kapachino

Tag: nursing

  • Whew

    Alright. So. Sorry about being gone for a week and then coming back with a really depressing post. But some things I just have to write about. If you’re wondering, my patient died yesterday and it was sad. I was glad that I was able to be there for the family, but it was a very surreal experience for me. I’ll just leave it at that.

    On to happier things! The painters finally finished with our house last week so we are back home. It’s amazing what a difference my own bed makes. When I walked in the first thing I noticed was that it wasn’t painted exactly how I had asked it to be. But once I put furniture in the room and lived with it a few days I realized that I like it this way. So that’s good. The painters charged us $400 more than they said they would, and they painted a drawer in the kitchen shut, but let’s not focus on the negative.

    I am really looking forward to showing you the pictures, because there are still some parts we need to paint ourselves and I need advice on what color. However, there is still the issue of my computer. The good thing is that I think I recovered all my data, and it only cost $100 for software and an IT savvy brother-in-law, who is now attempting to fix my busted hard drive. It’s going to take some time for me to sort through those files and make sense of them, but I’ll be working on it.

    I had the day off today and got a whole lot done around the house. I learned how to install a doorknob, and in the process I also learned that standard doorknobs don’t fit in our doors. I’m not quite sure what the solution to that problem is yet, but I know that our old knobs have got to go. I also went for a swim, and although swimming is definitely getting easier for me I still have a looong way to go to be able to make it triathlon distance without killing myself.

    I think that pretty much catches you up on the past week. It’s my bedtime, but the Dancing With the Stars finale is on and I DO have my priorites. I’m postponing sleep so I can (hopefully) watch Shawn Johnson take home the mirrorball trophy!

    XOXO,
    Kathleen

  • I Don’t Think It Gets Easier

    Well I’ve gone and gotten myself all emotionally attached to a dying patient and her family again.  Her name is Pam and she’s 49 years old. She has metastatic breast cancer, but when she was admitted to the hospital just a couple of weeks ago she was alert and walking around. Within a few days she had lost the use of her legs, and after another week she was bedbound. She was in denial until a few days ago, hoping for a miracle. We tried to get her transferred to hospice, but she kept making excuses not to go. Finally her doctor had a serious talk with her, and the rest of that day she was in tears. The last thing she said to me coherently, in between sobs, was how happy she was to have had me as her nurse.

    A day later and she stopped talking and focusing. She developed the death rattle in her throat which is so much more disturbing to the family than to the patient. Pam’s husband and mother have been constantly at her side. Since I’ve been her nurse for so long and am always in and out of the room, her mother called me “one of the family.” I’ve been thinking about her all weekend. It keeps me up at night.

    Today I spent a good amount of time talking to Pam’s mother. As we talked, she brushed Pam’s hair. I commented on how pretty it is: a deep, rich red color. Her mother said to me, as she began to cry, “I always wanted a little girl. Even when I was pregnant I knew I was having a girl, and I knew she would have red hair.” I couldn’t help myself; I started to cry too.

    We walked out of the room and she looked me in the eye and said, “How long do you think she has? Honestly.” I told her, honestly, that it could be at any time. We talked about how the world isn’t right; mothers shouldn’t  have to watch their daughters die like this. She gave me a big hug and walked off to make some tough phone calls.

    You know that feeling you get when a beloved pet dies? Afterwards you think that you’ll never get another one because it’s not worth the sadness of losing them. Confronted with the angish that I saw today, I had to fight off that feeling. I had to keep telling myself that it’s worth it to love, it’s worth it to bring children into the world. And it absolutely is. But that doesn’t mean that I won’t continue to struggle with these emotions.

    I have to say, death really sucks. Cancer sucks. In fact, I hate it. I just want it to go away forever. Thank God it will.

  • I Worked Up the Energy to Write An Update

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    This is what’s left of the annual nurse’s gala that we went to last night. I was one of three finalists for the Outstanding Graduate Nurse for my hospital. I know you’re on the edge of your seat, so I’ll just let you know right now that I didn’t win. But I can still put “finalist” on my resume, right?

    We got ourselves all fancied up and drove downtown to the convention center. It happens to be right next door to the Toyota Center, where the Rockets were playing in a playoff game, and Minute Maid Park, where the Astros also had a game. Obviously the traffic was not ideal. We realized we didn’t have cash, so we had to drive around to find an ATM. Easier said than done when you’re not used to all the one-way streets and lack of parking that is downtown. We ended up having to park seven blocks away in an “event parking lot” where a guy on a bicycle with a little carriage behind him asked us if we wanted a ride to the game. We opted to walk. Once we were there, it was quite nice and I am grateful that David got to meet my coworkers. I’m also grateful for the delicious chocolate fondue dessert they served, even though it kept me up past my bedtime.

    When we came home our living room looked like this:

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    So the painters did finally come, even though they sure are taking their time getting everything done. We accidentally set the house alarm before going to sleep and had a rude awakening this morning when the painters set it off on their way in. They basically kicked us out, so now we’re staying with my in-laws. When we went home this evening to pick up some of our things, it looked like this:

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    It’s covered in primer, and now we feel like we’re living the scene in E.T. when everything is white and covered in plastic. We’re just missing our space suits.

    In other news, I’ve missed three days of triathlon training due to previous commitments, so this morning I picked back up by going for a run. Afterward I went to give blood and I had to be deferred because my hematocrit was low. (It seemed high to me, although as an oncology nurse my views of blood counts are a little skewed. Cancer patients have notoriously low blood counts.) I was disappointed, but this is probably for the best because I have been inordinately exhausted all day, in fact it’s taken me this whole time just to work up the energy to write this post, and imagine what I would have been like if I had been deprived of a pint of my oxygen carrying life fluid. I rescheduled for Thursday, so hopefully by that time my red blood cells will have recouped themselves.

    Thanks for tuning in to this edition of my haphazard life, and hopefully I’ll be back soon with pictures of our finished living room.

  • Snapshots of the Weekend

    Me: So tell me about the NFL draft, I need to know this now!

    David: (Blah blah Texans blah blah Cushing blah blah defensive end etc. etc. etc.)

    Me: Hmm. You’re lucky that I already have a working knowledge of football.

    David: Okay, what’s a cornerback?

    Me: They are the people that mark the receivers.

    David: Um, first of all, there is no “marking” in football.

    Me: But isn’t that what they do? They cover the receivers?

    David: Yes, but it’s not called “marking.” I played and watched sports for 27 years and I never heard the word “mark” until I went to one of your indoor soccer games.

    Me: Huh.

    ***

    Barry (little bro): So there was chocolate fondue involved in one of your nursing classes?

    Me: Yeah, I was at this pain management workshop and the presenter brought out all these different fruits, marshmallows, graham crackers, and chocolate. She compared it all to pain medication and then told us to self-medicate. She also said that it was PRN.

    Barry: Stares blankly. Is that a nursing joke?

    Me: Yeah.

    Barry: Ahh, that’s good. I appreciate that.

  • Well, There’s A Confidence Booster

    So, yesterday I was feeling reeeaally blah. I felt like my head was in a fog. Maybe it was a hangover from the steak, mashed potatos, salad, and ice cream I ate for Easter lunch and the ham, scalloped potatos, bread, and strawberry shortcake I ate for Easter dinner. Whatever the reason, I was feeling oddly incompetent. I emailed David and told him, “I feel like I am about to make a mistake at any moment and get yelled at.” I didn’t, that I KNOW of, but it was a rough day nonetheless.

    Today my director came up to me and asked, “Have you heard of the nurse’s gala that’s coming up?”

    “Yes, I’ve seen the emails.”

    “Were you planning on going?”

    “No, I wasn’t planning on it.” (I’m not in the habit of attending galas.)

    “Well, would you please plan on it?”

    “OK…”

    From here on I asked her several questions about the gala. Apparently it is a formal banquet with live music and some presentations. It’s free, and when the boss asks you to do something, it is wise to make an effort to do so. So, why not? I know she’s grooming me to be a leader, so I figured she wanted my name and face to get out there to represent our unit.

    A few minutes later I told Pat, my mentor, about the exchange. She mentioned that maybe I will be receiving an award. What? I didn’t even know the gala was for awards. I don’t read the emails thoroughly. Later, after talking to our director, Pat confirmed to me: I am one of three finalists for the Best New Nurse award. Out of the entire hospital! What the heck?

    I’m not supposed to know that I’m nominated. I definitely might not win. But still, it’s pretty overwhelming. My hospital is HUGE. It’s completely humbling, especially after a day like yesterday where I thought to myself several times, “What am I doing here? I don’t belong here.”

    But my director, my manager, and my mentor, all nurses for 40+ years, think I belong here. They think I’m pretty good at it. So I guess I’m doing OK! And anyway, it doesn’t really matter because:

    Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men. -Colossians 3:23