Today is my birthday, I am 32 years old. So I’m giving myself the gift of a completely random blog post.

Here I am right now:

I have a cute baby. A fun and adorable toddler who is at school right now. An awesome, supportive husband. A close extended family and the best in-laws. I love my job, and I also love that I’m on break from it right now. I have it good. And yet this morning I was crying in the shower. Why? Hormones have to do with it. Meredith screaming all morning didn’t help. Taking this blood pressure medication that gives me frequent headaches and fatigue is throwing me off my game. Postpartum depression? I don’t know. Maybe a little. But I’m not myself these days, and I miss myself.

For the past three weeks I’ve been at home hanging out with Liam, not leaving the couch much. I’d say 50% of my days have been spent there, watching TV and stitching or reading. The rest of my time includes when David and Meredith are home, occasional showers, housework, and a few little outings. It’s become very comfortable for me on the couch, but there are other things I want to do and yet I’m finding it very hard to muster up the energy for them. I’m becoming a little lonely and sometimes sad.

Yesterday I finally made myself work on something new. First I filled out as much of Liam’s baby book as I could so far, and made a list of pictures to print for it. Then I prepped supplies for my 2013 holiday minibook:

I hope it will come together quickly, because I still have a whole lot of Project Life to catch up on. These things sound fun in my head but when I sit down to work on them I just stare.

So far on my leave I have read one book (Margot by Jillian Cantor) and started another (Joyland by Stephen King). I have watched the entire series of Sherlock and season one of Game of Thrones, plus a couple seasons of 30 Rock (I only have about ten episodes left in the whole series). I’m starting season two of Downton Abbey this week. I have stitched the frame and six squares of the autumn sampler. I have eaten lots and lots of food and drank more coffee than I need. I took Meredith and Liam on one walk and felt like a rockstar while I was doing it, then I came home and collapsed.

I don’t want today to feel just like every other day. So I’m going to go have another cup of coffee and add some hot chocolate mix to it. Then I’m going to put Liam in a carrier and wear him while making chocolate chip cookies and eating the dough. I’m going to browse my favorite websites for inspiration, and then I’m going to work on my minibook for awhile. And then I’ll probably come back to the couch because I’m tired already just thinking about all of this.