kapachino

Category: me

  • Some Goals, Sort Of

    Recently, in my coffee-less state (this is important because everything seems worse without coffee), I have started to feel a growing discontent with some areas of my life. Not major things, but little things. I’ve kind of hit a plateau in a lot of areas and it’s bringing me down.

    I don’t have a lot of extra time or money, and I’m really good about cutting myself some slack because of it, but I’m at the point where I think some productivity and changes could really benefit me mentally. Here’s what I’m thinking about:

    Home

    Here is our home. We’ve lived here about three years, and I love it. But we never finished furnishing it, and there are a couple rooms that aren’t being used at all because of it, and more that are just plain boring or ugly. I love being at home, and I want it to be a place that inspires me and makes me happy.

    There are some bigger projects that need to be done: new carpet, new tile, redo or update the bathrooms, and (lower on the priority list) updating the kitchen. But right now I just want to get the whole place furnished and somewhat decorated.

    Thinking about it as a whole is overwhelming, so instead I think I’ll just take it a room at a time. First up is the living room. It gets used a lot, and it’s one of the rooms we’ve done the most with already.

    (Sorry about the bad lighting in these pictures.)

    Here are some things I want to do in this space:

    • Get a large jute rug
    • Style the coffee table
    • Style the mantel
    • Style the buffet area
    • Purchase bar stools
    • Switch out the sheer curtains for something with fresh color
    • Add some plants

    I’m not going to let myself think or stress about the other rooms until I finish with this one.

    Personal Style

    So, I’m not a stylistic nightmare, but I do have a long way to go before I really feel comfortable and confident in this area. I wear scrubs every day so it’s hard to get excited about clothes and accessories when I hardly get to wear them. But I went to a wedding the other weekend and I had a hard time really feeling polished, and I’d like to change that.

    >Hair: I have fine, straight hair that just hangs and won’t hold a curl. I’ve never been very adventurous with it, and I’m not willing to spend much time on it unless it’s for a special event. This weekend I’m going to get it cut, and I’m thinking a bob along these lines:

    Images found here, here, and here.

    At the moment I already have sideswept bangs and they really bother me at work, so I either clip it aside or wear a headband wrap. Once I get it cut I’ll work on how to style it for every day wear and for nice events.

    >Makeup: I have deliberately cut back on the amount of makeup I wear because I like the way I look naturally and I don’t enjoy the process of putting it on. Most of the time I only wear mascara and mineral powder foundation. Sometimes I apply eyeliner and blush. I’m fine with this. However, I want to learn how to look fancy. I want to have the products at my disposal and be able to look a little more glamorous if the mood strikes. If you have recommendations, or have written about your recommendations before, please share!

    >Clothes: This is going to take some work. Although I lost almost all of my weight from pregnancy, the sad truth is that my body will never be the same again. All of my nice things were bought pre-pregnancy, and most of them just aren’t right anymore. I’ve been doing some thinking about what I want my wardrobe to look like, and I’ve determined that I want to stay mostly with a classic, conservative style with elements of sporty and hippie thrown in. I don’t even know if that makes sense, but it sounds good to me.

    Steps to achievement:

    • Go through my closet with a critical eye. Get rid of lots of things. I do this a lot so it shouldn’t be too hard; I’m not overly sentimental about clothes.
    • Consult a wardrobe essentials list and determine the items that I lack (including jewelry, handbags, and shoes – I need it all).
    • Um, save up some money.
    • Shop – preferably sales and thrift stores!

    Lifestyle

    Some other things I want to make an effort towards:

    >Exercise: I’ve been an athlete all my life, and I find myself in a place where I haven’t exercised in a year. I have a really nice bike that is sitting in the garage unused. This is not okay. I really think it’s feasible for me to go running with Meredith in the jogging stroller three times a week right after work, and then take one bike ride on the weekends. I wanted to start this week, but the weather was terrible the first half and then Meredith got sick. Blah.

    >Cooking: I don’t cook. My husband doesn’t cook. What do we eat? Breakfast is oatmeal, lunch is provided for me most of the time (drug companies, woohoo) and if not I have a Lean Cuisine (David eats out), and dinner is something like cereal, sandwiches, eating out, or at a family member’s house. I’m not happy about it, I’m worried about providing food for Meredith, and I don’t know what to do about it. I’ve tried to start cooking before and it never lasts. I don’t even want to think about it, but I’ll have to pretty soon.

    >Church: We’re semi-committed to a new church now, and I think I’m ready to start getting involved and making friends. There’s a small group that is for young families that my friend (and doula!) attends, so I’d like to visit. We also need to start tithing again.

    I guess these are kind of like my goals right now, even though I didn’t set any sort of deadline because that would just stress me out. I’m totally open to any kind of advice or recommendation on anything. I hope to keep updating as I make progress, because progress WILL be made!

  • Thirty!

    Guess, what? I’m thirty years old today. Hooray!

    It’s a milestone. Kind of a big one, although I don’t know why. Maybe it’s because 30 seems so…adult. So…old? Nah. I don’t feel old. I mean, I’ve been living like a grandma for years, but I feel great.

    Nevertheless, I’ve been doing a lot of reflecting on this birthday. Kind of evaluating my life, and I’ve come to the conclusion that it is fantastic. I’m healthy. I’m married to a man with a heart of gold who loves me like I never dreamed I would be loved. We have an adorable, healthy baby who gives us endless joy. We have amazing families who are our best friends. I have a steady job that is challenging and fulfilling. These and many, many other blessings.

    My life isn’t perfect. I wish we were out of debt and had money to travel and save for retirement and Meredith’s future. I wish I didn’t have to work so much and that my job wasn’t so far away. I wish I had more time for hobbies. I wish I could figure out how to cook on a regular basis. Like anyone, my relationships have their struggles. But all of these things are trivial compared to the good in my life.

    I wish I was at a point where I could make some concrete goals for the next year, or even month – but I’m trying to be true to myself and right now I know that would just stress me out. I’m happy with the way things are going, though. I’m doing really well documenting life lately – I’ve started Project Life, am taking lots of photos, capture at least one good thing a day as well as writing down what happened that day. I’ve lost over half of the weight I gained while pregnant and am back into my pre-pregnancy clothes. I find time to read. I soak up my time with David and Meredith. We are looking hard for a new church.

    I’m just really, really happy to be alive. And I think thirty is going to be the best year yet.

  • thoughts on free time

    It’s Saturday morning and I’m feeling overwhelmed. It’s the first day in a long while that I don’t have a single plan. Not a thing on my to-do list. I’ve been looking forward to it eagerly.

    Meredith woke me up at 5 a.m. and I managed to stay in bed with her until around 6. We got up, I had coffee and oatmeal, and we played. I sat with her on the couch and finished a book while she chewed on her toys. It was good.

    Then I cleaned the kitchen. I knew I’d feel better once that was done. I tidied up the living room, but that didn’t take long. I thought that I needed to sweep the floor, do laundry, and vacuum, but I didn’t feel like it right then. Meredith needed attention.

    I picked her up and we walked around the house. We went into the extra room that I use for an office/craft room, and my head began spinning. I want to organize it. I want to work on several creative projects. I want to purge our house of the things we don’t need. I want to clean it from top to bottom. I want to read more books. I want to catch up on blogs and write and take pictures. I want to cook more and exercise. But I just have one day of free time, and Meredith needs me frequently. What should I do?

    I walked out of the craft room. I sat down to write this. The dogs are barking and it is annoying me. I feel on edge. Anxious for no reason. I’m going to take a shower now, to clear my head.

  • Weekend Activities, Self-Reflection, and Baby Hair Control

    So I had a really good weekend. It was a perfect mix of productive and fun. I could have possibly used a bit more relaxing at home time, but you can’t win ’em all. I was so proud of all that I had accomplished on Saturday that I was bragging to David at the end of the day.

    Me, with smug satisfaction: …and I even showered, and shaved my legs, and plucked my eyebrows, and completely groomed myself!

    David: Honey, MOST people do that.

    Me, not quite so smug: Well, so do I, OBVIOUSLY. Just…not all the time.

    ***

    Because of some things that have happened lately I have been examining myself and how I handle conflict. I have come to the conclusion that it is near impossible to make me angry, and I am probably the most forgiving person I know. I’m not saying that to brag, because it can actually be a significant fault. I will look for any and every excuse to not be upset with someone, even if they really don’t deserve it. And if someone, like my husband, is upset with a person for good reason, I will immediately take up that person’s cause in order to smooth things over, when what I should really be doing is supporting my husband. There’s nothing I hate more than a broken relationship, but I need to make sure not to let that come in between my most important relationships of all.

    ***

    I took my computer to the Apple store in the mall yesterday to visit the Genius Bar. It was kind of embarrassing because it’s like 5 years old, the edges of the keyboard are peeling off, there is a huge black line through the screen where it got bent, and it’s just overall obviously old, dirty, and slow. I felt sort of bad for it in there with all the shiny new things. This one still works, though, and I feel an affection for it since it saw me through nursing school. I even named it, although now I know someone with that name so I’ll keep it to myself. But it had stopped connecting to the internet at our house which is quite inconvenient. I’m saving up for a new one, but it’s slow going. Anyway, the point of this whole thing is that I was in the mall, and there was Christmas music playing and all the holiday decorations were up. I’m not against premature holiday-celebrating, but it did kind of surprise me, and then I realized that Thanksgiving is only two weeks away so it’s not truly premature. I think I must be in another world somewhere and time is passing without me realizing it.

    ***

    You must have noticed that this post is of the random variety, so I can’t let it pass without talking about the baby. Specifically, that her hair is out of control. It is completely bald on one side, sort of bald on the other side, and the rest of it is getting SO long. It swoops completely to one side like an emo kid, has a huge swirling cowlick in the back that refuses to be tamed, and basically from the side she looks like she has a horse’s mane. It is what it is, but still, we’re into hats these days.

  • Joining the Confession

    Recently Ashley wrote a post listing all the things she doesn’t do in order to highlight the fact that she’s an imperfect human, just like all of us, because it’s so easy to get caught up in jealousy in the blog world where you only see what other people want you to see.

    Since then I’ve seen a bunch of other people follow her lead, which I think is awesome. I’m here to make my own confessions. I’m so not perfect, don’t have it all together, and there are a bunch of areas that I want to improve. BUT, I’m happy with my life and I like myself. I hope you do, too. (Like YOURSELF. I hope you like me too, but that’s not what I meant.)

    ***

    I don’t walk our dogs, hardly ever.

    I barely cook anymore. We eat packaged foods or shamelessly invite ourselves to dinner at our parents’ house. (I wonder how long I will use “new baby” as an excuse?)

    I sometimes let Meredith cry when I’m trying to finish getting something done.

    I don’t always give my husband the attention that he wants and needs.

    I’m not interested in makeup, and I hardly ever buy new clothes.

    I haven’t exercised since halfway through my pregnancy.

    I don’t eat a lot of vegetables, and I do eat my favorite three C’s: chocolate, cheese, and carbs.

    I don’t floss.

    I can’t break my paper towel habit.

    Sometimes if I find a mess made by the dogs in the morning when I’m in a rush I won’t clean it up until later.

    I’m not good at creative or personal gifts.

    Our house is covered in a thin layer of dog hair. And the windowsills are chewed, as is the rug, the carpet, and the coffee table. Only a couple rooms are “finished” and the backyard is a disaster.

    ***

    And to be honest, there are other things that I’m too embarrassed to mention publicly! But I think it’s time we all make our confessions. What are yours?