kapachino

Category: thoughts

  • fighting the sadness

    The only good thing about getting so sick for a couple of days is that it completely took my mind off anything else that was wrong. For a little while, I wasn’t sad or emotional – every part of me was focused on feeling better. And now that I do, physically (although I’m still barely eating), I can start to feel my crazy hormones take over again. The sadness creeps in subtly and slowly, and today I began to feel its fuzzy tentacles wrapping around my heart. I decided that I didn’t want to just accept that, so I took action.

    First, I made an appointment for a pedicure this weekend. It helps me to have something to look forward to in the immediate future, no matter how small. Next I got myself out of the house and visited my sister-in-law and my nephew because sitting at home alone just makes things worse, no matter how comfortable my bed is. Finally, I stopped at a place that always makes me happy: Target.

    I had a $100 gift card from my birthday and I figured today was the day to use it. A hundred dollars is very easy to spend at Target, especially when it’s not your own money. But here is what I came away with:

    The placemats and napkins are for making my tiny kitchen table look pretty (here’s hoping I will get back to cooking someday soon), the tea kettle is for making coffee with my french press (whenever I can tolerate coffee again), the basket is to hold throw blankets and to match another one we have, and the sandals are for looking cute (although not in that picture – but hopefully they will with a dress and once I’ve had the aforementioned pedicure).

    So far, so good. I haven’t cried once today, which I’m pretty proud of. And I’m about to eat my first real meal in three days: baked potato soup in a bread bowl from Panera. I have one more day off work to relax, and then we’ll see how I handle Thursday. I know it may take awhile, but I want to be happy again, and I’m willing to fight for it.

  • kick start

    Hello. So it appears that I have fallen off the blogging bandwagon a bit. I really thought I would update more frequently than this after NaBloPoMo ended, but I guess it tired me out more than I realized. ANYWAY, here are some things for you to ponder. Or things for you to skim over and forget about, whatever you like.

    ***

    This Saturday I attended The Pioneer Woman’s book signing with Chelsea, Lauren, (non-blogger) Kelly, and Darla. I felt a little bit like an imposter because I’ve only been reading her blog for a couple of weeks. Although I have to say, I am hooked. Also, I am really bad at meeting people in general, and meeting anyone even remotely famous just isn’t my thing. I clam up and come off either awkward, stuck up, or–God forbid–BORING. Thankfully Lauren and Chelsea have been reading my blog so they (hopefully) know there’s an interesting person in there somewhere. Needless to say, I did not say much to Ree other than, “Thank you for making it to Houston.” There might be a picture of us out there somewhere.

    ***

    I finally saw New Moon today. I waited awhile and went to the first showing of the day on a weekday and was rewarded with only 5-6 other people in the theater, and none of them were the screaming type. I will be the first to admit that I loved the books (back when I read them long before the craziness started happening), but I’m not much a fan of the movies. In fact, I am thinking of watching the next one on DVD.

    ***

    The things I’m working on now in my spare time include decorating for Christmas using the least amount of money possible, making and sending Christmas cards, planning my next home project (my in-laws are going to help us out with that as a gift–SO EXCITED), reading (always reading), and eating. Some of these things I will be expanding on soon for you.

    ***

    My brother and I get to do a couple of songs at the Christmas Eve service at our church. He plays guitar, I sing. We already have one picked out, but we’re looking for another. Anyone have any suggestions? The song should be about Jesus, preferably.

    ***

    I cannot stop eating cookie dough. That is all.

  • wanted: a new car, please

    Remember that minor annoyance I told you about, how I can’t lock my car anymore? Well, it turned into a little more than annoying today. I was at a furniture store looking for a kitchen table. The store was huge and overwhelming, I didn’t like much of what they had, and a saleslady was stalking me. She was like the cat who came back; she just wouldn’t stay away. I spent more time trying to evade her than looking at furniture. Anyway, I had to get out of there. But as I approached my car, my heart sank. I think I locked my car, I thought. And then I grabbed the handle, and my fears were confirmed. So although I had my key in my hand, I was locked out.

    I pride myself on my muscle memory skills, but in this case they came back to haunt me. My truck was made in 1999, and it doesn’t have automatic anything. So I’ve ingrained in myself the habit of locking my door as soon as I open it. Once I found out about both of the locks being broken, I should have just unlocked the passenger side door. But no, I kept it locked thinking that somehow that would make it more secure? I don’t know. So there I was, stranded in the furniture parking lot, and it was hot. Very, very hot.

    Thankfully, my husband David and my father-in-law dropped whatever they were doing and came out to work some coat hanger magic for this helpless girl. It really wasn’t happening that way, though. They struggled for a good hour before David decided to go to an auto store. He was able to borrow a slim jim and a wedge, and using those tools got it open in about ten minutes. It’s so great to have a man around who always takes care of me. :)

    Unfortunately, when I got home and tried to open the door from the inside, I discovered that the latest trauma had broken the handle. I just had to laugh. I can still get IN my car from the outside, but to get out I have to crawl over and go through the passenger side door. I mean, this is getting ridiculous. I desperately want a new car, but every month I drive this one it saves us about $400. I can handle a lot, and I really like not having a car payment, so I’m sure I’ll just deal with this. But I don’t have to like it!

  • the end is near

    The end of what? Of this annoyingly long stretch of boring, picture-less posts that mostly have to do with my computer in one way or another. I can see the light at the end of the tunnel because yesterday I spent two hours at the Apple store, and in the end I emerged with a completely functional computer and a brand new iPhone, after I offhandedly asked a question about a small issue I had been having with it.

    You would think that my problems would be solved, but you would be wrong. First of all, when I brought my computer home and attempted to re-install some programs, I found out that my administrative password wasn’t being accepted. I am convinced that the Apple Genius put it in wrong, and now I have no way of finding out what it is. Supposedly I can reset it by using the operating system install disc, but in order to use that disc I need my password. Very frustrating. So I’m about to hit up my good friend Google to see what I can do about this.

    There is also the issue of our internet, which decided to quit working two days ago out of the blue. Thankfully, my aforementioned brother-in-law Scott is coming over tonight to fix it. I know he’s going to fix it because he’s awesome, and in return I will provide him with dinner. It’s not enough to pay him back for all the technology-related problems he’s solved for me, but it’s a start.

    If I can get these two things sorted out, which I’m confident I can, then I will just need to undergo the process of transferring all my recovered data from my external hard drive back onto my computer, organizing it, and renaming it. Easy, right?

    Well, there I’ve gone and written another yawn-inducing post about my computer, something I wanted to avoid. I’m too lazy to change it now. But in other news, I survived my David-less few days, and to my great happiness he is back at home again, enjoying the weekend off while I work.

    XOXO,
    Kathleen

  • on my own with a disabled computer

    Well, it appears I jumped the gun on the whole “my computer works!” thing. My computer DOES work, but it is impaired. I think it may have had a stroke, and is now experiencing some residual disability. Half of its brain works, the other half is paralyzed. The good news is it’s the internet side that works. I am typing right now from my computer, and I seem to be able to navigate the wonderful worldwide web without difficulty. But the second I try to open iPhoto my poor little compie just freezes. So I’m taking him to the hospital (aka the Apple store) on Thursday to see the doctor (aka genius). You may laugh, but last time they actually pulled out a stethoscope on him.

    Anyway, I won’t be able to show you the photos of my new living room/kitchen/breakfast room/laundry room quite yet. My husband up and went on a business trip to Nashville without me, and took his computer with him! (Full disclosure: I told him he should.) So here I am at home with the dogs by myself. It is quiet around here without the TV on (although I do seem to be becoming quite the reality TV junkie lately), and already just a tad bit cleaner, but oh the loneliness!

    I hope this doesn’t come as a shock to you, but my husband and I like each other. A lot. And we much prefer to be together than apart. Unfortunately, we have already spent many nights apart since we’ve been married, and I admit it’s completely my fault. I’ve done some house-sitting for friends a few times, and I went on my annual girls-only vacation. But now I’m experiencing it from the other point of view: the One Who Stays Home. It’s much worse.

    So my plan to minimize the ache in my heart while he is away includes the following:

    1. Stay busy. I have something planned for every day and night that he’s gone, except today. And today I will be doing chores around the house and hopefully getting a bike ride in.

    2. Be around people. Tomorrow I’ll be at the church’s youth group pool party (I’m a volunteer), Thursday I’m spending the afternoon/evening with a good friend, and Friday David comes home!

    3. Take up the whole bed. There’s nothing quite so lonely as a single person in a king-sized bed, so I plan on sleeping smack dab in the middle of ours. Also, I’m going to force one or both of the dogs to sleep there with me so I have something to cuddle with.

    In conclusion: I miss my husband bunches, my computer is post CVA, and now I’m going to go eat some leftover lasagna and channel my inner electrician. Those outlets won’t rewire themselves.