Category: personal

life updates and rambling thoughts

Remember how I used to blog? Those were good days. I used to have hobbies. And energy. I wrote posts like this one and felt like I had it all together. I made goals and achieved them.

Well all of that has gone away for the moment. The month of June has been one big blur because on May 31 we found out that I’m pregnant. And now I don’t even know where to start explaining all of the thoughts and feelings I have about it. Even saying anything about it at all makes me feel guilty because I know it’s such a sensitive subject for some people, having recently been one of them myself. But I just feel the need to be open and honest because I can’t really write about anything else at the moment.

So when I took the test on a whim, completely not expecting anything from it and yet it was so clearly, immediately positive, all I felt was shock. We had been sort of trying, but I’m still breastfeeding and it took us two years to get pregnant with Meredith so I had done a lot of mental preparation revolving around the long length of time it might take us. I was fine with it. We were in a groove as a family.

Then it was anxiety. For about a week I didn’t have any symptoms. I didn’t want to start feeling hopeful if it wasn’t true. Even when soon enough I began to feel bad it was hard for me to accept that things were going smoothly because of my history of infertility and miscarriage. Even now, after an ultrasound showing one healthy looking baby with a strong heartbeat and no worrisome symptoms, I am in constant anxiety because I am only nine and a half weeks along. The day after I saw the doctor I started to feel better physically and so of course all I can think of now is that maybe the baby stopped growing right after we saw it. It’s so hard to trust.

I guess I don’t want to go too much further without saying that I am excited and happy. I want more kids so badly. I love babies. I want Meredith to grow up with siblings. So this is a very good thing.

It’s also completely overwhelming, thinking about the adjustment we are all going to have to make, and wondering how we’ll pay for two kids in daycare, and how David and I will be able to stay connected just him & I. The past month has been so hard. I have been feeling so bad – just constantly sick to my stomach and terminally fatigued – and I couldn’t even drink coffee! – yet I’ve had to keep up my responsibilities at work while pretending nothing is different and then care for Meredith who is more needy for me than ever these days. The chores barely get done and forget about cooking or any kind of hobby or extra activity. Thank God for David’s help or Meredith and I probably wouldn’t have left the house or bathed or eaten for weeks.

The good news is that I think I’m over the worst of the sickness, and I hope it’s not a bad sign. The fatigue is still a problem but it too is better. And I can eat more things now, and I don’t feel constantly nauseated anymore. David took Meredith out of the house for a couple of hours on Saturday and I managed to do all the chores, catch up on Bible study, order some pictures to attempt to get back on track with Project Life, and write most of this post. The rest of the day was spent figuring out how to expend as little energy as possible, but still.

Anyway, that’s what’s been going on around here. A smattering of other happenings:

>David’s grandmother was diagnosed with two different kinds of advanced cancer that are untreatable at her age (late 80’s). His grandfather has dementia so it’s going to be a very rough time coming up.

>I read a lot of books (pretty much the only leisure activity I could still manage to do). Most notably Game of Thrones which I am now totally addicted to. Need the second book quick.

>Made it to a movie in the theater and realized how much I miss it. Wish I had time for things like that.

>Enjoying the virtual Bible study of The 7 Experiment by Jen Hatmaker that I’m running, although I’m just barely keeping up.

>Meredith has grown into an adorably chubby toddler. She has her moments of crankiness that are far too frequent for my liking, but for the most part she’s just the best. Gratuitous photo:

Ah, summer. 100+ degree days. The days that we dream about moving our entire families north. So you see really the extent of things around here has been surviving. I am going to try to update more often but it’ll be random until I get my energy back. All current projects are put on hold and will hopefully resume in the near future. :)

July 1, 2013
june goals

So this month might not be very fun. It’s time to make some changes though. I need to eat healthier and my main area of weakness is sweets so I’m starting there. Until now I’ve been having multiple desserts a day. I want to cut back to two a week to try to get rid of the cravings. I also figure that if I get a good water bottle and have it always with me I’ll drink more, which I want to do anyway, and it will also help keep me from snacking.

The exercise thing needs to happen but I’m not sure how. My ideas right now are to do yoga 2-3 times a week in the morning before work (although that will mean waking up super early but I think I can do it), do some sort of workout DVD in the evening with Meredith around (my hope is that she’ll think it’s fun), and to alternate a quick hand weights/plyometrics workout in the evenings too. This month will be for experimentation and not necessarily for consistency until I can find what works.

More boring, unfun stuff includes our budget. We really want to pay off debt and do some saving, but we haven’t been trying. The last few months we’ve been purchasing odds and ends that we need and want in hopes that we can lock down our budget and do some serious cutting back. So this month I want to set a detailed budget and find all the areas we can save.

There ARE a couple of things to look forward to though. I’m ready to start sewing on my quilt but I didn’t set a specific goal because just getting something sewn will be an accomplishment. I need to thread the bobbin, practice awhile, and then who knows how much I’ll screw up before getting comfortable with it. Then I want to finish off the buffet area, which will entail some organizing and decorating. I think I want to fill the area mostly with plants and I’m really excited about it.

Alright June, let’s do this.

May 31, 2013
may goals update

Lay out quilt, then stack and label rows. Done! It was so much fun to see it laid out. And my sewing machine is working, so now comes the exciting part.

Complete fifteen CEU’s. Easy. I tried the awesome website we have at work for free ones and I knocked them out in a day.

Figure out Google Calendar. A long time ago I tried to start using Google Calendar but I did it in a really complicated way and it didn’t work for me. So I went back and wiped everything clean, then simplified. The thing I’m most excited about is I figured out how to sync it to iCal on my phone. Super useful. I also started using it to meal plan and I love it because I can put a link to the recipe right there.

Try yoga in the morning. I did this. Using one of the free 20-minute audio classes from yogadownload.com I tried this one morning when I was able to get out of bed on time and Meredith stayed asleep. My thoughts afterward were: I am very out of shape and need to find an easier class to begin with, I remember why I love yoga, I feel invigorated, and I want to visit a local studio again on the weekend sometime.

Start a family prayer time. This has been hit or miss. We try to do it every night before bed, but some nights are crazy or she falls asleep before we can do a good bedtime routine. Meredith has recently gotten really interested in reading (yay!) and will sit still for longer books so I started reading The Jesus Storybook Bible to her before bed and then we pray. She knows to fold her hands and she says “amen” at the end so this is at least a halfway success. :)

Meal plan every week. Yes, I did this, the meals were sometimes lame and it didn’t always work out how I planned but at least I’m back in the habit of it!

May 30, 2013
what’s on your… (with a bonus vlog)

I saw this fun little list of questions on Ali Edwards’ blog and thought I’d play along. Then because it was a holiday I decided to record a video with my answers as well. Enjoy!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=arXXTjSb0B8

Vanity: jewelry box, family picture, framed cross stitch, cork board with magazine clippings of outfit inspiration

Perennial to-do list: chores, Project Life, random crafts & house updates

Refrigerator shelves: lots of leftovers (yay!)

Itinerary: blueberry picking with my mom

Fantasy itinerary: Italy, Hawaii, California coast

Playlist: listening to Delirium by Lauren Oliver

Nightstand: a vase with branches in it, a pretty box with pens and chapstick, lamp

Workout plan: try to do yoga ever

iPhone: things, twitter, instagram, feedly, podcasts, candy crush, pictapgo, goodreads, peekaboo barn

Top 5 list: still don’t understand this question

Bucket list: be conversational in Spanish, live debt free, learn to garden and sew proficiently, complete a triathlon, be happy with the way my house is decorated

Mind: thinking about the week ahead and getting prepared mentally, trying to figure out my goals for next month

Blogroll: elise blaha cripe, smile and wave, manda townsend, your wishcake (among many others)

Walls of your favorite room in your house: photos of Meredith and a handmade monogrammed M made out of buttons in her room (which is the only one fully decorated)

Liquor shelf: no alcohol but we have lots of juice :)

Last credit card statement: we don’t use credit cards but the last thing we bought other than groceries & bills was my stitch fix and some pretty wrapping paper from world market

Screensaver: my list of goals for the month

TV every night: nothing for me, but David watches the ID channel and dateline

May 27, 2013
on time & task management

Today I want to talk about how, as a working mom with a toddler, I ever get anything done other than surviving each day. Don’t get me wrong, just surviving from one day to the next can feel like a major accomplishment sometimes, and it totally is. But I also know that my life is enriched and I am a better wife, mother, and person when I am able to do extra stuff as well.

I was inspired to write about this topic when I read this post from Pink Ronnie and this post from Elise Blaha Cripe. They have some great tips and it was super helpful for me to read their perspectives, but they are both able to stay home and have a much more flexible schedule than I do, so I wanted to share how I do things.

Know your priorities

Before I get into specifics, I have to say that the first step toward managing your time is to set priorities. I can’t do it all; I don’t think anyone can. My priorities are: being there for my husband and my daughter, spending time with the rest of our families, my spiritual life and being involved in church, and my Monday through Friday job as a nurse. Those are not negotiable. To a lesser extent, keeping our house clean and organized (and eventually decorated), memory keeping, reading, blogging, and crafting are secondary priorities to me.

There are a lot of things I don’t do. I don’t cook or bake for fun. It is all I can do to get dinner on the table for my family most nights, and we frequently end up having snacks or picking something up. I don’t garden, and we hire out our yard care. Even though I was an athlete until I got pregnant, right now I don’t exercise even a little bit. We have two dogs but we don’t walk them; they have a large yard to play in instead. We don’t take on large or extensive DIY projects. I am also completely out of the loop when it comes to pop culture: I don’t watch TV at all and rarely get to see a movie. This isn’t a humble brag; there are actually a bunch of shows I want to see and I totally understand TV as a hobby.

But I also don’t have any “mindless” time. I rarely let myself just browse the internet or Facebook. I hardly play games on my phone – maybe a few minutes every other day. Any time I do these things (or activities like them) it is on purpose. I try my best to use all of my time productively.

Almost all of the things listed that I don’t do interest me and it is my wish to be able to incorporate those activities into my life someday, but I have had to be honest about my capabilities at the moment and focus on my priorities.

With that in mind, here we go…

Master the mundane tasks

I really relate to the three layers mentality. There is the first layer of basic survival necessities that you pretty much do without thinking, the second layer of routine tasks to make your life run smoother, and then the third layer of extra, life-enriching stuff. The key is to making the first two layers easier and more efficient so that there is time for the third, fun layer.

In my life, the way I manage necessary tasks that aren’t always fun is primarily through two ways: routines and lists. They are my best friends. Anytime there is a habit or a task that I want to incorporate into my life I think about where the best fit for it is, and then I add it to my to-do list. After awhile it becomes routine.

I don’t think I can go any further without talking about the app I use to manage all this. It’s called Things and I would be lost without it. I am sure there are plenty of other apps out there that would be just as effective but this is the one I chose and I haven’t once regretted it. I learn more about what it can do all the time and it is constantly impressing me.

So let’s take one area of life that needs to be kept under control: house chores. I am a clean-as-you-go person so there’s never much mess, but with chores like sweeping the floor, laundry, checking on plants, vacuuming, bathrooms, etc. I found that if I don’t have a dedicated time to do them they won’t get done for way too long. I decided Saturday morning would be the best time for those things because it’s not a work day and I like to get them out of the way first thing on the weekend. So all I did was create a repeating task in Things for them, and now I never forget. I’ve been doing it this way for so long now that it hardly takes me any time to get them done.

I do this same process with basically everything that needs to be kept up with, no matter how frequent. I figure out what needs to be done, when the best time to do it is, then create a repeating task. Sometimes I even have to make lists out of really basic stuff (like taking my vitamins, skincare, flossing, etc.) in order to form a habit. I can do this with Things, or recently I used a printed out self-care checklist as a more visual reminder. Once those things became a habit I dropped the list.

I could keep going and going with more examples but I don’t want this to be too long and I want to get to the fun stuff! So let me know if you have questions about other specifics in the comments. One thing I do want to mention is that most of this “layer” – the chores and basic stuff – I manage to do with Meredith around, usually involving her in some way or with simple distraction.

Adding in the fun stuff

Now for layer three – the extra, fun stuff! For me this includes blogging, Project Life, reading, any kind of crafting at all, and house decorating. Some day in the not-too-distant future I really want to add exercise and gardening into this list. At the age Meredith is right now (almost two), I can’t do any of this with her around, really. I mean sometimes for the sake of getting a pocket or two of Project Life done I’ll let her loose in the craft room (she loves it in there but I don’t love her in there!) but then I know I’ll have a mess to deal with. Mostly though, she’s just very needy for me right now and wants my attention if I’m around. That is of course okay.

It depends on the activity how I approach getting this fun stuff into my life, but a huge part of it depends on my husband. Every weekend he takes Meredith out of the house for 2-3 hours so I can have alone time. Hopefully the chores are already done so I feel free to use that time creatively. Most of the time I either use it to put together Project Life or work on blog posts, usually alternating those every other week.

I use downtime at work as best I can. Sometimes there is none, but when I can I edit blog posts or photos to have printed for Project Life. I also ride the shuttle for about 20-30 minutes each day, so I always read my book at that time. Sometimes it’s my only reading time all week, but the books still get read. I listen to a lot of audiobooks on my commute, too. I also try to take off from work one day a month and still take Meredith to daycare. Those days I can make a lot of progress on a new craft, catch up on stuff, or just rest. I think working moms really need time like that because although we love being at home after work with our families, it’s not always relaxing. :)

So that’s all the time I really have for layer three. For many people a good time for this stuff is after the kids go to sleep, but since I wake up at 4:30 a.m. I pass out at the same time Meredith does. I’ve found that if I try to stay up later it’s completely unproductive and uninspired time anyway, and the next day I’ll be tired and sluggish. I have to be realistic about my limits and capabilities.

One last thing. Some of my fun projects aren’t routine, like Project Life, but are bigger and more long-term. Redecorating the house and teaching myself to make a quilt are examples of this. I love these type of projects and they keep me inspired and growing, but they can be very overwhelming. The way I make progress is to break it all down into smaller components and lists. For the house I am really focusing on one area at a time, but I also keep a list for each room of items I’m looking for (so I know what not to pass up at a thrift store) and things I want to do. Having it written down frees up that space in my mind. Again, I use the Things app for this – you can create unlimited “project” lists in it. For the quilt I broke it down into steps and am completing one part each month.

I know not every personality type would thrive in a system like this, but the key for me is planning, starting each day rested, and using all my time productively. I don’t have it all figured out yet – I am just barely getting a hold on meal planning and cooking, for example – but usually I feel pretty good about the state of things. Let me know if you have any questions!

May 23, 2013