welcome to my inner monologue

February 24, 2016


I recently saw this picture of a drawing of what’s on one mom’s mind and thought YES. So this morning as I got ready for work I literally recorded my thoughts on the voice app in my phone, and transcribed them for you. I could have kept going and going but I had to cut myself off somewhere. Welcome to the madness:

Should I join a yoga studio? Do the kids watch too much TV? Should I have another baby? Should we get bunk beds for the kids? Should we get them from IKEA? When should we buy them? Should I wait until after my Lent spending freeze? Or wait until Meredith’s 5th birthday? How will I get them to sleep in their own beds all night? I’m definitely going to paint the living room white. Should I do that now and a little bit at a time? Or should I wait until after I finish decorating my room and the kids’ room? How do you paint wood paneling? I need to look that up.

Should I blog today? How am I going to find time to write? Gosh I wish the kids would go to bed on their own so I could have time with David afterwards, or time to write, or whatever. Ooh, I really need to finish Bel Canto by this weekend. It’s so good. I picture the opera singer as Sharleen Joynt from The Bachelor. I wish I could watch The Bachelor with David again.

If I’m going to have a baby, then this is a good year to do it. I’m already 34 and I wouldn’t be high risk yet. Should it be our last baby? Should we even have one? I have two siblings, David has two siblings. Three seems like a good number, but then there’s a middle child. It’s going to be a scheduled C-section. She could fix my scar.

What are we going to have for dinner tonight? Oh yeah, we still have a lot of leftovers. Good. Hmm I’m almost out of my tinted moisturizer. Maybe I should have a Facebook Beautycounter party and get some more through that. I really need to trim my nails. I’m so glad we got the cats, the kids love them. Meredith is so cute with Ziggy. Even though the litter is really annoying. I really want a Litter Robot. But I also really want a new couch and chair for the living room. But I also really want to pay off our debt as fast as we can. If we have another baby that means more daycare costs. But Meredith IS going to kindergarten next year, so that will save us some. I wonder when kindergarten registration is? If I have another baby, what hospital would I deliver at?

Ooh, yoga is today, can’t forget my clothes. Today is the last yoga class with my favorite teacher. I wonder if it would be worth the money to join a studio? Or maybe I should figure out a different way to exercise. I’ve got to get back in shape. How am I going to do that, plus work and read and craft and blog? I wish I could put more effort into that stuff. Maybe I should try the 21 day fix. I need to make a plan.

I’ve GOT to get to work on time, I need all the hours I can get. Gosh mornings are hard, and they used to be my favorite. I wonder how busy work is going to be today? Are we going to be able to get an IV in that guy? He’s a really hard stick. Tomorrow I’m probably going to have to audit charts again. At least I hope they have work for me. I wish I could afford to work part-time. There’s so much creatively and at home that I want to do. What am I thinking, wanting to have another baby?

It’s exhausting to be me. Can anyone relate??

Posted in: personal, personal, thoughts

Comments on welcome to my inner monologue

  1. 1

    From Lacey Bean:

    This cracked me up because I’m totally the same. My thoughts jump from one thing to the next without stopping. Sometimes when I’m talking to my husband and I jump subjects he’s like, “How did you get to that?” and I can literally go back into my train of thought and connect the dots haha.

  2. 2

    From Erin:

    I love this. My brain works like this too. I’d love to do this same thing one day.

  3. 3

    From Becca:

    Yes, you should get bunk beds and they should be from Ikea. And yes, I would definitely have another baby. And another set of bunk beds. :)

  4. 4

    From Sarah K:

    I don’t want to have another baby, but other than that, I can relate to a LOT of that. Ugh… how DO we find time to do all the good things we want to do? And yes — kids that could go to sleep by themselves would be marvelous.

  5. 5

    From Sarah:

    This made me laugh — not at you but with you. YES I can TOTALLY relate.

  6. 6

    From Holly:

    I can totally relate!

    I wanted to get bunk beds (from Ikea!) for my kids too but my 5-year-old flat out refused to sleep on the top bunk, and his 3-year-old sister is too little – so we’re cramming two twin beds into their room instead. I can just picture them bouncing from one bed to the other …

  7. 7

    From Nora:

    you in the morning = me at night, when I’m supposed to be sleeping, or trying to fall asleep! Bottom line, I totally get it.

    And the last part about wanting to work part time + considering having a family + how do people do all the things? I texted that to Becky (Love Everyday Life) the other day. Who are these Wonder Woman who workout, make dinners, work, get to school functions, have time to cultivate their relationship with their husbands + friends + themselves, reading/blogging, etc. They must be an enigma. I have no idea how they do it. I feel like I’m barely holding on and I don’t even have full time kids!

  8. 8

    From Becky Penner:

    This made me laugh. You are a busy woman! I know it sounds weird, but I was so relieved when we did something permanent about birth control, because I seriously think I would have been obcessing about if/when to have a TENTH child. Blessings!

  9. 9

    From Melanie:

    Too funny! Of course I can relate, except with inner dialogue specific to me right now! And ‘ditto’ to Lacey’s comment.

Leave a Reply