact that I am still breastfeeding Meredith. It’s only two, maybe three (on the weekends), times a day, but according to my doctor that is enough to make it pretty much impossible to track my cycles. She said if I really want to give myself the best chance at pregnancy (and this is what a fertility specialist would tell me as well), I need to wean.

I’m just not ready to do that though. Throughout this whole conception/ pregnancy/ birth/ baby thing, breastfeeding is the one aspect of my body that has worked perfectly. I know that I can bond with Meredith in other ways, but it won’t be the same. So I discussed with my doctor what she would recommend once I wean, but in the meantime we are just going to do what we can:

>Clean up my diet. When I got pregnant before I was pretty much eating gluten free, and I believe that it helped. There is a link between PCOS and insulin resistance that a low glycemic index diet can help overcome. I really need to gear up mentally to eat this way though, because it is hard. Meredith will be 18 months in January and I hope by that time I’ll be ready to make the change.

>Visit my nutritionist and take her supplements. I’ve been seeing her since before I got pregnant with Meredith and she has helped me get fertile and have a healthy pregnancy. I think she can help me again.

>Try to track anyway. It might not work, but I figure I can give the daily temperatures a shot, and get some cheap ovulation predictor kits.

I definitely feel less stressed this time around, and less of an urgency. I still really worry that it won’t happen for us again though, especially when I hear pregnancy announcements of second babies. I always dreamed of a full house, but I never imagined how much work it would take to get there.

Posted in: motherhood, infertility, motherhood

Comments on more thoughts on second babies

  1. 1

    From lauren w:

    Isn’t it funny how she looks so much the same but so different???
    PS we’ve talked about this before but I am a happy only child, so if that’s the plan God has for your family it works out, I promise. :)

  2. 2

    From kapachino:

    If that’s what ends up happening I’m afraid she’s going to get very spoiled. :)

  3. 3

    From Allison:

    Actually I’m not sure if eating gluten-free will be low GI. Wheat, rye and oats actually are pretty low GI, and they are gluten. So you might want to see if its low GI that helped, or if it’s gluten-free that did. I personally believe its unnecessary to cut gluten unless you really have an intolerance for it.

    Although I agree that low GI can help with insulin resistance. Hopefully you find something that works!

  4. 4

    From kapachino:

    Yeah, as I was looking into low GI more (I didn’t know much about it until my doctor mentioned it) I noticed that it doesn’t exactly line up with gluten free. But then gluten intolerance can manifest in so many ways, including reproductive problems I think? Although since I have PCOS it’s probably more the low GI thing…I don’t know! Gah! I’ll probably just do whatever the nutritionist tells me to.

  5. 5

    From Tabaitha:

    Weaning was seriously the hardest thing to do, atleast more for me than the kids. All of my kids were ready to wean at completely different times. Each time, I was the one upset about it. I’ll be praying for a smooth transition for you both. If you want, one of my best friends has Celiacs and eats gluten free and she has found several sites that have been helpful at new recipes. I can send them your way if you like.

  6. 6

    From kapachino:

    I would be interested! I’m not sure if I need to do gluten free or low GI (apparently they’re not the same), but I’d love some ideas!

  7. 7

    From Sara:

    Personally, I would lean toward letting Meredith self-wean for a couple of reasons, not the least of which is her happiness. What if she is the only child you and David will have? Would you want to give up those extra months or years of your nursing relationship with her? Although we struggled to conceive Baby #1 after a miscarriage, I have gotten pregnant with Baby #2 while still nursing Baby #1 and have gotten pregnant with Baby #3 while still nursing Baby #2. It can happen if that’s what God wants! :)

  8. 8

    From kapachino:

    I’m glad you read this because I’ve been wanting to talk to you about it! Your thoughts are exactly mine – I’m not willing to compromise on nursing Meredith when I know it’s a great thing, and the possibility of me having another baby is only hypothetical. Plus, like you said, it’s possible to get pregnant while nursing. That’s why I’m just going to try the other stuff. :)

  9. 9

    From nic:

    I know every situation is different, but I also got pregnant the second time around while nursing. James was 14 months, and I was able to keep nursing him until he self-weaned at 17 months. The timing was so good for me because it was exhausting to nurse and grow a baby, but I was nowhere near ready to be done at 14 months. Sending prayers of peace your way!

  10. 10

    From Ashley // Our Little Apartment:

    Oh, that is such a hard decision. I didn’t have to make it, since I didn’t want to get pregnant until Gabe was 2 – but I will say that our suuuuuper gradual weaning was great for several reasons: 1) I got to nurse longer! I LOVED nursing Gabe. It was easily one of my favorite parts of infancy. 2) I didn’t notice the calorie burn stop. I was sort of worried I’d gain weight once I was done nursing, but it didn’t happen since my body slowly eased into it. 3) No hormone swings! I’ve had several friends who weaned quickly and then struggled with some sadness or feelings of depression. This just didn’t happen because he weaned so slowly.

    It was always our special time together where Gabe was cuddly. I went away when Gabe was 22 months old (we’d still been nursing once or twice a day) and when I came back, he refused when I offered (my boobs HURT – I didn’t bring a pump to the farm for a week!). I cried because I was SO sad that part of our relationship was over. It’s so hard to explain without sounding like a crazy lady – but it’s sort of nice that Gabe needed ME, you know?

    Anyway! Reading this – you want to continue, so I say do it! :) I also thought of what Sara said when I was nursing Gabe – what if he IS my only child?

    Okay, this comment is becoming an novel. I WISH we lived close so we could get together for coffee and chat! :)

  11. 11

    From Nora:

    I have absolutely no insight or recommendations other than to say go with that works and feels comfortable for you and for M (and for your husband, too). I’ll be praying for you on all of this though, that much I can say!

  12. 12

    From Sarah:

    I have a 4 month old and we’re already talking about #2 — but in a VERY theoretical way at this point since I am in absolutely no rush to go back to the newborn stage. (Even 4 months is already SO much better than the newborn stage, lol.) Still, it took 1.5 years and one miscarriage to have our daughter, and I’ll be 35 in March. I don’t want to wait too long out of fear that it’ll be too late…

  13. 13

    From kapachino:

    Sounds very similar to us – one miscarriage and two years! It’s a tough spot to be in, but it makes us so grateful for what we do have.

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