kapachino

Category: me

  • My Happiness Project: January

    As I mentioned in my resolutions post, one of the things I’m doing this year is reading Gretchen Rubin’s book The Happiness Project and creating my own based on her method. For those of you who aren’t familiar with it, there is a chapter for each month of the year and each month is about a different area of life. Then you  make resolutions for the month based on that area, and it is all supposed to work toward a happier life.

    January’s focus is vitality, or boosting energy. To summarize Gretchen, when you have energy everything is better and easier so it makes sense to start with this. I realize that I should have read the chapter before January 1st so I could start on my resolutions right away, but that didn’t happen. So I’m a little behind this month, but that’s okay. It’s a work in progress.

    My January resolutions:

    1. Walk at least one of our dogs twice a week (more if possible)
    2. Start exercising (yoga or swimming) at least once a week
    3. Seriously purge and declutter
    4. Create a command central binder
    5. Accomplish three nagging tasks

    As you can see, my resolutions relate to physical and mental energy. Everyone’s needs are different; notice that I didn’t include anything about getting more sleep, because I already get a lot and that’s something that I’m really good at. I’m especially excited about the organizing & decluttering, but I better get working!

    I’m so excited about this project. Have any of you read the book or created happiness projects of your own?

  • 2010, A Year To Remember

    It’s the last day of the year, and I’m ready for a fresh start. But first, I went back and read all my posts from this year, and the following are some high points (and low ones) that stuck out to me. 2010 was quite a year.

    January: Started out on an excellent note, on vacation. My husband turned 30, and we actually got a lot done working on our house.

    February: So much happened this month! I turned 28 and celebrated a wonderful birthday week. We got a new dog, Oliver, a new car (my beloved Prius), and my blog got a new design courtesy of my brother. I went to see a reproductive endocrinologist for the first time, found out that I was pregnant, and enjoyed a blissful two weeks with that knowledge before suffering a miscarriage.

    March: I was depressed but in denial about it. I chopped off my hair, threw myself into work, and promptly got sick with the worst stomach bug of my life, spending a day in the ER. This is also the month when I started my relationship with Brand About Town as a Nintendo Enthusiast, which continues today.

    April: I started to feel a bit better. I went to an antique festival with my parents, and David and I went on a fantastic, although quick trip to New York City where we saw three Broadway shows and did lots of shopping and touristy things. I also had my wisdom teeth removed (ouch) and went to a conference for work the very next day (not smart).

    May: This was a fairly normal, laid-back month. Among other boring things, we painted the front two rooms of our house a nice neutral (previously bright red) and I started actively seeking natural health, including acupuncture.

    June: We finally got Oliver fixed, we went camping with our siblings and it was really fun but really hot, and I watched some World Cup games. Basically, May and June were the calm before the storm.

    July: The church I attended since high school closed down and began the process of planting a new church. We refinanced our house, and David had his right hip replaced.

    August: I spent a LOT of time taking care of David. I also went on my first medicated fertility cycle, which didn’t work. I started eating vegetarian and saw a nutritionist. I think this was the very beginning of my depression, and I started feeling physically bad a lot of the time.

    September: David had his left hip replaced just six weeks after his first surgery, and again I spent a ton of time taking care of him. We struggled a lot financially due to him being off work with no pay, and we started Financial Peace University. It became clear to me that I really was depressed.

    October: We celebrated our second anniversary by doing nothing in particular. I put a lot of effort into feeling better mentally and physically. My diet changed radically and I saw a therapist. I cut back on a ton of responsibilities. We also had our IUI at the end of the month.

    November: I really, truly, began to feel like myself again. I started my incredible new job, found out I’m pregnant, and passed my oncology certification exam. Woohoo!

    December: I started to feel comfortable in my new position at work, I was nauseous a lot, and we spent a lot of time with family. I tried (unsuccessfully) to participate in reverb10, and I tried (unsuccessfully) to make my goal of reading 50 books this year. For the record, I read 44, which I think is pretty good considering all I had going on.

    So that was my year. As far as the rest of my 2010 resolutions, I wanted to compete in a triathlon but that didn’t happen because of time constraints and health/fertility issues. I did get my blog redesigned, I did get back to healthy eating (and am currently at a weight that I’m proud of), and I did focus more on my husband.

    Is it any wonder that I’m looking forward to 2011? We’re going out with a bang, and I’m ready for what’s next.

  • Reverb10: Wisdom

    What was the wisest decision you made this year, and how did it play out?

    The wisest decision I made was kind of a group of decisions, but it all added up to me making changes and stepping back. As I’ve been over multiple times here, it was a rough year. A few months ago I became overwhelmed with responsibilities and stress, and as a result of everything we’d been through on top of everything weighing me down, I ended up quite depressed. This was no fun, and I knew some things needed to change.

    I changed jobs. Working on an inpatient unit of the hospital was a big source of stress. Although I loved the unit and my coworkers, I was worn down on the hectic pace and irregular schedule. After much deliberation, I transferred to the outpatient infusion clinic. It’s still challenging, but in a different, calmer sort of way.

    I said no. At the time, I was the main leader of our church’s youth group. I knew I needed to cut some things out, so I asked my husband and my brother-in-law if they would take a larger role in this, and they did. They’ve been amazing, and now I am finally at a point where I can start being more involved again. Also, as my husband healed from his surgeries he was able to help out around the house more and I basically just allowed him to take care of me for awhile. I decided that chores could wait, and I tried to spend more time resting and relaxing.

    I saw a nutritionist. Depression really affected me physically, and I was struggling with what to eat because my stomach seemed to hurt all the time. I had also recently stopped eating meat, so I knew I needed some advice. She was a huge help and after following some of her suggestions I immediately felt better. I believe I’m now also a healthier person overall.

    I saw a therapist. I wasn’t afraid of asking for help, and seeing a counselor for a short period of time enabled me to break through some barriers and learn better coping skills. It was a stress reliever just to pour everything out to someone who understood, as well. It was good for my soul.

    After a couple of months, I began to feel like myself again. It happened slowly, but I got there. I know these things are cyclical and I understand that I might very well encounter depression again at some point in my life. But at least then, I’ll know how to handle it.

  • Reverb10: Wonder, Let Go, Make

    How did you cultivate a sense of wonder in your life this year?

    All it takes for me to feel a sense of wonder is to go outside. I think the world is beautiful and amazing and awe-inspiring.

    What (or whom) did you let go of this year? Why?

    This year I let go of my first baby. It was only a few weeks old but it was loved and wanted and grieved for.

    What was the last thing you made? What materials did you use? Is there something you want to make, but you need to clear some time for it?

    I joined a club with my mom and some of her friends, and we meet once a month to make different kinds of cards. The last thing I made was a Christmas card using mostly paper. I’m very happy that I have found a way to incorporate this craft into my life.

    The thing I most want to make right now is my house into a home. We have been here two years and we only have a few furnished rooms. There is a lot of work to be done on an extremely tight budget, but I want to focus on it next year so that I will feel happier when I walk inside.

  • Reverb10: Moment

    Pick one moment during which you felt most alive this year. Describe it in vivid detail.

    It was a couple of months ago, during the depths of my depressive episode. I was passing through days fighting off tears at every turn and just trying to make it through. I knew the kinds of things I needed to be doing to help myself, so I tried to do them.

    They say exercise helps with depression, if you can even get yourself to do it. So I did, at least for awhile. I went running around the neighborhood. I pulled on my shorts, tank top, socks, shoes, and a visor. It was middle afternoon and the sun was still bright. I usually listen to music when I run, but my headphones had recently broken so I just carried my phone with me in one hand, my pepper spray in the other. Symmetry.

    I took my usual route. Around the corner, cross the street at the weird house that doesn’t have a sidewalk, turn left past the park, right at the main street, around the block and back again, doing my best to stay in what shade there was. I walked when I felt like it, because it was hot and I didn’t feel great and I wasn’t trying to make myself miserable here. I was just trying to do something.

    I was walking when I approached our driveway, looking at the ground but not at anything in particular. I was tired, and sweaty, and probably flushed because my face always turns bright red when I run. Then my eyes came across an acorn that had fallen. There were plenty around, but most of them were crushed or broken. This one was whole, complete, the very picture of a perfect acorn. And it struck me that I didn’t even realize that we had a tree that produced acorns, and that I hadn’t really seen one in who knows how long. It was beautiful to me, somehow.

    I picked it up. I brought it inside, and I showed my husband. “Look at this acorn,” I said. “Look how perfect it is. Have you ever seen such a perfect acorn?” And I thought, this acorn makes me happy. And then, I will be happy again.