Inspired by this, I’m going to share periodically some of the personal journaling I do.
Tuesday morning. 5:30 a.m.
Liam is sleeping in my lap in a dense bundle of warmth and cuteness. I am watching Meredith sleep on the monitor, all curled up. And I can hear David softly snoring.
I just drank a cup of coffee and wrapped up the last lesson in the Bible study on James. What an amazing book.
I am so grateful for my life. For these children I’ve been entrusted. For the husband who is my partner and my love. For our home. It is all a happiness.
But for all of these good gifts from God, I know there is more. There is a greater gift, a greater blessing, a greater understanding and fellowship with God. It will come through sacrificial giving, and serving, and yes, suffering. I want to know God and experience him in that way. I want to truly live out my faith.
Now Liam is squirming, and grabbing my hair, and wanting to nurse. He has morning crust on his eyes that I wipe away. Soon Meredith will wake up and cry, “Mommy I wanna hold you.”
And God, I want to hold you.
It’s Saturday. 6 a.m. The kids are both awake.
Liam didn’t sleep well so we were up a lot in the night. Meredith peed all over our bed for the first time in awhile. She is now sitting in my lap “writing” in her own “journal” while Liam kicks and squirms around on the floor, probably wanting to be picked up.
I am sucking down coffee and snacking on chocolate-covered espresso beans that Mom gave me last night.
Today is starting early, and I am already tired. It’s one of those weekends where I have a lot on my personal to-do list, so I could easily be disappointed in the amount I actually get accomplished. Time to practice the art of prioritizing and slowing down.
“All done,” Meredith says. Next on her to-do list is watching Frozen again. She points to Liam and says, “He’s a baby.” Yes, he is. But not for long.
A Thursday. 5:45 a.m.
I’m sitting in the craft room. It’s not a very pretty room but it’s oh so comfortable. Outside the sprinklers just turned on and the noise they made as they sputtered to life sounded like a dog sniffing and for a moment I looked around for Eddie or Cleo. No one there.
Everyone is asleep but me for the moment. The quilt I started two years ago is on my lap, only missing the binding. It makes me happy. Soon I will start working on one for Meredith, for her big girl bed. It’s time.
In a couple of days this oh so comfortable craft room will be cleared out, painted white, and kid furniture moved in. I’ve been putting it off – I hate painting, I hate moving things around, I hate living in limbo with stuff spread all over until I have time to organize and set up. But I know it’s time to move away from the family bed, and having a room and beds of their own is the first step.
Of course I’m sad. Bedtime can be hard, but I do so love to feel their little bodies pushed up against me. Meredith, not always much for cuddling during the day, loves it at night. When she stirs, her first instinct is to reach out her arm for something to hug close.
Liam just woke up and now he is in my lap, nursing. My big, happy baby. Maybe I can leave him in bed with me a little while longer.